Bargains

[Quinn]

Quinn was surprised to find that she actually felt safer walking around with Julen and his sword than in the normal no Julen, no sword state of affairs. It wasn't often you found someone genuinely trustworthy. She was more than eager to find Uluki and get the show on the road as soon as possible.

Quinn cringed slightly when Julen introduced her as Soubrette. She scanned Uluki's face for recognition and was gratified that she didn't get it immediately - although without the aid of wound wax or serious makeup she felt sure that Soubrette and Asra could eventually be figured for the same person. Perhaps not Soubrette and Lewton, though. Probably someone who knew Zanni well would at least realise a strong likeness, as well. She mentally scolded herself for talking about 'Soubrette' in her head - that's meant to be my word for 'me'. I am Soubrette. I have a name now.

Once they had reached Uluki and Rollick's room, Soubrette settled down to listen to Rollick's plan, but quickly became unsettled by what she heard. She took in the details of Uluki and Rollick's schemes even as she struggled in her head with the same nasty creeping feeling she'd had when she was ordered to kill Kira. It was easier to acknowledge that she had a problem with killing him - and killing in general - than it was to explain, even to herself, why.

The man obviously deserved to die. His potential future victims definitely deserved for him to die. Quinn probably wouldn't have batted an eyelash had she simply heard of or even seen his death, knowing what he was, or even not knowing - people died every day. It was actually participating - unknowingly in the case of Kira, or knowingly - that was the problem. Her objection wasn't morals, it was nerve. She hadn't a moral scruple in her body, but neither did she have the guts to kill a man.

No, come on, this was pathetic. She wanted to put her own squeamishness before the lives of the innocent? Well, she wasn't going to do it. Her cowardice was saving Kira, but damned if it would save Panterras as well.

Oh yeah, her psyche said, deeply embarassed that this was an afterthought, and a word about priorities. I mean, you you want to feel guilty or do you want to be dead? Eliminating Panterras would significantly reduce the risk-factor in the operation. I can't believe that was only my second thought.

She was about to voice her agreement when the conversation turned to Kira's safety. She grit her teeth and kept quiet through Dash's magnificent display of moral courage, which she liked to imagine left her as cold as ever.

No, not cold, she thought to herself, with an empty kind of mental giggle, lukewarm.

When Uluki opened the floor for her and Julen to speak, she nodded deeply, determined to get her word in before she chickened out.

"Uluki, Rollick: I'm more than willing to help you... engineer Lord Panterras' death. It's... as you say, by and large the better thing to do." What she personally stood to gain, or rather not be in danger of losing, went unspoken but not, she felt, unnoticed. She realised that Uluki and Rollick had probably taken her compliance as read.

"To be perfectly honest, I would feel much secure in this scheme if Kira didn't have to be present. Not really because Panterras would be likely to attack her; he's old and sick and to be honest if he was capable of anything of the sort, he wouldn't have had to employ me. What I worry is that she would lose composure; somehow give the game away. Also, if the worst comes to the absolute worst and running away is neccessary, I don't fancy going back to carry anyone. If you're willing to do this, Dash, I'll applaud your bravery and say you're a godsend, you really are."

Dash's age didn't factor into it; Quinn had done her first bank job younger than the winged girl appeared to be. The idea of Dash playing stunt double had actually occurred to her, but she'd had no idea how to raise it with Uluki and was very pleased she didn't have to.

[Julen]

Julen had no problem with killing Panterras. He’d killed a number of men by now, and he suspected that at least some of them deserved death less than a monster willing to torture his own daughter. Also, he thought Uluki’s suggestion made sense, although he didn’t envy Rollick’s role in it. Julen couldn’t imagine trying to pretend that he wanted to murder Rosemary -- even thinking about it felt like touching something sacred with dirty fingers.

But he did have reservations about Dash’s involvement. Not that he doubted her courage, which was obviously real and admirable. Nor did he disagree with her assessment that she would be more capable of defending herself if things went wrong. He wasn’t even swayed by the fact that she was someone he had vowed to care for if harm ever befell her parents, although he did feel that responsibility with acute sharpness. No, Julen’s objections were of a more practical nature.

“Will Panterras really be fooled? Kira is his daughter. However much he misused their time together, he must still be intimately familiar with her. And he knows that Dash looks very similar.” This was a tidbit that had come up in Merohl’s description of the meeting between Rollick and Panterras. “The smallest inconsistency might make him suspicious.”

And there was one other matter. “Does Dash...does she know why I’m being included in this?” Julen had told Uluki about his ability to cast illusions, and he assumed that she’d shared the information with Rollick. But he wasn’t sure about the rest of her family. Since Dash herself was a magical creation, Julen doubted that she’d turn him over to the Judges. But it was still one more person who would know his secret. And, as Soubrette’s appearance proved, even a secret known by only a few people could still come back and bite you in the ass.

Ultimately, Julen felt that Dash’s participation was a decision which belonged to Uluki and Rollick. He would accept their judgment. Assuming that the plan would precede, whether Dash played the role of Kira or not, he moved on to considering other aspects. “Other than being able to teleport, does Panterras have any powers we should know about?”

