Jokes

Post by **Frug** » Wed Apr 05, 2006 7:03 pm

Stolen from somethingawful today.

A good way to get to outer space is to lie about being an astronaut on your résumé or by boarding a space shuttle in a rented astronaut costume just before the launch countdown is initiated.

You can ripen any kind of fruit by putting it in the microwave for 20-30 seconds.

If you cannot afford to take your children to the zoo, drugging them and taking them to a pet store can be just as exciting. If you don't have any children, a wide range of sizes, shapes, colors, and genders are usually available to pick from in nearby parks and playgrounds.

Real goals and aspirations as well as friendship and love can often be substituted by a wholly imaginary façade called the Internet.

The greatest gift in life is not the laughter of a child, bur rather his or her sweet, sweet bone marrow and vital organs. The sooner you realize this the easier things will be come harvest season.

Most car problems go away or are less noticeable when you drive drunk.

When going out for a late night walk it is important to make sure that you have not mistakenly packed a slide whistle in place of your rape whistle. Such a mistake would only make a bad situation even worse.

Jenica Sabiny · Post by **Jenica Sabiny** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:33 am

I thought you HATED something awful...

Or is it just the forums?

Post by **Frug** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 9:56 am

I don't hate them, I'm just reluctant to try their forums. The last thing I need to do is find other assholes to argue with

They have some really intelligent and well educated writers though. Despite being... awful...

Jenica Sabiny · Post by **Jenica Sabiny** » Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:12 pm

The reason I like the forums is because they ARE intelligent people (you're probated or banned for being a dumbass), and they're mostly polite (you're probated or banned for being a jackass too). It's SO refreshing. You're not allowed to use elite, grammar is a requirement, and your posts have to be relevant or you will be probated. You also can't use catch phrases.

Post by **Xyon_of_Calhoun** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:47 am

Can't use catch phrases? Whatever would I do?