Andacus

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Andacus
Outsider
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 1:21 pm
Name: Andacus
Race: Mixed

Andacus

Post by Andacus » Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:46 pm

Name:Andacus
Age:15
Race:Half human, half unknown Astral being

Physical Description:
Andacus's appearance is underwhelmingly simple; despite his unique and magical heritage, he looks no different to any other plain Marian human.

Between a pair of deep brown eyes lies a slightly large nose, on a face devoid of facial hair. Atop his head lies a mess of short curly brown hair; any attempt to keep it neat is both an arduous and un-rewarding task.

At 5 foot 7" he is just below the average size of a boy his age, and a recent history of malnutrition has rendered him skinny and sullen looking. While the race of his mother is mystery to him, the tanned skin he has suggest she originated from a sunnier, exotic climate.

The only time that the magic in his blood is outwardly apparent is just before he Side-stesp between the astral and material plane (explained below), when his eyes shift from their standard shade of dark brown to a deep and glowing blue.

Possessions:
Andacus has never been rich, the items he hold on to are either remnants of his old life, or anything he can scrape up from the dirty streets of Marn.
  • Rusty short-sword
  • Hand full of Bishan
Powers or Strengths:

Side-stepping

From the moment of his unlikely birth, Andacus has had the inate ability to sidestep between the material plane and the astral plane, for better or for worse. This ability stems from his un-natural parentage; the offspring of a human, (a creature of the material plane) and an unknown entity from the astral plane, is a being that belongs in neither the astral nor the material plane. Because of this he is able to, with some difficulty, Side-step between the two realms.

While this ability is powerful, to no means can Andacus control it. This ability takes the form of a natural reaction; whenever his life is in danger or he is put under large amounts of emotional stress, Andacus slips into the wild and un-predictable astral plane.

In most cases, this unwilling side-step can make a very bad situation much worse; for now Andacus finds the astral plane incomprehensible, distance, time and direction are all irrelevant there, and common sense is mocked by its irrational events. Because of this he is to terrified to try and understand his ability, and wishes only to experience a normal life.

For Andacus, it is possible to change location on the material plane by moving in the astral plane. If he steps into the astral plane and walks around a bit, he will find himself in a different location when he returns. But where he ends up is the problem. He can walk for miles in the astral plane, then return only a few feet from where he started, and visa versa. Similarly, he can spend a few minutes in the astral plane and be reported missing for months. The way this works is purely random, and unless he works out how to properly traverse the mysterious realm, it is likely to stay that way forever.

Some sword fighting

He has some small experience with sword fighting, but his petty training was more for fun than anything else.


Weaknesses and Flaws:

Anti social
While he can happily hold a conversation with somebody, he is scared of any long term relationship incase an emergency occurs, and his power is unwillingly revealed.

Frail
He has never had to exercise much in his life, and a poor diet had left him weaker than other boys his age

Side-stepping
His unpredictable ability can often leave him in startingly dangerous situations in the astral plane , and little control over it make it difficult to hide from the puradynic people of Marn

History:

Conception & Birth
Life had become and endless cycle of sorrow and pain for Adrianna. Sorrow, when she realised the significance of what she had done, how she had failed. Pain when the thrashing creature in her womb would wrench at her spine and crush her insides. It had only been three months ago that she took her first and final journey into the astral plane; her father had been a great mage, and she took it upon herself to finish the work he left behind after his untimely death. After years of monotonous planning, she seized the opportunity to reach the fabled realm.
This was her first mistake.

She was hopelessly lost. Adrianna was much too nieve to understand how vast and incomprehensible the astral plane was. Ofcourse, it mentioned it in all of her dusty books and scrolls, but the reality was maddening. She was tormented by the cruel creatures that inhibit the darkest reaches of the plane, a pretty, young human like herself didn't go un noticed. Or un-abused. A being took a liking to the pathetic human, used her for his own pleasure, then cast her back to the material realm where she would rot with his twisted child.

Three months. Such little time and it was fully grown, ready to rip it's way out of her. She had tried abortion, but as soon as she realised that she was pregnant, she was told the baby was too large. And so before her child was already born, she hated it with every fiber of her being. It represented how she had failed so drastically to fulfill her goal of completing her fathers research, and of her egregious torment in the astral plane. It was the only evidence of the disaster, and for that reason, to her, it represented it.