“Also, we’ll need to find a place to do this. If Aorle can spare us for a few hours, perhaps Rollick and I could scout around the business district, locate an abandoned tavern or other building which might serve our purpose.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Dash smiled at what Soubrette said about her being brave and a godsend, and dipped her head shyly in acknowledgment of the compliment. When Julen voiced his concerns about whether Panterras would be able to tell the difference between her and Kira, however, an uncertain look crossed her face, and she glanced at Uluki as though seeking guidance.

“It is a concern,” Uluki agreed. “But I think it will work. Panterras has never seen the two girls together, so he has never been able to do a comparison between them side by side. Dash can practice moving like Kira did before she was healed, and let her hair fall forward to hide her features as much as possible— Kira is shy, so that shouldn’t seem amiss. We can also make sure the lighting is low. Candles or torchlight will soften out the differences in their appearances, and make it hard to get a good look at Dash. The main thing, though, is Soubrette. Panterras will only be suspicious if he has cause to be. If you can reassure him, make him believe that Kira will be there, he’ll be less likely to be looking for an impostor. Do you think you could do that?” Uluki asked Soubrette.

Dash looked confused when Julen asked if she knew why he was included. “Because you’re a warrior?” she suggested, thinking that was surely sufficient reason. “I don’t know anything about your plan except what I accidentally overheard. But my parents can fill me in later. Unless there’s something more you wanted to tell me, of course.” She looked at him questioningly.

Rollick answered Julen’s question about Panterras’s powers, as he knew about them in more detail than Uluki did. “I’m afraid he is a very powerful mage, but do not become discouraged. None of his powers are without weaknesses or potential to be countered, even without equivalent magic of our own. His focus is so broad, that none of his magic is as powerful as it could be if he concentrated on a single discipline. Here is what I know.”

He paused, remembering, then continued. “Panterras is able to teleport, but not entirely at his whim. Any use of this power weakens him, so he will avoid it if he feels he can. He is also not able to bring with him anything of any significant weight… like a person. If he took one of us hostage, even someone light like Dash or Uluki or Soubrette, he would not be able to use that power.”

“Additionally, he is able to cast some combat spells. There are two that are his reliable standbys. One is simply an outpouring of negative energy that causes damage to skin, flesh, and bone. In order to use this power he must be either touching his target— so do not allow him to touch your skin— or throw it as a ball of magical energies and attempt to hit that target, in which case direct skin contact is not needed. This ball of energy is visible, however, and can be dodged, and his aim tends to be approximate rather than exact in the heat of battle. He also has a spell with which, by pointing at someone and directing a stream of magical energy in a slashing motion, he can create wounds like the gash of a blade. Armour or even thick clothing will tend to deflect, or at least minimize, the effect, though either can be pierced if his angle is perfect. If you think he is attempting this, his spell can be dodged just like a blade. It is not visible, but you can follow the motion of his arm and know where the magic is directed.”

“I have also seen him cast some strange and unique curses of the typical wizard variety in combat, but these require intense concentration from him, and a few seconds to prepare before he can cast. If his concentration can be disrupted or you can move out of the way in those few seconds, he cannot harm you in this way. And if it’s any reassurance, he would never deign to use any weapon but magic. Swords are for us lesser people,” Rollick said with an ironic half-smile.

“The only other thing I know he is able to do is to Scry. This power has been disrupted at present, and cannot be used to harm us… though I suspect he has been Scrying on our family for some time, and that is how he came by so much personal information about our daughters and Uluki.”

Uluki remembered Panterras’s very specific description of the scars on her body, and she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling rather violated; Rollick gave her shoulders a sympathetic squeeze.

Rollick was happy to go along with Julen’s suggestion that they scout a location for the ambush. “I’m sure we can be spared for a short time. At least I can; Uluki will have no trouble keeping things running smoothly while I’m gone. And this matter needs to be tended to.”

Uluki nodded her agreement with that. “I think it’s important to get this set up as soon as possible. Meanwhile, perhaps Soubrette can go talk to Panterras, and begin to convince him that our ruse is the truth. I’m sure if you asked around about him, you could find where he’s staying. I doubt he’s left Marn, since to teleport much further would likely prove a lot of effort, and he’ll want to keep an eye on you and Kira anyway. It might be best if you waited as long as possible to tell him the location of the performance, preferably till the very last minute. If he knows beforehand, he will attempt to set traps. It would be to our advantage for us to use the building— wherever it may be— to our advantage, rather than giving him the opportunity to twist it to his.”

[Quinn]

Quinn paid particular attention to the description of Panterras' magical abilities. She wasn't hugely familiar with magic, except the illusions that were sometimes covertly employed on the stage, and, irrational thought it was, it did sort of worry her more than conventional weapons. Weapons at least could be seen. Even if they were hidden, you know that if they weren't hidden you'd be able to see them. And you knew what they'd do to you. If you get hit with a sword, you get cut. You'll bleed. Maybe die. Pretty bad, but at least predictable, at least intuitive. Magic, on the other hand, put a spanner in the works of the contingency plans that were the work of her brain's every other idle minute.

