Luna Longfang

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Luna Longfang
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Posts: 1
Joined: Mon May 06, 2013 5:30 am
Name: Luna Longfang
Race: Human Werewolf

Luna Longfang

Post by Luna Longfang » Tue May 07, 2013 2:17 am

Name: Luna Longfang (Once Luna of the Long Fangs)
Age: 22
Race: Human Werewolf
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 137 lbs.

Physical Description:
Luna is of average height, maybe a little on the short side. She has shoulder-length white hair and piercing blue eyes. She is thin, but strong enough to wield an average sized sword with ease. Luna has good speed capabilities on foot, allowing her to win a foot race against an average person most of the time. She has a pale skin tone, and is uncomfortable in the sunlight, which is why she usually can be seen with her worn cloak draped around her outdoors.
Image

Possessions: Luna has but three major possessions:
-Her brother's worn down cloak that she almost always wears. If Luna is outside in the daytime, the hood of the cloak is almost always up, as the sun bothers her. She will remove it indoors out of courtesy.
-Her mother's crescent moon shaped necklace made of pure silver.
-Her father's ceremonial rapier that she has learned to use as a lethal weapon.

Powers: Luna is cursed with Lycanthropy, and as such, she must "Turn" every major phase of the moon (Full, New, Waxing Gibbous, Waning Crescent, etc.). Luna may choose to "Turn" every night if she so wishes.

Strengths: Luna is a fairly fast runner, and is very crafty, allowing her to think her way out of a tricky situation when stabbing people doesn't allow it. Also, if you consider being able to play the viola and the lute a strength, she is also able to do that as well, if not in a bit of an amateurish way.

Weaknesses: Again, Luna is cursed with Lycanthropy, so she must "Turn" every major phase of the moon. She also does not have much physical strength in her human form. Luna also tends to be a bit of a nuisance, as she likes to stick her nose into other's business. Once she starts something, she almost never gives up.

History:
Luna's story does not begin with her. Instead, it begins with her father.

John of the Iron Fist was a great warrior. He also happened to be a drunken brawler, which doesn't tend to mix well with his first job title. He had a nice wife with one child, Henry. They lived a simple life in the town of Shim. He produced enough income to support his family, and then blow the rest of it on more drinking at the Red Chalice. One day, in one of his drunken stupors, he was approached by thin, wiry man. The man and John spoke for the greater part on an hour, and John had acquired another job: to hunt down and kill a werewolf. John was given a paper so he would remember where he was headed, and set out to find his quarry. He approached the lonely house that the werewolf was hiding in, slew the woman and children that were the werewolf's slaves, and then thrust his broadsword into the werewolf's gut. But as his mind cleared, he realized his mistake. All around him, he failed to notice before, were the heads of werewolves and silver weapons. John had slain a great werewolf hunter. With his dying words, the hunter cursed upon John's bloodline Lycanthropy, forcing each child in his family line to be born with this quandary. John never forgave himself for what he did, for as he stepped outside of the shack, he was confronted by the old man from the inn, who revealed himself to be a werewolf, then struck John down, satisfied that the hunter was no more.

A few days later, John's wife, who had been pregnant, gave birth to a baby girl. She named the girl Luna for three reasons. Firstly, her skin was very pale, and shone in the moonlight. Secondly, her eyes were a piercing blue. Thirdly, she was born as the clock struck midnight. Luna's mother had unfortunately died shortly after childbirth, forcing her brother to raise her. When Luna turned 21, her brother decided to set out and hunt down the werewolf that murdered their father.

Now, after her brother has not been heard from in a year, Luna has decided to set out on her own. Discarding the title her brother gave her and changing it into the surname Longfang, she is traveling out to find her brother, slay her father's murderer, and find a cure for her Lycanthropy once and for all. She has decided to start her search in the city of Marn, hoping its large population and near constant stream of travelers will at least give her a clue on where to go next.

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Stella
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Posts: 333
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:34 am
Name: Zaskia
Race: Human

Re: Luna Longfang

Post by Stella » Tue May 07, 2013 10:02 pm

Hi there and welcome to Thar! I have a few things I'd like to mention on your application.

I'm not sure 5' 7" is "a little on the short side." The average height for women was 5' 3"-ish last I checked, though it does vary greatly by location.

What you've got here seems to be more or less a picture with the frame of a character, but you haven't fleshed her out yet. You have more written in her history about Luna's father than Luna herself. What happened during the 21 year period between infancy and adulthood? Did nothing happen? Did her brother try to keep her lycanthropy a secret? When did Luna discover that she could change, or did she always have it happen at night even from infancy? What was it like for her to only have a brother and no parents? What age was her brother when he was forced to care for his baby sister? Did Luna go to school or did she work because her family was poor? What was/is her relationship like with her brother? Did he hate her because of her condition? These are suggestions for you to flesh out her history a little more. I have no idea what kind of person she is or what her early life was like. I only know what she looks like, that she turns into a wolf at night, she's apparently determined, and likes gossip.

I'm confused as to how their bloodline was cursed. Did the hunter utter a magical prayer? Usually verbal curses that disfigure or permanently alter people take a lot of power to do, so this wasn't just any hunter if that's the case. How did Luna then get passed this curse? John was killed immediately after being cursed and his wife was already heavily pregnant. I'd like some clarification on this.

Why was Luna born with albinism? Was that part of the curse the mage hunter put on her father, or was it just a strange coincidence? Wasn't her mother freaked out that her infant wasn't pink? That's usually a sign the child isn't breathing properly or is horribly ill.

You should combine her powers and strengths into one section. Strengths don't have to be magical or combat-related in nature. I see you've put that she has some talent with music, which is good. What other parts of her personality might be considered a strength? Is she strong willed, determined? Does her other form have any strengths that she doesn't have as a human?

You should list albinism in her weaknesses. Does the sun only bother her or does it burn her with exposure? I like that you've got a couple personality pieces in her weaknesses. You might also include things like her being a bit socially strange. I would imagine that having her brother raise her in a small farming town would not be the greatest recipe for a well-adjusted person. Does it hurt when she shifts? What kinds of weaknesses does her other form have?

Speaking of her other form, what is her other form? Is it just a wolf? Or is it a half-wolf form? Can she shift into both? Many shifters in Pal Tahrenor are capable of taking these two forms. What does the wolf look like? Other players will need a reference.

Does Luna wear her silver necklace? It would burn her. All werewolves have an allergy to silver.
Why and when did Luna learn to fight with a weapon? Does she have any money?

Leave a reply when you'd like me to look at this again.
(09:20:49) Kahmari: and can't even specificly put what their lore is from then complains when someone knows the lore of their char
(09:21:13) Stella: I too enjo specifcly lore chars.

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