Asurei

[Asurei]

Full name: Asurei Wood

Nickname: None

Race: Human

Gender: Male

Age: 18



Appearance:
Asurei is still in his adolescence. His face is still unscarred and youthful. He stands at six feet from the ground. His sandy coloured, shaggy hair hangs about his face and sometimes covers his dark brown eyes. He has a broad build and looks a bit like a ruffian. Asurei and what seems like everyone else, blames it on still being young.

He does not have any defining clothes, they are very basic and beaten from wear. He wears a white linen shirt and brown trousers with leather boots. He also wears a leather bracelet his father made for him on the day of his 18th birthday. It was the last thing he ever gave to Asurei, making it an icon to remember him by.

Personality:
Asurei has a fun loving personality, for the most part. He seems to be wise beyond his years,
enjoying to learn and read despite his farm boy heritage. He also has a great physical presence as well, despite his age he carries a leadership attitude. His talents and pleasure lies in his ability to unleash the monster within him through trickery, lies, cruelty, and blatant acts of evil, but his conscience always reels him in and guilt is a drowning wave.

He enjoys to learn and to read and is a quick study
Possessions:
Asurei does not own much as he is a poor boy, not even a man yet although he does have his fathers bow and quiver. Other than that he has the clothes on his back and an extra set of clothes that he keeps for dress occasions. He carries a small purse containing what little Bishani he has. He has but one book that he found in the woods one day. From this he has been able to learn, the lessens inside are basic magic. By speaking the Elvin names inside he calls upon the magic inside the words. He desperately needs tutoring in magic or it will surely kill him from misuse or he will be caught. Being caught in the city using magic may be worse than being killed from a malformed spell.

Strengths/Weaknesses:
Growing up on a farm taught Asurei some basic skills in carpentry, tilling the land and herb lore he has a great amount of knowledge concerning nature and lore of different forms.

His broad body, and youthful look only add to his charismatic presence. He uses this to his utmost advantage in ever situation.

His major weakness is youth itself, unfortunately only time will correct this weakness.
He also has no real training in combat but has a keen mind, though it is sharp he can be very single minded. This leaves him to sometimes be in a very bad temper.
He also has developed a taste for ale although young, he finds comfort in a pint mug.

Abilities:
From the Elvin book he has learned basic spells. These are at his disposal, but they are small and he can yet to produce anything to great effect

Vine - can control a near by tree branch to hold someone to the ground or whip them with the branch. These are the very basics as he has not mastered magic at all.

Fire- can manipulate a small flame to do his bidding .

Vision- can see things far off in the distance.

Shield- can summon a shield to protect him from weak attacks.

Water- can control a small amount of water and form it into a projectile, but it has no real power except getting people wet.


History:
There is very little history to this boy as he is only 18 years old. He was born in a house in Shim and helped work the farm with his father until last year when his family was wiped out by a harsh cold. He was left alone to fend for himself, and despite his best efforts he could not run the farm on his own and does not have the Bishan to hire help. He has decided that he will try his hand at adventuring and magic in the hopes that riches will find him like they do the heroes in stories.

He spent many of his younger years as any youngster does, imagining he was somewhere else fighting for glory, honour, and of course slaying the occasional dragon all before dinner. He spent much of this time running around the forest with his brother Roland , playing hide and seek in the great forest and wasting away the days lying by the river with there hand made fishing poles, never caring if they caught anything just enjoying the fact that nothing really mattered right then.

When he became 10 he started to take more of a interest in his surroundings and would spend his days wandering the woods. He got to know more and more about nature an how he could use it to his advantage. The villages kids soon began to hate playing hide and seek with him as he was so familiar with his surroundings and was able to camouflage himself into the underbrush, allowing him to win every time.