"I'll go and speak with Panterras, then. I - what I'll do is I'll tell him first about the bardic show, and then some time after I can give him the location and the good news that Rollick has come round to his way of thinking. I think if I told him now, it would seem too sudden, particularly after what happened at his house."

Quinn gave Julen a quick glance, aware that he didn't know about that but certain that he'd get the drift.

"Hopefully when I return you'll have found a location. And I'll get to work on those lyrics, Julen."

She glanced round at her co-conspirators, trying to remember the last time she'd planned a con this big. And being herself in front of all these people... it was exciting. She felt exposed - in an exhibitionist sort of way. Soubrette inclined her head slightly at the room in general and gracefully ducked out.

[Julen]

As Rollick described Panterras’s magical powers, Julen stumbled on a new idea. Perhaps, instead of tackling Panterras themselves, they should just report him to the Judges. A couple of battlemages could probably take him down quite efficiently, without risking people Julen cared about. And any punishment the Judges chose to inflict would be no more than what was deserved by such an evil man.

Unfortunately, further examination revealed several problems with that plan. For one thing, rather than imprisoning or executing Panterras, the Judges might decide to recruit him as a battlemage. That would give him even more freedom to continue his experiments on a new victim. And who, exactly, was going to report him? The fairy? The rogue illusionist? The man who was once possessed by an evil god? The girl with wings? When the least suspicious person in the room was an assassin, it was probably better to avoid pestering the City Guard.

So, after Rollick had finished, Julen remained silent, listening to the others voice their thoughts. Soubrette’s glance was met with a nod, to indicate that he did know something of what had happened at Panterras’s house. But it was only when she started to leave that Julen actually spoke.

“Be careful, Soubrette. And...good luck.” It seemed like a strange thing to wish an assassin, but he meant it.

Once Soubrette departed, Julen focused his attention on Dash. Her earlier ignorance about his magical ability had come as a relief. But now she was clearly a part of the plan, so someone needed to tell her. Should he leave it up to Uluki? No, it was his problem -- he ought to be the one who explained it.

“Dash, part of our scheme involves tricking Panterras into believing that Kira has been killed. In order to convince him, we...or, rather, I...will cast an illusion. I can do that, sometimes. When I sing. If the lyrics and music are right.”

There, that wasn’t so bad. No worse than being stripped naked and dragged over broken glass. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about this, not even Zee or Kira. It’s not that I don’t trust you.” That was perfectly true. “But knowing puts people in danger. It means that if they don’t report me, they’re breaking the law. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. I wouldn’t even be telling you, but since you’re going to help us, you clearly need to be prepared.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

Uluki and Rollick also added their well-wishes for Soubrette to those Julen voiced. “Stay safe,” Uluki said quietly, and Rollick cautioned, “Watch your back, and don’t underestimate him.” The spy had slipped out so smoothly and yet abruptly, though, that neither was sure the words had reached the departing woman.

Dash listened without visible reaction as Julen revealed his ability to do magic, her face carefully impassive. She wasn’t surprised, not truly. Though she had never considered that Julen specifically might be a mage-in-hiding, in her experience enough of the population had some form of magic that it was rather hard to believe that not a single person in the whole group at the compound possessed such skills. She already knew Julen’s talents were diverse, since she’d seen him training as a warrior, and also heard a few of his stories of life as a farmer, which proved he was very knowledgeable in that area as well. Magic was merely another facet.

Once he was done with his explanation Dash allowed her expression to shift, and she smiled reassuringly at him. “I won’t tell anyone. I know that’s a dangerous secret, and I’ll keep it for you.”

Now that their planning was complete, the time seemed right for Julen and Rollick to be on their way. Rollick embraced Uluki, resting his hands on the small of her back, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as they exchanged a goodbye kiss, loving but not so long or passionate that it was likely to make Julen uncomfortable. Such things were better saved for another time, and a more private situation.

“Be careful, Rollick,” Uluki urged him gently. “Panterras is still out there, and I want you home in one piece.”

“I’ll be careful, dear one. See you soon,” he said with a smile, and their hands lingered for the briefest of moments before he moved toward the door.

“Goodbye, Julen. Stay safe.” Uluki hoped she didn’t sound obnoxiously like a mother hen.

It seemed Julen and Rollick could indeed be spared for a short time, so the two men set off to complete their task. Not having had much time to talk to Julen in the last couple of days, Rollick began by asking a very basic, general question. He had a more specific, rather important matter he needed to address at some point, whether Julen and Rosemary would be willing to look after Kira as well as Uluki and Rollick’s own children in the event of an untimely loss of both parents, but it seemed better to ease into the conversation rather than beginning on such a sad note. “So Julen, how are things going?”

[Julen]

As Julen and Rollick passed through the compound’s ground floor, Julen let his gaze slide over everything, unwilling to admit what he was really looking for. He saw Martha diligently cleaning up after breakfast. He saw Thetta with a group of the female refugees, demonstrating how to grip a training dagger. He saw Sean and Ian preparing for an imaginary swordfight. “I’ll be Aorle and you can be the demon,” Ian proposed. But his younger brother shook his head. “I was the demon last time! It’s my turn to be Aorle.”

