Verilla Tharavus

Verilla · Post by **Verilla** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 7:09 am

Name: Verilla Tharavus

Age: (equivalent of a 21 year old human, but because of the racial difference I'm not sure how many years that is)

Race: Half-Elf, Half-Faerie

Height: 5' 6"

Weight: Average weight for her height

Physical Description: Verilla is a tall, slim, and slightly frail looking Elf-Faerie hybrid. She has very pale skin, which is soft but very cold. Her skin is has few scars marking it, but most don't look quite like scars (an experienced person could tell you that they're cuts that have been badly healed magically). She has two bright blue eyes that seem welcoming yet show someone who has been through a lot. She has golden-blonde hair that flows down her back. She has two large bright red and gold wings. She wears loose cloth scarlet clothes that seem to provide no protection at all; there are holes in the back for her wings. A long blue and gold, handcrafted staff is slung over her back (It’s painted to look gold it isn’t actually gold). She has a distinctive magical aura about her.

Possessions: Clothes as described above, Staff as described above, she is a traveller so has only gained a few Bishan from magical "tricks" she probably has about 80 Bishan. She also has few very basic equipment like a small carving dagger, a lantern, a home made sleeping bag...it just looks like a rag-bag thing...doesn't look like much. She has food rations and a large black cloak.

Powers or Strengths: Verilla is very proficient with magic, specializing in Healing, defensive and illusion type spells. These groups range from healing skin wounds (i.ae. not very deep wounds) She can make a shield around herself and others (2-3 meter sphere), she can also enhance the armour or skin of others, toughening it and making it resistant to physical attacks, and she can create basic illusions creating images and hiding small objects (no objects bigger than 1 cubic meter can be hidden). She is also very good at using her staff despite her physical weakness. Her magical power soars uncontrollably once she becomes angry enough.

Weaknesses: When she is sent into a "rage" her magic ability becomes uncontrollable, the raw magic within her flows out of her affecting the world around her in a small radius in strange and bizarre ways. This magical rage usually influences only about 5 meters diameter but it depends on the extent of her rage. It can cause small objects such as mice, small cats, boxes, pebbles, sand, anything like that nearby to levitate and circle her, it can cause the ground to liquefy slightly, shake or rip apart. Lightening bolts may fly from her, normally just striking the objects around her, though some unlucky person could be struck with a bolt. The air can often become quite dense making it hard to breathe and see, often like a thin fog. The air may often compact and resonate waves around her, blasting air for 10-20 meters around her, though this is usually weak, only picking up pieces of paper. If she is near water it starts to boil and evaporate or it levitates in clumps like the objects around her. When she tires herself out or her rage subsides she tends to faint, the stronger rages may leave her unconscious for hours. All of these effects increase as the intensity of her rage increases, though they will usually cut out immediately if one of these effects seriously injures an innocent. She is also frail and weak so heavy hits will knock her a long way, or unconscious. Also she uses her movements to harness her magic, so any locks or pins will prevent her casting.

History: Both Eleven and Faerie societies shunned Verilla since her birth. Her parents were distraught and angered by this reaction from their brethren. When the races agreed on the execution of the child, her parents fled with her. They survived for several years out in the wilds, hidden from anyone finding them. But one day they had made the mistake of camp just north, up stream from a village, _______.

It had gotten dark and her father had gone out hunting, her mother stayed beside Verilla to make sure no one found her. A few miles away a gang of Elves happened upon seeing the plume of smoke that had grown up form the flames of the camp fire. They thought that this may be a starting forest fire, or a campfire of someone not wanting to go too near the village. So they decided to investigate, after all “What would a camp be doing so close to a village?”.

It was, conveniently enough, then that her mother decided to go and collect firewood for the now diminishing flame. Shortly after her leaving the group of elves stumbled onto the now deserted camp, except young Verilla, barely able to walk at this time, alone at the camp. They had heard about the bounty on the child's head and recognized her instantly from the descriptions of her. This was too too good an opportunity for them to pass up. They took her further up stream to a waterfall and they let her fall.

