Vladick Scourge

[Vladick Scourge]

Player Name: Vladick Scourge
Name: Vladick Scourge
Age: 27
Race: Human
Height: 6'3''
Weight: 13' 5'

Physical Description:
Vladick has pale skin, muscular shoulders with a angular and unattractive face, he wears his hair at shoulder length and tied back so as to keep it from his eyes, a habit born from his past. His hair is a pale blond and his eyes are blue.
Vladick has the look of a person bearing a great weight on his shoulder and he has a reserved and cold manner and prefers the shadows to the open light.
His face and body look like that of a man younger than he is, but his eyes are cold and loveless, and he has the resigned look of someone who has stared at death one time too many.
He is strong and disciplined, and moves with a battle-practiced ease unusual in one so tall.

Possessions:
The only objects of any interest owned by Vladick are an Ebony Hawk Medallion with the eyes set in a dull red hue watching the horizon and a notched sword that has seen battle and is simple but weighted perfectly.

Powers or Strengths:
He has the heightened reflexes and lack of hesitation bred by a life spent on the battlefield

History:
Vladick was born on a small farm owned by two poor, simple farmers just outside the small town of Shim. When he was young he was a rebellious and uncontrollable youth and his father kicked him out of the family home when he was 14 hoping it would 'breed some sense into him'.

14, homeless and lost Vladick stumbled onto the road connecting the Western and Eastern Empires. He headed west, walking for days. His water had ran out by the time he reached a small Hamlet on the frontier of the Western Empire.

He found work here working as a sword-for-hire for the local Baron, as the household troops were headed southward to win glory for their Empire.
While here he proved his ability as a soldier and his knack for manipulating people and soon found himself close to the baron himself.

As the war in the south raged on, the young boy from Shim became a man of the Empire. As the numbers on the Frontier slowly but surely dwindled as bandits and the hard life of a nation at war took their toll, he was given a position within the Baron's bodyguards. Little did he know that he had been duped, as no sooner than he had become aclimatized to the life in a foreign land than was he ordered to the South.

He joined the Vanguard of an Imperial Strike Force that hit southward pillaging and sacking and raping all that stood in its way. The atrocities he enounctered on his way south changed his outlook on life forever.

In 117 PW the Eastern Empire met the Western Empire on the sands of the southern nations and here in the greatest battle since Fort Marn was contested by the two Empires, legions of soldiers were marched into the slaughter. The fighting continued for 3 days and the plain upon which it was fought would forever be known as the Vale of Tears.

As the first day of fighting died down and both sides were conducting retreats to their own lines. Vladick led therearguard that was holding the lines. As sundown approached the sides clashed for the final time that day as the two rearguards met in battle. A frenzied battle took place and Vladick took a heavy blow to his shoulder.

The wound began festering and he came down with a fever. Spending weeks in a infirmary, he thought of his home - the home he had lost. Following this harrowing experience he deserted and set out on the long road back to the home of his youth. Holding only the sword that had almost killed him and his pay for the month's campaign.

[Frug]

While I like your story of the battle to the south, I'm afraid I can't approve your profile. You use some good vocabulary but the grammatical errors are just too numerous for this to get accepted.

[Vladick Scourge]

^^ when i was doing it i didn't notice them, stuff like 'the he came to the road' its not gramatical its that i forget to press the 'n' so i'll go read over it and fix the whole thing.

Application Edited

[Frug]

The following are grammatical:


Run on sentence.

14, homeless and lost Vladick stumbled onto the road connecting the Western and Eastern Empires and headed west, walking for days, his water ran out by the time he reached a small Hamlet on the frontier of the Western Empire.

Much longer run on sentence.

As the war in the south raged on, the young boy from Shim became a man of the Empire and as the numbers on the Frontier dwindled as bandits and the hard life of a nation at war took their toll, he was given a position within the Baron's bodyguards and wore the tabard proudly for the few months he was there, little did he know that he had been duped, as no sooner than he had become aclimatized to the life in a foreign land than was he ordered to the South, to fight for a people who he had only known for 3 maybe 4 years at this stage.

Run on sentence. It's "an" imperial strike force. Needs a comma after "hit southward" and a period after "stood in its way."

He joined the Vanguard of a Imperial Strike Force that hit southward pillaging and sacking and raping all that stood in its way, he was hardened by what he saw, even though he had yet to find himself on a true battlefield.

Another one.

As the first day of fighting died down and both sides were conducting retreats to their own lines, Vladick took part in a rear guard action, late in the action the sides clashed for the final time that day as the two rearguards met in battle and he took a wicked blow to the shoulder.

Another one.

The wound became infected and he came down with a mighty fever and almost died, following this harrowing experience he deserted and set out on the long road back to the home of his youth, with only the sword that had almost killed him and his pay for the month's campaign.

I'm afraid that's pretty much the whole history...

[Vladick Scourge]

ok edited again, i'll lookout for run-on lines
APPLICATION EDITED ( think i got everything )