Then, finally, Julen spotted his wife. She was standing off in one corner, speaking with Krarug. Watching them, Julen couldn’t help wondering if they were just making small talk to help Krarug practice, or if Rosemary was actually confiding her concerns. He wondered what Krarug would think about domestic troubles. He wondered if an orc would have any more idea how to fix things than he did.

Experience told Julen that it was too soon for Rosemary to have forgiven him. Well, that wasn’t entirely true -- she’d probably forgiven him minutes after the fight. However, it was too soon for her to admit that she’d forgiven him, and if he went over there now, a frown and a few curt words were the best he could hope for. Still, it felt wrong to leave without even saying goodbye. What if something happened to him while he was out? What if the final words they ever said to each other were said in anger?

No, that was ridiculous. He and Rollick were just going to look at a few abandoned buildings. Nothing would happen to them. He could speak with Rosemary when he got back. Maybe, by then, he would have thought of something sensible to say.

Wistfully, Julen remembered Uluki and Rollick’s tender goodbye, and he reached for the locket that usually hung from around his throat. But the locket was gone. Instead, his caress brushed against the medal Kaydee had given him, and Julen jerked his fingers away as if he’d been burned. Abruptly, he turned his back on Rosemary, and strode outside.

The day was mild, with a slight breeze, and the two men walked for several blocks in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Rollick’s question actually caught Julen slightly off-guard. Julen had a great deal of things he wanted to talk to the elder warrior about, but there was so much of it, and it had gotten so tangled up in his head, that he didn’t quite know where to start. As a result, his initial response was something less than an effective conversation starter. “Oh, things are great. Just great.”

But truthfulness demanded that Julen modify his statement. “Well, maybe not exactly ‘great’. They’re fine. Good enough. I mean, I guess they could be better, but...” Aware that he was perilously close to rambling, Julen jumped to the heart of the matter. “To be honest, things are pretty bad. Rosemary and I had a big fight last night. I don’t even know where she slept afterwards.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Like Julen, Rollick surveyed the compound as they walked, looking to see if anything was amiss and needed to be set right before they could be on their way. He was glad to see that everything was going smoothly, and he smiled and gave a friendly nod to anyone, civilian or warrior, who glanced back at him.

When he saw Thetta training a small group of the refugees to fight, though, Rollick felt as though a bucket of cold water had been poured over him. Training the refugee militia had been his job, and up to that moment he was fully expecting and intending to perform it. Though he had been waiting to get started until the newest group of refugees had settled in, he had been carefully considering which of the civilians he would offer the opportunity to, and weighing which training methods he should use. But it now seemed that had been for nothing.

He knew Uluki and Thetta had discussed training all the women in self-protection so they could reduce their chances of being victimized without recourse, but this small, armed group was clearly something different than what Uluki had anticipated. And it meant that Rollick training a refugee militia was at best redundant, and at worst a source of pointless conflict within the group.

Rollick had been replaced.

It wasn’t that he was jealous, exactly. He’d been looking forward to it, but he understood that sometimes duties had to be reassigned, and if Thetta was the more competent one for the task, it was only right that she should be the one to perform it. No, it was more that in that moment, Rollick wondered if he was of any use to the group at all, and that made him feel empty, like he was hollow inside. Rollick felt like an old horse being put out to pasture, and although he knew he had more years behind him than ahead of him, he wasn’t ready for that yet.

Salt in the wound was that he was being paid a wage he was clearly undeserving of. Was he, in all honesty, being paid because he was Uluki’s husband and Uluki was talented and helpful, and because they had a larger family to support than anyone else did, rather than because he actually had anything of his own to contribute?

He tried to assure himself that it wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t come up with much to refute it. He could help train the Lightswords when Aorle was away. He could help train the refugee militia when Thetta was busy. He could help Uluki organize the civilians in their tasks. But he was honestly unable to think of much in the way of unique contributions he made.

He needed to just accept that he was past his prime, he reminded himself. Thetta was young and strong, and he had seen her in action and knew she was an extremely capable warrior. The job of training a group to defend the compound was too important to be thrown like a bone to make an old man feel useful. It was better this way. But it also made him feel like he had been employed only out of pity… and pity was a hard thing to accept, especially for one who had dedicated his life to service to others.

Though his doubts continued to gnaw at him like a dull ache, he would try to focus on talking to Julen instead. Julen didn’t deserve to be ignored just because Rollick’s mood had abruptly soured.

