Post
by Jenica Sabiny » Wed Mar 05, 2008 4:17 pm
The corpse had finished rotting, the ribcage gleaming a dull gray as the moon's light reflected against it. The bones were picked clean by vermin and scavengers now; if there had been a smell before, it was gone with the decayed flesh. Only a skeleton remained with flecks of dried skin and gristle attached, and these were frail enough to crumble at the touch.
The vampire sat about fifteen feet away with her knees against her chest, arms draped over them and chin resting on arms. Staring at but not seeing the skeleton which had once been a mentor. She'd been here since dusk had settled over the ground, and she did not yet feel the urge to hunt. Instead, she was distracted and distant, focusing on her internal monologue. A fly settled on the motionless creature's cheek, crawled in a disjointed circle before settling on her moist eye to clean its feet. She took a full minute to notice and blink it away.
She was concentrating hard, calling up memories from far before, when the body's heart and lungs still functioned. It hadn't been so long that the memories were completely gone, but it took real effort to call them forth and analyze what was there. And she was not a very good thinker.
The memories she needed were settled about a human mentor she'd had some years ago. He'd been one in a list of many, and she could not recall what he had taught her, but this was not what she cared for. Instead, something he'd said to her - a phrase he'd thrown at her as a critique - something he'd determined to take away from her, something he'd hated about her mindset. Something he'd worked to break.
The memory flashed through, and she shuttered her eyes as the words came back in a sudden lurch. She took a moment to sort through, place everything in its right place. He said this, I said that - and this is how it went:
He struck her across the face, a full-muscled backhand that took her by surprise and sent her sprawling to the floor. He straddled her chest, knees restraining her arms, and pressed a knife to her neck where throat met chin, snarling. His eyes burned with rage; she'd said something wrong.
"Your skill is worthless if you keep thinking like that."
"Like what?"
Speaking made the blade cut into her skin, enough for a small slit of blood to appear, but she knew he wouldn't let her up unless she played through the game.
"What the hell kind of people you think are gonna come to you? You really think you'll be helping anyone?"
"I won't work those jobs."
"You're an idiot and a fool. You chose the wrong path. I should take you back to your family."
He'd discovered quickly that this was the only threat he could make that would make her eyes widen in fear. Neither death nor pain scared the girl, but home represented a hell that he could exploit. The knife slackened as he felt her body tense underneath him, but he didn't bother waiting for her to beg. She never begged.
The scene began to blur, and the vampire closed her eyes and flinched, fighting not to lose it. The next bit was what she was looking for.
"You've got a head full of flowers. If you don't kill the part of you that hopes for something better, you're useless."
Her face slackened as she remembered this. Anything before or after remained lost; she only wanted this one piece, and ignored the rest.
She had blood-bonded again. Three blood bonds in as many years, starting with her sire and ending with an idiot female. In that moment, with the sword crashing through her stomach and pinning her to the road, it had seemed like the only option. Hindsight told her differently now; it called forth the moment, again and again. It mocked her for even considering the idea, called her an idiot over and over. Told her she was a fool. And she understood why.
She'd had no reason to do it. She should've killed the mortal the moment their hands clasped, instead of following through. But she hadn't. And the reason for that lay within the memory.
She focused on the skeleton now, her eyes following the pattern in the bones as each connected to another, and lifted her chin to shake out her arms. She lifted one wrist to the other hand and began scratching, digging her nails in until muscle and blood were bared to the night air. It had been a stupid, idiot, fool thing to do, and she was disgusted now that she understood why she'd done it. She needed to kill whatever part of her still wanted that connection; needed to dig and scrape until it was scratched out and laid bare. But this would take a conscious effort, a real decision that she would need to follow through with.
The question was if she cared enough. The answer was already obvious. She slapped one palm into the ground and began pushing herself up, glaring at the skeleton as she straightened at her own slow pace, languid and fluid. She couldn't possibly care so much as to make the effort; and so the pain would just continue. Pain was constant anyway.
She couldn't help a small tilt in the lips, enough for an almost-smile to play across her features. She stepped forward now and placed one bare foot over the skull, pressing down until the bones ruptured and collapsed under her pads, the sharp edges digging into her rough skin.
Pain, she was used to.
Fountain of blood in the shape of a girl.