Viktoricus Fergoozo

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ViKtoricus
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Name: Viktoricus
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Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:17 am

Name: Viktoricus “The Bear Killer” Fergoozo

Age: 18

Race: Human

Height: 5'6

Weight: 170 pounds

Description:

Viktoricus's body screams power. Everything from his neck down to his calves, they're all built like bloated stone. Although short and light (5'6, 170 pounds), his body packs the strength of most 230 pounders. At a super lean 170 pounds, his body fat level is down to 4%. This is not only because of his good diet, but also because of his ultra-active metabolism due to his good genetics. Viktoricus was born to be an athlete. It's as if God decided to create a near perfect specimen of human and put it on earth for His own little amusement. Although his physique is fairly balanced, his thighs and back packs the most power. This is due to years spent doing ultra heavy cleans and squats. At age 18, he is cleaning and jerking 405 pounds.

“Bold” is the first thing that would come to mind when you first meet Viktoricus. He is brash, brazen, and daring. If you bully him by even the slightest bit, he will most likely punch you in the face, without hesitation. If you cross his path, you will be faced with a lot of pain. Physical pain. When it comes to the opposite sex, he doesn't hesitate to approach them. Like I said, “Bold” is the first thing that would come to mind when you first meet him.

When it comes to morals, he barely has any. His rule in morals is simple. “If I'm not harming anyone, I am allowed to do it.” His definition of “harming anyone” is quite loose. If he steals from a rich person and that rich person barely lost any money, according to Vik, he didn't “harm” him. If he punches someone but doesn't break any bones in that person, he didn't “harm” that person.



Possessions:
  • A house in Marn, about 30x30 square feet with a bathroom, bedroom, and a kitchen.
  • Weightlifting equipments. His whole living room is transformed into a state of the art workout area, with a barbell (with additional weights), an adjustable squat rack, and a weightlifting platform.
  • A heavy bronze shield.
  • A shortsword.
  • A massive chest. (This is where he puts his shield and sword.)
  • A small purse to put bishan in.
  • LOTS of stored beef jerky.
  • Cooking tools.
  • All sorts of clothes.
  • Special weightlifting shoes.
  • History books.
  • Notebooks. (To record his daily workouts)
  • A training dummy.
  • A weighing scale


Strengths:
  • Extremely physically powerful - Viktoricus is an absolute beast. Years of weight training has transformed the young man into a super solid wall of muscle. Some say he has the blood of a troll. He can clean and jerk 405 pounds. Not bad, especially for an 18 year old... who weighs 170 pounds. In combat, he can swing his heavy bronze shield with ease and finesse, all because of his sheer power.
  • Confidence - Viktoricus is fearless in anything but spiders. His confidence can be considered his best asset, as it gives him an edge when it comes to flirting with girls, taking up a challenge, and facing tough obstacles. He truly believes that he can do anything he puts his mind into, and he invests his mental energy on furthering his physical strength, seducing the sexiest girl around, and getting more money.
  • A logical, emotionless mind - Although Viktoricus is capable of feeling emotions just like any other human being, he is very adept at not taking things personally. If a girl rejects him, it's okay for him. He doesn't believe it's his fault. He also thinks for himself very much. He understands that the world is a dog-eat-dog system where only the smartest and strongest survive.
  • Always up for a new challenge - Can't bench press 1000 pounds yet? KEEP TRYING! Can't outrun a cheetah yet? KEEP TRYING! Can't outwrestile a troll? KEEP TRYING! Viktoricus loves challenges. Everyday is a day full of opportunities to improve upon something for him.
  • Socially flexible - He knows how to act in most situations. He has a firm grasp of the human psyche and is wise in talking to people. He can be sincere if he needs to, or fake sincerity if he needs to.
  • Good with a shield - His shield skills is definitely much better compared to his sword skills. Not only does he use his shield to block incoming attacks, he is also adept at using the shield as a deadly bashing weapon. When in combat, he is nearly impenetrable and very deadly. He can also use his shield to disarm his opponent by parrying an attack.
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Last edited by ViKtoricus on Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:23 am, edited 7 times in total.