When Julen initially described his situation as “great” without further elaboration, Rollick nodded and accepted that his conversational gambit had failed. He had never felt he had any great skill at small talk, and he was not shocked that his question hadn’t been sufficient to spark discussion. Still, walking the whole way in reserved silence was a rather bleak prospect, so he was mentally preparing another attempt to start a conversation— probably something to do with the weather— when Julen spoke further, answering Rollick’s initial question with greater openness and in more depth.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Disagreements are difficult, though they are, I think, inevitable in marriage.” Even so, Rollick suspected he and Uluki handled their disagreements differently, since neither was a particularly confrontational personality. Rollick was unsure how much advice derived from his own marriage would apply to Julen’s, so he decided not to give any. “Is the fight what has upset you, or did you fight because you were already upset?” Rollick couldn’t tell if Julen’s assessment of how bad things were was coloured by the recent spat, or if the trouble had already been brewing.

[Julen]

Julen stared at the ground while he considered Rollick’s question. As much as he desperately wanted guidance, he still felt uncomfortable talking about the intimate details of his marriage. Perhaps it was the echo of his father’s voice, telling him that real men didn’t go whining to other people when they had problems -- although, having witnessed his father’s descent into unreachable silence, Julen felt some doubts about the wisdom of that approach. Perhaps it was simply his own pride. Julen knew that there were many, many things he would never be able to do. But he’d always thought that being a good husband lay within his reach.

“I guess Rosemary has been upset for awhile. She’s not really happy here.” Julen glanced over at Rollick with an apologetic expression. “I mean, she likes you, and Uluki, and Aorle and everyone. She manages to keep busy, to do her share. But this isn’t her home. This isn’t the life she expected to have when she married me. And what I do now...I think it still scares her, no matter how brave she tries to be.”

“You’re right that disagreements happen in all marriages. Rosemary and I have had some memorable ones. Back on the farm, I always knew how to make everything better. I’d give her some time to cool off, before bringing her an apple or a bunch of wildflowers, and she’d call me a foolish man, and then we’d have really good...”

Julen coughed into his curled hand. He was being open, but there were still some details Rollick would probably prefer left vague. “Now, everything is different. I can’t seem to get it right. Like last night. I got one of the beds we looted from Snyde, so I decided to surprise her with it. I snuck it into our room, and decorated it with some ribbons, and lit a few candles. Nothing fancy, but I thought she’d be pleased. And she was. Until I told her I didn’t think she should leave the compound while Snyde was still at large, and she got really upset. She said that I obviously don’t trust her. But that’s not it at all.”

“Rosemary is a strong, independent woman, and I love her for it. She makes me feel more alive than anyone I’ve ever met. She makes me feel like I’ve got a wildcat poised to defend me against any enemy. I don’t want to tame her.” Julen kicked a rock, and watched it rattle down the sidewalk. “Unfortunately, a fierce heart won’t protect her from Snyde.”

Again, Julen glanced over at Rollick. “You know what it is to have a wife you love. You know how much Rosemary means to me. But I’ve seen what Snyde can do.” Julen remembered seeing Kaydee, chained to the wall, violated and beaten. And an involuntary shudder wracked his body. “I’d rather have Rosemary leave me than let her fall into his hands.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Ribbons and candles. Hmm. Nice idea. Rollick mentally filed that away for use sometime in the future. He wouldn’t win any originality points, but Uluki would probably still enjoy the gesture.

Rollick was somewhat taken aback to realize that he and Uluki had indirectly been the cause of Julen and Rosemary’s fight. After all, Julen’s request that she not leave the compound had come on the very day she had come along on the fabric-shopping trip. It was unlikely the timing was purely coincidental. He and Uluki had never intended to put Rosemary in danger. Rollick was dismayed to learn Julen felt they had.

“I don’t know how to advise you,” Rollick admitted when Julen had finished speaking. Admitting that was like a defeat. The one thing age was supposed to grant was wisdom. It seemed like even that had somehow passed him by. “I can see the difficult position you are both in, but I am not sure how to suggest resolving it. I think that given time, both of you will adjust to your new situation. In the meantime, though…”

Rollick stared at a scuff on the toe of his boot as he paused for a moment, considering, but even after that moment had passed, he felt no closer to the answer.

“It is indeed a dilemma. I do, as you say, know what it’s like to love a woman, deeply and completely. I know what it’s like to worry, to fear for her safety. The night Uluki went into the shanty town, even though the warriors were with her, I couldn’t help worrying that… well, I’m sure we can both imagine the worst-case-scenarios.”

He sighed, absently twisting his wedding band in slow circles around his finger. “Not only then. Uluki has been in danger many times since I’ve met her, and every time, my heart seems to stop until she’s home safely. So I do know the feeling.”

“But I also know what it’s like to have a wife who at times must follow her own path. Uluki’s calling is of great importance, and it is not my place to bind her, even to keep her safe. The healer must go where healing is needed. Even though losing her… would be the death of me, to put it in the mildest possible terms.”

Rollick shrugged, annoyed by the inadequacy of his own words, and his inability to offer Julen any guidance that could remotely be construed as helpful. “As concerns your marriage, and Rosemary, I do not know what to suggest. I understand the struggle, and I am not sure how it ought to be resolved. I know the worry you face, and it is a worry I too feel. I have not yet found all the answers, even as concerns my own marriage.” He smiled, trying to convey that Julen at least had his support, if nothing else.

