Allen had had enough of his fucking pot. It'd crafted the damn thing, shaped it perfectly, hell even had put on some lovely, intricate metal vines on the damn thing. But would the paint set proper on it? Noooo... fucking piece of shit. Snorting, Allen made his way into his favorite tavern and plopped down in his spot, barking his usual at the barmaid even as he admired her legs. Humans have such nice, long, sexy legs.
As he sat back and drank his ale, Allen pondered where the fuck he went wrong with his paints. Perhaps there was too much oil? That'd certainly explain why the damn substance ran down the pot... but if he put any more pigments in it the colors would be too fucking saturated. Some shit just didn't work even if ya do your damnedest. Stupid fucking pot...
Tall tales and Short Men
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg entered on of his favorite taverns, and grabbed the rail on the bar.
"ANNA! I'm down here!"
The bartender Anna looked over the bar and spotted the gnome, his legs dangling as he held onto the bar. She smiled at him and plunked his favorite ale on the bar and he grabbed at it.
"Thanks! I've got three barrels of Brown Egg with your name on them!"
"Better not be gnome sized barrels little man."
Egg stopped, mock indignation and hurt feelings on his face.
"Why, I would never!"
They both cracked up laughing, as this as a charade had been acted out before, many times. He climbed into a booth area and took a deep drink, looking around the tavern.
"ANNA! I'm down here!"
The bartender Anna looked over the bar and spotted the gnome, his legs dangling as he held onto the bar. She smiled at him and plunked his favorite ale on the bar and he grabbed at it.
"Thanks! I've got three barrels of Brown Egg with your name on them!"
"Better not be gnome sized barrels little man."
Egg stopped, mock indignation and hurt feelings on his face.
"Why, I would never!"
They both cracked up laughing, as this as a charade had been acted out before, many times. He climbed into a booth area and took a deep drink, looking around the tavern.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Allen watched the exchange from afar, snorting into his mug at the cheery gnome. Fucker likely never had a hard day in his life. Or maybe he was crazy from having one too many? Again Allen snorted into his mug, chortling into the ale.
"Oi, barmaid, another round if ye' don't be mindin'!" Allen called, signaling her. "An' another one for my fellow short man!" Allen bellowed, gesturing at Egg.
"Oi, barmaid, another round if ye' don't be mindin'!" Allen called, signaling her. "An' another one for my fellow short man!" Allen bellowed, gesturing at Egg.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg looked at the dwarf.
"Thank you, slightly taller short man!"
Egg smiled. It had been a good day. Fermentation was done on some of the new batches of beer, and he had finally got past that little problem on that cooking device he had been commissioned to build. Now that the flames didn't shoot three feet into the air, he felt more than comfortable having the customer pick it up. He needed to get to work on and finish that lifter the Dock Workers Union wanted, something about large crates crushing people under them from trying to lift them.
Anna sat the new mug of ale in front of him, and Egg hurriedly drained his first one. Looking to the dwarf, he raised his mug in a cheery salute and drained it in one gulp.
"Anna! Another for me and one to pay back that gentleman over there!"
"Thank you, slightly taller short man!"
Egg smiled. It had been a good day. Fermentation was done on some of the new batches of beer, and he had finally got past that little problem on that cooking device he had been commissioned to build. Now that the flames didn't shoot three feet into the air, he felt more than comfortable having the customer pick it up. He needed to get to work on and finish that lifter the Dock Workers Union wanted, something about large crates crushing people under them from trying to lift them.
Anna sat the new mug of ale in front of him, and Egg hurriedly drained his first one. Looking to the dwarf, he raised his mug in a cheery salute and drained it in one gulp.
"Anna! Another for me and one to pay back that gentleman over there!"
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Allen roared in laughter - he liked this guy! Down went his first and second mug easily along with the third Anna brought him. "Thank ye lass!" Allen roared at Anna before getting up and striding over to egg's table.
"Mind if I join ya big guy?" Allen asked, if not a little less gruffly than he would normally ask. He usually kept his "nice-ness" for other short people. Of course being nice generally included not calling them ragging ass hats with small-sized sexual organs.
Allen grinned. "I'll even buy the next round."
"Mind if I join ya big guy?" Allen asked, if not a little less gruffly than he would normally ask. He usually kept his "nice-ness" for other short people. Of course being nice generally included not calling them ragging ass hats with small-sized sexual organs.
Allen grinned. "I'll even buy the next round."
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg grinned, and downed the new mug in two gulps.
"Sure, have a seat. If you keep me supplied in alcohol, I'll break your pocket fairly quick."
