Telrunya Abonnendir

[Telrunya Abonnendir]

Name: Telrunya Abonnendir
Age: 95 (looks 25)
Race: Elf

Physical Description:

Head Area: He has long flowing golden hair just past his shoulders. He has braided his hair nearest to his ears on both sides with beautiful beads that he has purchased with his profits. His eyes are a deep sea blue and contrast to his pale white Elven skin tone. He has a beautiful smile and uses it regularly.
Body: Telrunya is lightly muscled and isn't the strongest but can use a bow with ease. He is average height (for an Elf) and is slightly lighter (than the average elf).

Possessions:

A bow and arrows: Telrunya uses his father's bow and crafts his arrows from purchased material.
A weaving kit: Telrunya uses this to weave and craft his beautiful designs he sells in the market.
A small Elven knife: Telrunya also carries around this knife for finishing off struggling or hurt animals as well as skinning and gutting the ones he's caught.

Powers or Strengths:

Magic: Telrunya can use 3 basic enchantments on his arrows. These enchantments are quick to create (so to avoid being found by the guard)
Fire: Burns the area where the arrow has hit.
Stun: The arrow, instead of piercing the target, slams itself into them (only affective if it hits the head or other sensitive areas and pressure points).
Shock: Sends a weak pulse of electricity through the point of the arrow.
Physical Strengths:
Skilled with a bow
Has quite a lot of bishani
Is taller than most humans

Weaknesses and Flaws:

Is weak so he is not very good at close range combat if the reason arises (which it hasn’t yet)
He is so scared of the dark that the very thought of being encased in darkness brings him down to his knees.
The loss of his parents brings him great sorrow and the offence of either one of them will send him off in rage.
Arrogance and boasting about his profit
Loneliness

History:

Telrunya was brought up by his father in the city of Marn. His mother died giving birth to Telrunya so he doesn’t really know his mother, apart from the few odd paintings around the house.
Telruya and his father live in an average, single story home in the central part of the residential district. His father had brought him up single-handedly with the profit he receives from hunting.
While Telrunya’s father was hunting a babysitter was hired to look after Telrunya. The babysitter was a human (around the age of 16) who’s only interest was in the money she was receiving and paid no attention to Telrunya. She even bullied him for her own entertainment. Due to these childhood memories Telrunya hates people who he doesn’t know, and is rather unpleasant to most humans and elves and anyone else who talks to him. Yet he wonders why he’s lonely.

At the age 25 Telrunya’s father taught him how to hunt with a bow, and like most Elves, Telrunya was a natural. To aid him his dad taught him three quick incantations that would take hardly any time to use. Telrunya was puzzled at first because he was taught that magic was illegal, but he later realized that the intelligent use of the illegal arts was pretty much the only thing between life and death for him and his father. Though these incantations were weak they still used them occasionally (so not to be caught) Telrunya was puzzled at first because he was taught that magic was illegal, but he later realized that the intelligent use of the illegal arts was pretty much the only thing between life and death for him and his father.
The first animal Telrunya killed was not on his first hunt or second, but his third. It was a rabbit-like creature with fangs protruding from its mouth. It was quite a frightful sight. After that Telrunya kept improving and improving his hunting skills helping his father supply enough food and bishani to keep them healthy.

All this changed one evening. Telrunya was 35 (still very young for an elf) and was at his favorite bar, ‘The Dragons Fire’ when an old man came up and sat on the counter next to him and pulled out a strange looking device. He then took out some material and weaved a beautiful small towel. The towel had a painting looking thing on it of a beautiful forest. Only a few beams of light came through the treetops so that parts were illuminated while some parts were hidden in the dark. It was a marvelous piece of work. Out of curiosity Telrunya asked the man if he could show him how he weaved like that. So the man took out some more material and chanted some kind of incantation on the weaving device. The man then crafted another magnificent towel, this time, explaining to Telrunya what he was doing. The two worked together all through the night, the old man explaining to Telrunya more and more until the man ran out of fabric. Telrunya and the man arranged to meet up the following morning at the man’s house so Telrunya could continue learning.
The next morning Telrunya made his way to the man’s house. Telrunya then spent the rest of the morning at the man’s house learning to weave. After months and months of training with the man (who Telrunya eventually figured out was called Mark) Telrunya was able to create wonderful masterpieces. Telrunya bought himself one of the magical weavers and began making his own weavings. He sold them at his little market stall and they also made quite a profit.

One evening when Telrunya reached his home, his bag stuffed with leftover goods and the profit he made, he wasn’t greeted by his father, but instead by a solemn looking man. In fact the man was his Uncle Albert whom Telrunya hadn’t seen in years. Telrunya let himself and Albert in and offered him a seat and some tea. After his uncle had eaten a biscuit and had a sip of tea he sat down and told Telrunya how his father had been killed by a demonic creature when he ventured too close to its nest. Telrunya couldn’t believe what the man had just said. Now he had lost the two people he loved, but he was old now (for humans) and he kept strong, fighting back the horde of tears trying to burst past his eyeballs. His uncle offered to take care of Telrunya, that he comes back to his home and that they lived together. But Telrunya couldn’t bring himself to leave his home. He kindly refused the request and went to his room closing the door on his uncle’s face.
Though his father’s death should have stiked fear into Telrunya’s heart and made him scared of hunting. His father’s death only made Telrunya all the more want to go out and kill whatever had killed his father. Telrunya searches for the beast everyday hoping to avenge his father’s death.

The next day he went to the stall glumly, sold his weavings and hunted game, and then left to home to make him some tea and biscuits while reading a book, then in the evening he goes to any tavern downtown and hopes for some adventure or something to change his daily schedule. . This is the pattern of his life, and how it shall continue until he finds adventure at a nearby inn…

[Katona]

First and foremost, I feel like you would have a much better time writing at a site like Unicorn Visions. We often recommend this forum to people who would be better off with a more open, creative writing environment, as opposed to the strict realism and higher expectations of Thar Shaddin. That aside, there are a number of things I still need to see in your app before it can be approved.

This is important: the man Telrunya met in the inn would not have shown him a magical incantation if they were strangers. They're in Marn, a city where any sign of being an illegal magic user can get you imprisoned (or even executed). You need to understand that if anyone is using magic in the city, they're highly secretive about it. You need to show that you understand the setting for me to feel comfortable approving your application, because it will be important when it comes to posting in a thread.

You still haven't explained how Uncle Albert knew how the father had been killed. Was Albert there? Who was there to verify how the father died? Do they even know what the creature looks like?

If Telrunya spends every day searching for the beast, how does he have time to hunt and weave and run a stall? There are only 24 hours in a day, you know, and some of those are gonna be taken up by sleeping and eating, not to mention traveling. I think you may be over-estimating the extent of your character's abilities, and I want you to rethink this and rewrite it more realistically.

I'll leave it there for now. Let me know when you've made all of these changes by posting in this thread. Thanks!