“Your training as a warrior goes well, though, I see?” Rollick wasn’t sure whether Julen would consider that a positive or a negative at this point.

[Julen]

When Julen described what had triggered last night’s fight with Rosemary, he thought he saw guilt flicker across Rollick’s face. And, guessing the cause, he hastened to correct his friend’s misperception. “No, I’m glad that you took Rosemary fabric shopping. It was nice of you to include her, and she obviously enjoyed herself, or she wouldn’t have reacted so badly to my suggestion. If you’d asked me before you went, I would have told her to go.”

“It’s just that, after you got back, I talked with Callie. She...said some rather graphic things about what Snyde would do to the loved ones of his enemies, if they ever fell into his hands. I guess I got scared. I guess maybe I overreacted.”

Julen spotted a building which looked like it might serve their purpose, and he paused to examine it. But closer inspection revealed that the structure had been abandoned for too long. The glass panes in most of the windows were broken, allowing access to vermin and birds that had built their nests in its rafters. Also, as far as Julen could tell, some of the wood looked quite rotten. There were already enough risky parts to their plan, without adding the chance of someone falling through the floor. Julen glanced at Rollick, who seemed to be thinking much the same thing, and the two men continued their search.

“You’re right about Uluki. And even though Rosemary doesn’t have a calling as clear or as powerful as being a healer, I still need to let her find her path. She’s done as much for me. So I owe it to her.” In his heart, Julen knew that stifling Rosemary would just lead to another sort of death for her, perhaps even slower and more painful than anything Snyde could devise.

When Rollick smiled at him, Julen matched it with a smile of his own. “I wasn’t really expecting a simple fix,” he assured. “But it’s good to talk to someone who understands. Aorle is a very wise man, with a lot of good advice about many things, but I don’t think he knows what it’s like to have a wife. He’s married to his cause. And Sigvard just keeps trying to get me to go drinking with him.” Julen rolled his eyes.

“As for my training, yes, it’s progressing very well indeed.” Julen’s smile turned into a grin, and he exhibited a sense of confidence that was absent when he spoke about his wife. “I think I fought quite competently during our raids against Snyde. And it felt good to help those poor women. I’m a bit nervous about returning to Shim, to drive off the mercenaries, but I’m also a little excited. The archery you’ve been helping me with should come in really handy for that.”

“Speaking of training, did you see Thetta with those refugees?” Julen’s tone was light -- clearly, he didn’t expect this to be a sore spot. “Knowing her, she’ll turn them into her own little army, and march them against City Guard until the guard agrees to add more women to their ranks.”

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Rollick nodded his understanding as Julen explained the reasons behind his concern for Rosemary, and why that concern had come up when it did. He decided that when they returned to the base he would ask Callie to repeat for him what she had told Julen about Snyde, but he didn’t want to force Julen to consider the gruesome possibilities again, so he didn’t press the matter with the other warrior. Instead, he took comfort in the fact Julen had found his words useful, or at least supportive.

Rollick was pleased to hear Julen’s voice take on a more confident note as the subject changed, and nodded in agreement when the younger man talked about how his training was going. “I heard you did admirably when you fought in the shanty town. The other warriors spoke highly of you. I am sure you will earn such praise again in Shim. Your archery has come along well, and you will likely find it is useful, as you say.”

When Julen brought up Thetta’s work, however, Rollick’s face fell a little. He forced himself to laugh at Julen’s witticism, but the laughter came just a beat too late to seem genuine. “I’m sorry. I know that Thetta will do an excellent job. She is more than competent. A very skilled warrior. It’s just that…”

They had reached another abandoned building, this one a little more promising. The windows were boarded, the glass having been removed, and the paint was almost weathered off the wooden slats that lined the exterior, but it appeared to be fairly structurally sound, at least as far as Rollick could tell without having seen the interior. The boarded windows seemed to have kept the building relatively protected, since there was no glass to be broken. The lock had long since rusted through and no longer held, but the hinges had grown stiff with disuse and the door did not move easily. Rollick put his shoulder against the frame and wrenched it open.

Being occupied with the door meant Rollick didn’t have to look directly at Julen, and that made his words flow a little more freely. “...It’s just that the job of training the refugee militia was initially one I was to do, and seeing it placed in someone else’s hands does not exactly speak well of my own competence. I do not begrudge it, nor do I question the decision. Thetta is clearly more suited. And yet…”

Rollick sighed and dusted off his hands, making eye contact with the younger warrior again. “It isn’t an easy thing, getting old. I suppose it isn’t easy for anyone, but especially not for people like us, whose livelihoods depend on strength and speed. Sometimes I feel that I am of little use, compared to the rest of you.”

He realized how maudlin that sounded, and he hastened to add. “But it is a small matter, and should not be of great concern to anyone. Shall we go check the condition of the building’s interior?”