One summer a travelling sales man came through the village with books and all kinds of foreign objects. One day, while he was selling his wares in the village, Asurei passed him and saw a book with a leaf on it. The tome immediately caught his eye, and he ran home to ask for money. His father was having none of it, however, so he resorted to stealing it. The merchant caught him in the act, but instead of punishing him he made a deal with the boy. “I’ll give you this here book if you promise to keep it good an return it next summer when I return.”

Asurei took the book and spent the next year learning all of the book’s secrets of herb lore. The next summer when the travelling salesman returned he returned the book, and was given another book. This cycle of returning a book and getting another continued for another 5 years. Asurei learned more and more about nature and its powers every year.

In the summer of his 16th year, the summer he did not receive a book from the salesman, he found knowledge in a different place. A book found in the forest, buried under leaves and debris. It contained the lore of magic. It has taken him two years to learn the basic spells in the book, the ones that offer no serious effect, but he has a keen mind and is determined to learn more about magic and develop his fighting skills.

Everything throughout his humble life has been leading to this day, the day when he will take his first steps out from the farm of his childhood into manhood and find his way in the world. That day is today, and his life begins now.

Mother: Dead

Father: Dead

Sister: Dead

Brother(s):Ran Away

[Sir Karsimir]

More history please. It's 5 sentences with lines between them. Also proof read your work for mistakes. This is a chance to show off your writing.

He seems to have developed most of his abilities with no suggestion as to how. Eg:

Also through his younger years he was able to develop skills in lore of the woods and herb lore and has great knowledge in herbal healing , and the ability to use his surroundings to his advantage an he was become formidable opponent in the forest where he can almost out run and hide anyone.

How did he develop them? These are stories in themselves.

EDIT: Nothing intricate is needed, just so we don't have a farm boy with lots of inappropriate abilities.

Finally,

Vine - can control a near by tree branch.

Water- can control near by water.

Nearby. And what can he do with them? 'Control' is both vague and can do so much.

[Asurei]

I hope what i have done is correct .

[Sir Karsimir]

First of all apologies for the delay.

As for the character himself, he is acceptable. However, please proof-read your work again. There are too many mistakes for me to approve it as it currently stands. Run-on sentences, missing punctuation, mixing tenses, that sort of thing. Occasional mistakes are no problem but if the errors flood the work then it becomes an effort to read.

A few examples.

There is very little history to this boy he was born 18 years ago in a house in shim and helped work the farm with his father until last year when his family was plagued by a cold that wiped out the whole family an left him alone to fend for himself.

A run-on sentence. Missing punctuation. There should be a comma or full stop after boy (preferably comma). There should be a capital S in Shim because a place name is a proper noun. And you are missing a d.

Growing up on a farm taught Asurei some basic skills in carpentry, tilling the land and herb lore he has a great amount of knowledge concerning nature and lore of different forms.

Run-on sentence which appears to be talking about 2 different ideas.

When he became 10 he started to take more of a interest in his surroundings an would spend his day wandering the woods getting to know more and more about nature an how he could use it to his advantage, as the villages kids would hate to play hide and seek with him as he became so familiar with his surroundings an being able to camouflage himself into the underbrush that he would always win."

Run-on sentence in dire need of periods or full stops. Missing 'd's on the 'and's again. Overuse of 'and' as well - there should rarely be more than one 'and' in any sentence.

He found a book when he was out walking around his 16th year on this world an it contained the lore of magic an it has taken him two years to derive but basic spells that are off no real effect although he has a keen mind and is determine to learn more about magic an develop his mortal combat skills.

Again, run on sentence.

Try this:

He found a book when he was out walking around in his 16th year on this world and it contained the lore of magic. It has taken him two years to derive only basic spells that are off no real effect, although he has a keen mind and is determined to learn more about magic and develop his mortal combat skills.

Changes marked in bold, although some is deleted.

There are other mistakes, which I want you to find yourself to show that you are able to meet our standards in play.

[Asurei]

edited.

[Sir Karsimir]

Approved. Keep up the good work in your posts.