She sought no aid when she went into labour, she had all she needed on the bedside table; a long silver knife to slay the beast that would emerge from her womb. After the hours of agony that followed, Adrianna found herself shocked. Very, very tired and shocked. Between her legs lay a baby boy. Not a monster, a child. She still hated it by an inordinate amount, but not quite enough to plunge nine inches of metal in its chest.

New Family
All Andacus knew was that his mother had left him at his families doorstep one night, and then she left. Clearly she did not love him. Not as much at least, as the kind, caring mother and father he had now, or the fantastic siblings he had been raised with. If she loved him she wouldn't of left him, but he was glad she did. His family was overwhelmingly religious, and lived on the comforting edge of shim. They named him Andacus, and they were the only loved ones he had.

Puradynism. It was great, as they said. Magic is bad, as they said. But the only issue that Andacus found, was that, despite his viewpoint, magical things kept happening to him. He had side-stepped many times throughout his youth; once he had fallen in the river, another time the family dog had died. It had happened enough times for him to grow familiar with the wonders and horrors of the Astral plane, but it was only the horrors that haunted his sleeping hours. For this reason he saw the plane as something to fear rather than something to love.

He had managed to always side-step unnoticed and to explain any prolonged disappearances, while each and every day he grew closer to his family. He often practiced sword fighting with his father, and while it was more for fun than anything else, he managed to pick up some handy skills. Life was simple, and seemingly perfect, but Andacus couldn't uphold his facade forever.

Andacus's adoptive mother, while known for her kindness, soon became the victim of a cruel rumour in the small village. People said she practiced witch craft, and it was not long before a trial was held. Exploding with fury at his beloved mothers mistreatment, Andacus spoke out at her trial. He screamed mockery at the injustice and shouted about the corruption of the system. However, he's rampage fell suddenly short as the boy blinked out of existence. This was all the evidence needed for magical use, and the family were inevitably exiled.

Present

After returning to the material realm to find his family long gone, Andacus moved to Marn, as far as a boy his age could go, as to lower the chance if being recognised. Here he tries his hardest to survive by any means, driven by the goal of removing his "curse" so he may once more live a happy and ordinary life. He sees his experience as an injustice, as he did not chose to be born with this power, and it is therefore never below him to break the odd law here and there if it can guarantee a meal for the night.

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Katona
Staff
Posts: 374
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:51 am
Name: Nashandra Katona
Race: Human

Re: Andacus

Post by Katona » Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:12 am

Welcome to Thar, Andacus!

A minor point to start with: I recommend proof-reading your writing, and using spell-check, as there are a number of mistakes that can be easily fixed throughout the app.

Now, as a new member, and this being your first character, we require a character that has modest powers and represents a more typical character. A half-demon with the ability to move between realms is very powerful, even if he can't control it. You may choose to put this idea aside for now and wait until you've been around a while before resubmitting it, but for your first character I'll need something a little more toned down than this.

I'll review this side-stepping power anyway because there are a couple of other concerns I have with it. Firstly, although magic users can often remain hidden in Marn and Shim, the people who monitor magic use in the area would most likely pick up on something of this magnitude, especially if Andacus used it several times. Secondly, if he can be teleported very far away from Marn/Shim using this ability, you'll need to explain how he managed to get back to his home, as well as what happens if he appears somewhere dangerous (on either plane of existence). Also, you'll have to consider very seriously how this type of ability would play out in RP, because if he can be totally relocated or lose a lot of time, this may be almost impossible to sensibly work into a thread. What I mean is that if, for example, he side-steps during a thread, he might no longer be able to participate in that thread if he teleports to a different time/place from the other characters, so this power would disrupt story continuity in many cases.

Aside from that, I would also like to see more depth about who the character is. There is some insight into his personality here, but I'd like to see more. Think about all the aspects of his life, including his goals, his beliefs, his interests, his values, what keeps him going, what holds him back, what he spends his free time on, how he sees the world... Your app right now is a little overshadowed by the tragedies in his life, and it's hard to tell what he'd be like underneath all that!

If you'd like to talk about character ideas or need help making this character more suitable as a first character, feel free to ask me or another mod! When you're ready to have the app looked at again, reply to this thread to let me know. If you have any questions or concerns, you can PM me or another mod, reply to this thread, or try to catch someone in chat. Chat is the best way to get your questions answered quickly, and it's a great place to get to know people or just hang out, so I highly recommend spending some time there!

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