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:21 am

:) I have to say this comes across as a trolling type app.

If you are serious, please take the time to read the New Character Guide, look at apps that have been approved, and read the setting.

Once you have done those things, please revise this character app and let us know when you are ready.

Thanks!
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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ViKtoricus
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:25 am

I'm sorry. I didn't know the standards of this forum until I saw the others. I will revise it as soon as I can.

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:16 pm

Thanks for making a new pass at the character. Yes, we do have some fairly high standards as we want to write stories collaboratively together. Thank you for understanding that!

In reading through what you have posted, I want to challenge you to develop the character a little more. I am not clear on what you hope to gain from being in this setting. I am not finding the character particularly compelling.

What is the point of Vik? There is a LOT of focus on his weightlifting. Why should we care? Why does he care? If he needs to conserve his energy then how is it he is macking on all on the girls and partying all the time? A dedicated life to physical fitness usually means not doing that other stuff. There's meal planning, and eating, and exercising, and eating, and exercising, and eating. ... but not much else - especially when you add in the low body fat.


From a character development perspective - What is is purpose? Where do you see him going? Does he have any ambitions? What makes him tick and why?

Do you see him living in Marn? Marn is an established city with a strong military who also acts as a police force as well.

How do you see him interacting within the community?

Consider your descriptives - "somewhat of a long hair that is black" so does that mean he has shoulder length black hair? or does it go down to his butt? or middle back?

Does he run around naked? Does he let a room in the local tavern?

The character comes across as very generic and a caricature of something you would find on Showtime's Spartacus.

Another thought, you may find building your writing skills and concepts on other sites, such as Unicorn Visions (don't be put off on the name) a good start.
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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ViKtoricus
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sat Sep 21, 2013 10:18 pm

Hi. This is my update. I'm definitely not done yet, but do I need to add more for the description?

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:04 am

I think we get his physical description very well.

I still don't understand what the point of the character is. Are you envisioning fight club? Are you wanting to recreate that manga character so you fan-write it? If you are, let me point you a number of other sites where I think the character will fit in better.
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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ViKtoricus
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:17 am

No no, I like it here.

I'm trying to make a character that I want to be in real life but currently can't.

I just got done with the description, now I'm moving on to strengths and such. I'm just taking this step by step.

Am I in the right direction?

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:23 am

It's a start! Please do consider the purpose or reason for this character and how this character will fit in the setting. I hope you have read the new character guide and the settings wiki.

Others need to want to write with him with their characters. Capice?

Characters are part of the story, sometimes they are the story, but not always.

I moved Vik to the WIP area since he is not done yet.

I may have some of the other mods work with you as well.
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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ViKtoricus
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:24 am

Thanks Metarie.

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:33 am

Also, I moved the pic to the bottom because it is distracting.
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:25 pm

In talking with some of the other mods, we think this character is not a good fit for the setting and will not work. SO before you spend a whole lot of time figuring this one out, please stop.

I appreciate your willingness to build a character and accept feedback, but this just is not going to work.
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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ViKtoricus
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by ViKtoricus » Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:18 pm

Go fuck yourself you dumbass slut.

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Saruna
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Saruna » Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:20 pm

7/10

Brief, but plainly spoken. Near maximum use of insult out of the six words used. Bravo, sir. Bravo. I can. . .yes, yes I can nearly taste the very anger oozing out of that single sentence. It tastes like -- why yes, I believe it tastes like
ROIDRAGE
.
#biologicallyconscientious||Characters and threads.

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Metarie
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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Metarie » Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:54 pm

My husband asks that if I do choose to follow those instructions to please let him know, because he wants to watch :twisted:
A story is like a tapestry; it is never finished until the final thread is sewn.

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Re: Viktoricus Fergoozo

Post by Frug » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:26 pm

Hahaha
The world is an arena, not a stage. RP is a stage, not an arena.

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