[Julen]

Julen hadn’t really considered growing old, other than hoping that he lived long enough to do it. Now, listening to Rollick, he pondered the fate of an aging warrior. And his reaction was somewhat different than his friend’s. Despite his fierce loyalty to Aorle, and despite his firm belief in the importance of Aorle’s cause, Julen couldn’t keep from feeling a little wistful when thought about being able to say that he’d done enough. When he could step aside and let younger men take over, when he could settle down on a nice farm somewhere and play games with his grandchildren. But that was how he felt now, at the beginning of things. After another twenty years, when the ways of a warrior were as much a part of his body as flesh and blood, when coaxing life from the earth was just a distant memory, maybe he would feel differently about retirement.

And besides, no one -- be they a warrior or a farmer -- liked feeling useless.

“I’m not so sure that Thetta is more suited to training the militia,” Julen admitted. He hoped that Rollick would be able to tell he was speaking honestly, rather than just trying to make his friend feel better. “There’s more to protecting the compound than simply having a bunch of people practicing self-defense. I learned that when the deserters attacked. People need to understand different strategies, and they need to work together as a unit. Thetta is a formidable warrior. But I don’t think planning ahead is her strong point.”

“Also, her teaching methods tend to be a bit...abrasive. That may work well for some people.” Julen thought of Sasha, who clearly needed to be handled with firmness. “But others may find it very intimidating. Especially if they’re accustomed to being harshly punished for their mistakes.”

Rollick’s question about entering the building brought Julen’s mind back to their mission. Nodding, he followed after the elder warrior. It seemed that the structure had once housed a church of some sort, for several wooden pews remained behind, although they were now overturned and covered with a layer of dust. But they could be put right. And the pulpit would serve as a natural stage. Carefully, Julen tested the floor, and as the wood groaned beneath his feet, like a ghostly voice protesting their presence, he felt compelled to keep talking. “It may be that Aorle intends to have you work alongside Thetta, to temper her fire with your wisdom. To balance her weaknesses with your strengths. As for your general usefulness, my improved skill with a bow stands as a testament to it. All the Lightswords have benefited from being trained by you. If the lessons we’ve learned allow us to fight better, then you’ve saved our lives as surely as if you were on the battlefield with us.”

Despite an occasional creak, the floor seemed sound, and Julen began to walk across it with more confidence as he surveyed the layout. It was hard to say if the room had always been this plain, or if looters had stripped away its ornamentation. But the starkness of the surroundings reminded Julen of the church his father had chosen for them, back in Shim. Harsh words from harsh sermons echoed in Julen’s ears. Words spoken by an angry god, who couldn't wait to punish people for their sins. To punish them for their fear, and their weakness, and the moment when they kissed someone who wasn’t their wife...

“Rollick? You’ve been married to Uluki for ten years.” By now, Julen had reached the pulpit, and he stood beside it, with his back to Rollick. Not having to see the expression on Rollick’s face made the question easier to ask. “During that time, have you ever felt strongly about another woman?"

[Lylessa Uluki]

((NPC Post))

Rollick was surprised to find that Julen’s words actually brought comfort, and his feeling of hollowness receded somewhat. He hadn’t expected that would happen; after his own words had slipped past his lips, he’d assumed that Julen would respond with generic platitudes, and that would make him feel worse, like he’d been appeased and mollified. However, the specific examples Julen gave made Rollick realize he actually had made contributions. That he had been helpful. And that, truly, was the best thing Julen could have said. That was exactly what Rollick needed to hear.

“I do not wish to interfere with Thetta’s work, or to push her to accept my opinions. However, if she seeks my advice, or if Aorle still desires my input, I will be happy to provide it.”

Rollick glanced around the room, taking in the state of disrepair, and he tried to imagine the building as it might once have been, filled with light and music. Or perhaps it had always been this austere. It was hard to tell, hard to predict what people would find spiritually fulfilling. Perhaps the worshipers had seen the building differently, and its sparse décor had made them feel contemplative rather than bleak. Rollick couldn’t help wondering why the building lay empty. What led people to abandon a church? Had their faith wavered, or had they been driven off, or had the congregation simply aged and faded away, without a new generation to come and take their place? Curious as he was, Rollick would likely never know the answer to that question.

He could, however, answer Julen’s, though he was a little unsure how to do so. “Certainly I have had emotions about women,” he said carefully, trying not to assume too much at the outset. “I greatly esteem Mercedes, someone we know from our old home, as a friend. I respect Thetta as a colleague. I find Rosemary quite pleasant. I love my daughters. I care very much for Kira and Kaydee. And so on. But that is not, I think, what you are asking. By ‘feelings,’ I assume you mean specifically whether I have desired another woman.”

“I will not claim that being married has blinded me to attractive women, or made me unable to appreciate feminine beauty in any but my wife. Nor would Uluki expect it to have done so. I am still a man, and she is still a woman. But I cannot say that I have had the serious desire to break my vows.”

“For one thing, I know what that would do to Uluki. I’m not sure how much she has told you about her past, but her loving and trusting nature has often led people to take advantage of her kindness. Few people have been faithful to her. The first man she ever loved was… was utterly untrue to her, and enjoyed flaunting that fact at every possible opportunity.” Rollick’s jaw set in anger at the unworthy lover who had treated her so badly. “My sweet Uluki was in so much pain, and so afraid her heart would be broken again. It took a great deal of time, not to mention effort on both our parts, for her to realize that I wasn’t leaving. That she could trust me. If my actions made it so she could not rely on me, I think it would become difficult for her to trust again. To trust anyone again. The thought of how it would break her is more than enough to kill temptation. She deserves a faithful husband.”