Egg set the empty mug down as Anna plunked two new mugs in front of both of them. He smiled and inclined his head towards the dwarves mug, inviting him to take first drink. There wasn't a creature living, except maybe a troll or Big Jim that could outdrink Egglebert Gearsprocket Tinkerton. A fact he was quite proud of, and planned to back up fiercely.
"So, may I inquire as to your name, my fine giant of a friend?"
"Sure, have a seat. If you keep me supplied in alcohol, I'll break your pocket fairly quick."
Egg set the empty mug down as Anna plunked two new mugs in front of both of them. He smiled and inclined his head towards the dwarves mug, inviting him to take first drink. There wasn't a creature living, except maybe a troll or Big Jim that could outdrink Egglebert Gearsprocket Tinkerton. A fact he was quite proud of, and planned to back up fiercely.
"So, may I inquire as to your name, my fine giant of a friend?"
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Back went the drink as easy as one would knock back a shot of water. Down slammed the mug as Allen grinned at the gnome before him.
"Ye can call me Allen.. or Len." He waved over another round from Anna even as she was bringing them over, clearly knowing both the gnome and dwarf well. Mimicing the gnomes action he nodded to the gnome to indicate that he could take first drink.
"And what d'ya call yourself, sir gnome?"
"Ye can call me Allen.. or Len." He waved over another round from Anna even as she was bringing them over, clearly knowing both the gnome and dwarf well. Mimicing the gnomes action he nodded to the gnome to indicate that he could take first drink.
"And what d'ya call yourself, sir gnome?"
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg looked at the dwarf. In most cultures, drinking contests where serious business. And Egg had been raised to believe that. Beforehe even thought about answering, he drained the mug in front of him and grabbed the fresh one out of Annas' hand and drained it as well.
Belched quietly, he laughed.
"They call me Egglebert Gearsprocket Tinkerton. Everyone calls me Egg though."
He sat back and patted his ample stomach, and waited for the dwarf to take a drink of his own ale.
Belched quietly, he laughed.
"They call me Egglebert Gearsprocket Tinkerton. Everyone calls me Egg though."
He sat back and patted his ample stomach, and waited for the dwarf to take a drink of his own ale.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
In the darkest corner of the bar with a scowl on his face sat Drayel. Miserable as always he glowered at passing barmaids and people with little interest. That is until he heard a loud bang and the voice of an obnoxious dwarf. Scowling he glanced over at the table where the bellowing fool sat. Seeing who else sat there however made his stomach clench and his heart pound.
It was a gnome.
Drayel fought back the urge to flee, not wanting to attract attention to his weakness. See it drain a mug of the ale itself he quickly realized that it intended to stay. Oh why did fate hate him so much? He hadn't done anything wrong and yet here he sat with a gnome only a couple tables away.
Father, help me. Drayel thought miserably as he laid his head on the table and pretended to be asleep. Oh god this was gonna be a long night.
It was a gnome.
Drayel fought back the urge to flee, not wanting to attract attention to his weakness. See it drain a mug of the ale itself he quickly realized that it intended to stay. Oh why did fate hate him so much? He hadn't done anything wrong and yet here he sat with a gnome only a couple tables away.
Father, help me. Drayel thought miserably as he laid his head on the table and pretended to be asleep. Oh god this was gonna be a long night.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Again Allen knocked back his drink and barked for more. Getting the idea Anna just rolled her eyes and brought over several rounds worth. Looking between the two she simply said: "The loser pays." Allen laughed in agreement, knocked back his drink and slammed it on the table. He was now one-upping Egg, though not for long he hoped.
"That, my friend, is a fucking long ass name. So what the hell do you do for a living?" Allen said, petting his beard thoughtfully, noticing a human male glance in their direction, get very pale, and flop onto his table. Weird.
"Hey Anna! Get that poor long-legged asshole a drink, on me, eh?" Allen roared, gesturing at the man just a few tables down. And because he was such an asshole he added with a smirk: "An' ask if he wants to join us and try to best a dwarf and gnome at a drinking contest!"
"That, my friend, is a fucking long ass name. So what the hell do you do for a living?" Allen said, petting his beard thoughtfully, noticing a human male glance in their direction, get very pale, and flop onto his table. Weird.
"Hey Anna! Get that poor long-legged asshole a drink, on me, eh?" Allen roared, gesturing at the man just a few tables down. And because he was such an asshole he added with a smirk: "An' ask if he wants to join us and try to best a dwarf and gnome at a drinking contest!"
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Drayel forced his breathing to keep steady as he continued to play possum. Perhaps now if he stayed still he'd actually go to sleep and when he woke up the gnome would be gone. Yes, that would be a good idea.