A middle-aged, male beggar from the village had decided to come to the pool to drown himself, far away to prevent anyone from saving him. He had been kicked around by disrespectful kids, had his begging money stolen and having lost his dignity. He felt he could take no more. As he was walking along, beside himself with grief and sadness, walking towards his death, he caught sight of a small bundle floating down stream. Thinking this was his lucky day and what values it may hold he ran after it and pulled it from the stream. He almost dropped it when he discovered that is was alive. It coughed and choked awfully. He quickly opened the bundle to find a small, wriggling baby Fae. “Ok so it wasn’t a bag of jewels or valuable material but he could still gain a sympathy vote from it.” He decided. He kept the child and quickly gained enough money to buy food for both of them and her some clothes as she grew up. He quickly became very fond of her and adopted her as his own. Since the prize was claimed for the “death of the hybrid” she was dismissed as a look-a-like. The beggar was heart broken when she announced to him that she wanted to leave and travel the world, helping those in need, but he didn’t blame her and gave her all he could to help her on her journey.

During her travels she came across many magicians fake and real. She was always fascinated by them, real or not, and quickly picked up a few of their tricks. Though she hasn’t had any real lessons she has a powerful, potent underlying magical potential, and she aspires to take up lessons one day and to tap into that potential. Though at the moment she has neither the time, nor the money, to spend on such training. She has gathered a slight renown over the years, word travelling faster than her, but only among the few that didn’t find her amateur tricks and illusions degrading.

N.B. sorry I tend to write Histories like facts rather than like stories and I tend to avoid them. I have amended it now and hope that you find this much better than my previous entry. I also need a remote village name ( context is underlined)

Kamar Deythal · Post by **Kamar Deythal** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 7:36 am

Two things:

1) We need much more description on the magic abilities. Specific spells and descriptions of those spells, as well as descriptions of whatever magical items she has on her. The important thing to remember is that if it's not in your character description, you can't use it. Please also do not make her uber-powerful. As a new character to the board, she will be limited on her abilities. The physical weakness makes up for the more powerful magic, so a little extra magical power is fine. She is able to learn new things, but only through RPing them on the board.

Related to this:

the raw magic within her flows out of her affecting the world around her in a small radius in strange and bizarre ways.

What size is the radius? What kinds of strange and bizarre ways? No need to be -too- specific, but we need more than this. Do giant creatures appear? A barrier is created around her? Every inanimate object suddenly turns into a peach?

2) Your history needs more work. This is the first introduction of your writing style to the members, and will give us an idea of how you write and if it will fit with what we ask of our members. If you look at nearly every other history, you will notice that it is the longest portion of the character application. Yours is a paragraph.

If you need any help or ideas, check the Rules, Setting, and Active Characters. This will help ensure that your character fits into the Pal Tahrenor/Thar Shaddin setting.

Once these have been fixed, we'll once again take a look at the application and see about approval.

Thanks!

Verilla · Post by **Verilla** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:15 pm

Fixed and redone

Kamar Deythal · Post by **Kamar Deythal** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:42 am

Ok, that's better. However, there are a few other things that need to be looked at.

First, resurrection is way too powerful for a beginning character, unless it's the -only- power she has.

Second, grammar. Edit the entire application. When you're done that, edit it again. Or better yet, get someone else to edit it. I need to stress the importance of readability here, because we have to be able to read your posts without scratching our heads and wondering what you're on about.

Both Elven and Faerie societies shunned Verilla since her birth her parents were distraught and angered by the reaction of their brethren.

That should be two sentences. Punctuation is important.

Also, consistency. In one paragraph, you have:

They survived for several years out in the wilds, hidden from anyone finding them.

And in the next, you say:

The group of elves eventually found their way to the camp to find young Verilla, barely able to walk at this time, alone at the camp.

There are several other errors that need to be fixed, and, if the character gets approved, you will have to keep your posts much more grammatically correct.

Verilla · Post by **Verilla** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:35 am

My grammar isn't any good at all at the moment, but I do keep trying to improve it. I thank you for your critisism.

N.B now redone.

Verilla · Post by **Verilla** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:53 am

After waiting over a week to be accepted I have decided that this forum is too strict and buisness like for me. Don't bother with this I'll find a more relaxed and chilled out one to join. Please feel free to delete this thread.

Post by **Frug** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 6:58 pm

We sometimes make mistakes. I missed the fact that this profile was still pending, but I can be businesslike and blame Kamar for not re-checking it. You shouldn't have had to wait a week to have it approved and you have my apology.

Kamar Deythal · Post by **Kamar Deythal** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:14 pm

Yeah, that was totally my fault. I was trying to get ready for a vacation and didn't have much time to check the boards.

Anyways, I thought this was ready for approval. My apologies, and sorry to see you go.

I'm sure we'll welcome you back if you decide to return.