Little Grammar Nitpicks That Make You Want To Kill

[Jenica Sabiny]

These are just what the title says: nitpicks. None of these are particularly serious or uncommon, but dammit they make me insane. INSANE.

I don't mean to insult anyone with these. They're mostly for my own amusement and not directed at anyone in particular. In fact these are spawned by a book I own featuring some of the absolute worst editing ever (except the first one). If I think of anything further I'll add them to the list. Feel free to add your own.

Definitely, people. DefinItely. Definitely.

Toward. You do not move towards. Toward! Toward toward toward! Also forward.

For God's sake use apostrophes. They exist for a reason - to make your writing legible.

Occasionally. One "s." I'm guilty of this one too.
-----------------------^ Period goes inside of the quotes.

I can never spell guarantee right on the first try. I accept this. You accept it too and use spellcheck!!!

[Lylessa Uluki]

It's/Its.

It's is a contraction of it is. You drop a letter and a space, and replace it with an apostrophe. It is a snowy day in Newfoundland, so it's a snowy day in Newfoundland.

Its is the possessive form. Yes, it doesn't look like a possessive because it has no apostrophe, but it is. Trust me. The leopard cannot change its spots.

Not sure why, but that one really kills me.

[Julen]

I screw up the period being inside the quotes thing all the time.

Effect/Affect. “Effect” is the noun. You can have an effect on the outcome. “Affect,” on the other hand, is the verb. You can affect the outcome. See the difference? (I try to remember that movies have special effects, not special affects, to help me with this one.) In all honesty, I think the language is moving to a point where these will just be used interchangeably, or we'll lose “affect” altogether.

Back in the day, when I read a lot of fanfic, my favorite grammatical errors were people using words that they'd heard but never actually seen spelled. I was reading one story where the author kept going on about some skeletons and their great "wheelpower." I was totally envisioning some cool new type of undead that was part motorcycle or something! Then I realized she meant "willpower." Another writer tried to set the mood for her story by describing the "fowl darkness." Night of the living chickens!

[Devon]

Ok, ok ok. I know I'm probably the worst person to be commenting on somthing like this. I type fast, and I fat finger my keyboard. I'm also from the south, so I pretty much have my own language. So, here it goes, here's what I hate...

"okokok, aight dawg i aint da bestest pursin that be comentting on dis here stuff, man, i be typin so fast and fat fingerin dat board, yo listen up, i be from the dirty souf so i gotz my own words, word? yo dawg so here it be, dis be wut i be hatin on..."

(CLEARLY, the world has regressed back into the dark ages. Use spaces people, capitalize what needs to be, and broaden your vocabulary. Also, my biggest nitpick is about run-on sentences. (Thank you so much Frug, for pointing mine out.) On a different note, ebonics is not a language, I refuse to accept it. I am not your dog, my name is not yo, and I shouldn't need a dictionary for idiots to know what you are trying to tell me.)

But hey, that just bez me, aight?

[Jenica Sabiny]

I learned affect/effect by being taught to remember that affect is an action: a-a. Effect would then have to be the noun. Simple but effective!

These are a couple that I know I get wrong but still make me want to cry:

Then/than. Then is time. Than is comparison. It feels awkward to write "than" when the sentence often even sounds better with "then" but dammit it's wrong! WRONG!

Lie/lay. I wont even lie here: I don't know wtf to do with these two. Please, someone smarter help me. I think I was once upon a time taught that an objects lays (laying a lei on a person's neck) and a person lies. Is this correct? Or would you lie a lei? I just don't get it

[Lylessa Uluki]

Lie/lay. I wont even lie here: I don't know wtf to do with these two.

Often it's a present versus past tense issue. Either a person or an object will lie in the present, but shift to lay in the past.

Today the book lies on the table. Tomorrow the book will lie on the table. Yesterday the book lay on the table. The book has lain on the table many times before.

The only place things get a little sticky is the future.

In the future, I will lay the book on the table for you. In the future, the book will lie on the table.

The difference is that in the first sentence the book is being acted upon (it is being laid there actively,) whereas in the second sentence it is not (it is lying there passively.)

For people, it isn't much different.

Today Uluki lies in Rollick's arms. Tomorrow Uluki will lie in Rollick's arms. Yesterday Uluki lay in Rollick's arms. Uluki has lain in Rollick's arms many times before.

In the future, it would be the same in terms of grammar, but you aren't going to actively lay someone somewhere very often (unless you're using it as a slang term for sex-- but assume with me for a moment you are not.)

Uluki will lay the baby in his cradle. The baby will lie in the cradle.

There are occasional exceptions where you can lay something the present (again, aside from sex.) You can lay bricks, or a foundation, or eggs, etc. The vast majority of the time, though, someone using "lay" in the present tense is doing so incorrectly and is really searching for "lie."

Uluki is laying bricks. Uluki is lying in bed.

Falcon, you crack me up. Wheelpower! Priceless!

[Win Sabre]

Thank you for posting this thread, its very helpful and affective.

(just kidding...)

[Jenica Sabiny]

Hardy har!!!

They're: they are
Their: Plural possessive pronoun
There: Location

OMG GET THESE RIGHT PLEASE K THKS

Also:

Right: Correct. Also Direction.
Write: If anyone on this board doesn't know what this word means, you are so banned.

I can't believe that people still get those two wrong. Fan fiction is the worst offender of any of these rules by leaps and bounds; it's horrible to read through an engaging story written by a terrible author. Painful.

[Devon]

What scares me about this whole topic, is that after I talk to Jenica, she comes up with new ones for this list.....Interesting...

[Jenica Sabiny]

You're the reason in my life, you're my inspiration...

[Devon]

pfft, its all about you, remember?
I mean

Pfft. It's all about you, remember?

[Jenica Sabiny]

If only you would use apostrophes, I might love you!

[Devon]

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''s'

[Jenica Sabiny]

Alright alright, back to the topic at hand.

Did you know "alright" isn't really a word? That's right. But nobody cares anymore. All right, you will not be missed, you anti-slang thing you.

[Devon]

no i like slang, love slang, ebonics....not slang...annoying talk.