"Hey, wake up." A woman's purring voice reached his ears and he cringed. Fate hated him worse than normal it appeared. Deciding to continue 'sleeping' Drayel tried to ignore the prodding and nudges of the determined barmaid.
"Wake up or I'll soak your head." She finally snapped giving him a sharp kick in the calf. Grunting in pain his head shot up and he glared at her venomously.
"What in the hell do you want?" He snarled causing the barmaid to cock an eyebrow.
"The dwarf want's to know if you want a drinking contest with him and the gnome." the woman said flatly. "He got you a pint too."
"The dwarf?" Drayel blinked as he stared at the drink startled. Immediately suspicion set in and he glowered at the ale with disgust. Snorting he pushed the drink away and glared up at her. "Tell him I decline both."
"You're a big boy. You tell him." The woman said walking away. Drayel cringed. But that would mean he'd have to go near... the gnome... Drayel shuddered.
Just walk over there, decline, and walk away. Drayel thought as he got up and made his way to the table. Just walk, decline, leave...
"Hey, wake up." A woman's purring voice reached his ears and he cringed. Fate hated him worse than normal it appeared. Deciding to continue 'sleeping' Drayel tried to ignore the prodding and nudges of the determined barmaid.
"Wake up or I'll soak your head." She finally snapped giving him a sharp kick in the calf. Grunting in pain his head shot up and he glared at her venomously.
"What in the hell do you want?" He snarled causing the barmaid to cock an eyebrow.
"The dwarf want's to know if you want a drinking contest with him and the gnome." the woman said flatly. "He got you a pint too."
"The dwarf?" Drayel blinked as he stared at the drink startled. Immediately suspicion set in and he glowered at the ale with disgust. Snorting he pushed the drink away and glared up at her. "Tell him I decline both."
"You're a big boy. You tell him." The woman said walking away. Drayel cringed. But that would mean he'd have to go near... the gnome... Drayel shuddered.
Just walk over there, decline, and walk away. Drayel thought as he got up and made his way to the table. Just walk, decline, leave...
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg looked surprised at Allens question. Everyone knew what gnomes did.
"Why, I'm a gnome! I build things. Fix things, create things, make works of art! I also brew and drink beer."
Egg looked a little sheepish at the last part. Most stereotypes stated that dwarves and humans made beer, while gnomes stuck to the inventing. He drained his mug, and motioned for Anna to come over.
"Anna, why don't you have that barrel mover of yours bring up those barrels of Brown Egg so we don't drink your whole supply? I'll replace the Brown Egg tomorrow for you."
The human woman affectionately yanked on the gnomes scraggly goatee. Egg looked at her and scowled. He hated when she did that! It wasn't his fault that he couldn't grow a beard. Maybe he should see if any one had a hair growth potion.... Shaking his head, he looked at the human walking towards them.
"Allen, I don't think he wants to join us. He looks frightened. Must be my amazing sense of humor and charming good looks."
"Why, I'm a gnome! I build things. Fix things, create things, make works of art! I also brew and drink beer."
Egg looked a little sheepish at the last part. Most stereotypes stated that dwarves and humans made beer, while gnomes stuck to the inventing. He drained his mug, and motioned for Anna to come over.
"Anna, why don't you have that barrel mover of yours bring up those barrels of Brown Egg so we don't drink your whole supply? I'll replace the Brown Egg tomorrow for you."
The human woman affectionately yanked on the gnomes scraggly goatee. Egg looked at her and scowled. He hated when she did that! It wasn't his fault that he couldn't grow a beard. Maybe he should see if any one had a hair growth potion.... Shaking his head, he looked at the human walking towards them.
"Allen, I don't think he wants to join us. He looks frightened. Must be my amazing sense of humor and charming good looks."
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Allen was shocked. The gnome brewed! And, he though to himself gruffly the dwarf creates art... what a pair we are.... When he ordered a barrel of what had become Al's favourite within the past little while, the dwarf's mouth hit the floor. Before him was the creator of Brown Egg! Allen was still inwardly sputtering when Anna tugged the scruff Egg called a goatee and wandered off. Allen raised an eyebrow, laughing heartily.
"You got yourself a human woman there Egg?" Allen roared then noticed the rather pale human and grinned.
"Hey there, leggy, come join us!" He roared, scooting to the side to make room for the tall human. He ignored Egg's comment to a point.
"Nah nah nah, he's jus' afraid of being drunk under the table by a couple of stouter, manlier men!" He roared laughing again, pounding his chest with a fist, causing a loud belch. He laughed, not bothering to excuse himself before looking at the still standing human.
"Oi, leggy, ya too good to share a couple pints with a couple 'a "short people" Allen quoted, his challenge evident and dripping with what could only be described as smugness. Any pansy who turned down a drinking contest was just simply not a man in Allen's eyes.