“I also did not marry young. I was past forty when I met Uluki, and I was ready to settle down. I longed for stability and commitment, after a life filled with uncertainties. I would rather be faithful. I would rather keep my vows.”

Rollick wasn’t sure if that would make sense to Julen. It sounded so rational, so deliberate, but it hadn’t felt that way at all. Uluki and Rollick had clung to one another like drowning people, knowing that remaining together was their only hope of riding out the storm.

“Uluki and I have been through hell together, and that is a history no other could match or compete with. I have been to the very edge of existence— in between, closer to death than to life— and come back, and it has distilled my desires. It has made clear to me what I want. To be with her. For me to long for another woman would be to desire for things to change, and I do not wish that. I am very happy with my life as it is.”

Rollick fell silent, a silence he hoped indicated openness. If Julen wished to discuss the matter further, or to explain the specifics of the situation that had led to the question, Rollick was happy to listen. If, however, Julen preferred to change the subject, Rollick did not feel it was his place to push for more information about a matter so personal.

[Julen]

As Rollick explained his relationship with Uluki, Julen felt truly grateful for his friend’s willingness to speak so openly and honestly about very private matters. Julen had never really discussed marriage with anyone, not even his own parents. And now that it was too late, now that they were gone, he deeply regretted his lost opportunity. What had induced such dissimilar people to join their lives together? Had they loved each other from the beginning, or was it something that had developed over time? What trials had they faced? So many questions that he would probably never know the answers to. So many lessons that he could have learned, now lost forever.

But at least he could still benefit from Rollick’s wisdom and experience.

“No, Uluki never mentioned anyone she was involved with before you. It’s shameful that someone could exploit her kind nature by treating her so badly.” Julen felt a flash of anger towards Uluki’s previous lover, coupled with a strong urge to slap the bastard. “Unfortunately, Rosemary also knows something about the unkindness of men. Many of her suitors -- even her own father -- only valued her for her looks.”

Julen shook his head, still unable to believe that people could be so blind. “Part of her has come to doubt that she possesses anything else of value. If I strayed...” Gods! It felt like a betrayal to even say it. “If I strayed, she would take it as a confirmation of her fears. I’d hate to hurt her like that. Every pain I see in her eyes, I feel a hundred times more strongly. But to say that I couldn’t hurt her like that...that’s something I no longer feel so certain about. In a moment of weakness, in a moment of selfishness, I’m not sure what I might do.”

Rollick’s comment about the trials he’d shared with Uluki struck a particular chord in Julen’s heart. “I, too, have teetered on the edge of existence. After Snyde...after what he did to me, I passed through the darkness, and glimpsed what lies on the other side.” Again, Julen recalled standing outside the miraculous garden. He was glad that Uluki had saved his life. Yet, every time he saw that place, he felt something in his chest that was too sweet to be pain, and too painful to be sweetness. Living men were not built strong enough to contain memories of heaven. “But the woman who shared that with me wasn’t my wife.”

“I haven’t even told Rosemary how badly I got hurt. She’s scared enough as it is, she doesn’t need to know how close her husband came to dying. But Kaydee knows. Kaydee was there with me, she experienced what I did. And now, when I’m around her, I don’t have to act like nothing happened. We can talk about it. It’s a bond between us.”

Julen glanced at the floor, tracing a pattern in the dust with the toe of his boot. “Kaydee has been through so much suffering. I want to help her, to heal her, to give her whatever it takes to make her smile. And maybe some stupid, shallow part of my ego is attracted to the idea of being with someone who thinks of me as their hero. I try to behave sensibly, but it all gets tangled up in my head, until I’m not sure what I feel anymore.”

“Last night, after the fight with Rosemary, I had a dream. A bad one.” Knowing that Rollick also suffered from nightmares made Julen feel more comfortable admitting to his own grisly visions. “I went to the garden, to try to shake it off. Kaydee was there. She gave me the medal she’d made for me.” Julen ran his fingers along the colored ribbon, and part of him wanted to grab it hard and twist, to throttle himself as punishment for what had happened next. “Then, she kissed me.”

“I shouldn’t have felt anything. I should have ended it, gently but firmly, and told her why we couldn’t do things like that. Instead, I kissed back. When we broke apart, it was clear what she wanted, and I...I wanted it too. I wanted it so much that it scared me. So I ran inside and hid in my room. I haven’t seen Kaydee since. I have no idea what I’m going to say when I do see her again.”

Closing his eyes, Julen braced himself. He knew that Rollick had assumed a rather fatherly role in Kaydee’s life. And he knew that most fathers would be inclined to strike men who had just made a similar confession about their daughters. Certainly, Julen felt that someone probably should hit him. So he stood there, waiting, while flecks of dust danced in the dim light like tiny grey angels.