"You got yourself a human woman there Egg?" Allen roared then noticed the rather pale human and grinned.
"Hey there, leggy, come join us!" He roared, scooting to the side to make room for the tall human. He ignored Egg's comment to a point.
"Nah nah nah, he's jus' afraid of being drunk under the table by a couple of stouter, manlier men!" He roared laughing again, pounding his chest with a fist, causing a loud belch. He laughed, not bothering to excuse himself before looking at the still standing human.
"Oi, leggy, ya too good to share a couple pints with a couple 'a "short people" Allen quoted, his challenge evident and dripping with what could only be described as smugness. Any pansy who turned down a drinking contest was just simply not a man in Allen's eyes.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Drayel scowled as the dwarf laughed in his face over something so stupid. Manlier men? What in the hell made them so 'manly'? They weren't taller than him by any means, and the dwarf was one of most disgusting thing he had seen in ages. Yet he said he was manlier then Drayel. This angered him to no end.
"The name's Drayel. Not leggy." He growled as he tried to ignore the gnome. "Who do think you are dwarf? I don't know you and you don't know me, yet you stupidly invite me for a drink. Then right after that you damn well challenge me to a drinking contest when both you and your.... friend have clearly downed almost half of your own body weight."
Snorting to show his disapproval Drayel turned on his heel to walk away only to run into a gaping barmaid. Ale flew in the air and splattered everywhere. The barmaid screeched as she clung to the only semi upright object...Drayel.
The sudden weight and slippery floors caused Drayel to fall back onto the table with the waitress flopped on his chest. Grunting he lifted his head to glower at her only to realize that he had bigger problems to deal with. Slowly he looked to his left and stared into the eyes of the gnome. Aw shit.
"The name's Drayel. Not leggy." He growled as he tried to ignore the gnome. "Who do think you are dwarf? I don't know you and you don't know me, yet you stupidly invite me for a drink. Then right after that you damn well challenge me to a drinking contest when both you and your.... friend have clearly downed almost half of your own body weight."
Snorting to show his disapproval Drayel turned on his heel to walk away only to run into a gaping barmaid. Ale flew in the air and splattered everywhere. The barmaid screeched as she clung to the only semi upright object...Drayel.
The sudden weight and slippery floors caused Drayel to fall back onto the table with the waitress flopped on his chest. Grunting he lifted his head to glower at her only to realize that he had bigger problems to deal with. Slowly he looked to his left and stared into the eyes of the gnome. Aw shit.
Re: Tall tales and Short Men
Egg sputtered. "No, no, Anna is just a business acquaintance. She likes to tease me."
He watched as the mans emotions went from scared, disgusted, and finally when he looked Egg in the eyes, almost terrified. What the hell? No one is scared of a fat gnome!
Egg jumped up to avoid the liquids that had been spilled on the floor and table. This was his favorite blue shirt and yellow cummerbund, by Diosus! He danced out of the way of everything, coming around the side to help Anna up from the mans chest. Egg looked at the man and began to shrilly yell at the man. When angered, Eggs fine tenor voice took on all the majestic qualities of a screeching eagle.
"You clumsy lout! What do you think you are doing! Can you not pay attention where you are going! Or is it beneath you to think someone may be behind you! You sir, are a boorish, uncouth, raggedy.. GAH!"
the end of every sentence had been punctuated by the small index finger of the gnome stabbing the man in the chest with as much force as his little body could muster, and now Egg was frazzled beyond all measure, and he could most likely fry an egg on his forehead he was so angry. He was still muttering to himself as he picked his way back to his seat, taking the proffered rag from another barmaid to clean it and his table area.
He watched as the mans emotions went from scared, disgusted, and finally when he looked Egg in the eyes, almost terrified. What the hell? No one is scared of a fat gnome!
Egg jumped up to avoid the liquids that had been spilled on the floor and table. This was his favorite blue shirt and yellow cummerbund, by Diosus! He danced out of the way of everything, coming around the side to help Anna up from the mans chest. Egg looked at the man and began to shrilly yell at the man. When angered, Eggs fine tenor voice took on all the majestic qualities of a screeching eagle.
"You clumsy lout! What do you think you are doing! Can you not pay attention where you are going! Or is it beneath you to think someone may be behind you! You sir, are a boorish, uncouth, raggedy.. GAH!"
the end of every sentence had been punctuated by the small index finger of the gnome stabbing the man in the chest with as much force as his little body could muster, and now Egg was frazzled beyond all measure, and he could most likely fry an egg on his forehead he was so angry. He was still muttering to himself as he picked his way back to his seat, taking the proffered rag from another barmaid to clean it and his table area.