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Kel Dregor

Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:12 pm
by Anonymous
Kel Dregor
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Name: Kel Dregor
Age: 23
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Height: 5’ 9''
Weight: 148lb (no gear), 186lb (gear)
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Black
Skin color: Tan


Moods: Usually very calm, listens sharply, observes everything he suspects right away, confident, doesn’t like to be bothered, fast reflexes against aggressive/suspected/stranger type of people, Mostly never kills, either honorably lets them go or causes them to stop

Usually Carries Weapon in public, and is ready for any hostile activity that might occur.

Look: Slim, Moderately Muscular, He trained on Farms when he was 9, and he was all worked up when his parents died, he had many jobs then such as a blacksmith, and a temporary militia. During his stay in The Black Market’s Prison he train on the bars each day, teaching him self stability and strength, agility and stamina. He was now ready to take on any normal peasant.

Armor: Leather Shirt, Gloves, Bands, Boots, Cape, 3 Belts for items (thief) Small Armor to put on Shit, Eye Patch (usually for Training), Hood.
Weapons: Sword of Grefan, Katara/Glove of Jeman, 17 Daggers (specially crafted by The Black Market of Drey).

Class: Thief/Wandering Bandit
Passive Specialties: Dodging, Sneaking, Quiet Movement, Crawling, Climbing (walls, Cliffs, buildings etc….)

Special Techniques:
Throwing Knives: This ability was mastered by Kel when the Black Market
trained him. It was originally known as a game in Hazh Golan, but later when the Royal court decided it was too dangerous and most te Npc guards got attracted to it, they banned it. It was from now on Illegal to play / train in Hazh Golan. The Black Market not only played the game but had several training rooms to practice this and improve your hand coordination. Kel’s Stamina isn’t wasted by throwing these daggers so he can practically do them until he runs out.

Roll and Slice: This technique had no special name but it was better known as "Roll n' Dice" or, that’s what the Black Market Said. It was a weapon technique that included rolling in such a way that you will practically dodge any sort of offence from your enemy. To the disadvantage of that it can only be used in certain terrain. The terrain was the only problem with this technique it, rolling in such a swift way needed flat cement or wood.
The technique is used mostly when on the defensive side against one to five enemies. You quickly roll after leaping with your shoulder on the ground, the main objective is to land close, behind, in front , or to the sides of your target. After you roll without the time to look you quickly grab your sharp weapon and stab them in either of the pressure points on the neck, middle chest, head, and near the spine, This is a one chance move, either you hit or not "n' dice" and if you failed there were counters that Kel had not learned yet.
Kel isn’t able to do Roll and Slice more than twice per battle. This quickly makes him tired and doing so scars his back.

Fury Charge: This technique was used only by the Black Markets in Thar Shaddin and was known as the Fury Charge. It was found by Drey himself after failing an attempt to kill a guard in battle. Only used for circumstances that meant "you do this or your dead." This weakened you greatly in your ability to defend but increased your speed and strength to attack. It was more like a Last chance move and wasn't meant to be used in the middle of a battle. The Fury Charge is a attack when you run at your opponent straight, telling them "I fear no one" and with your blade, katana, or dagger stabbing them in the head. Causing them to die right away.
Kel may only use this skill once per week. He needs to calm down after one. It makes his blood rush and it may disable him from certain things if he uses this skill more than once per week.

Kamosta Style: The Kamosta Style is known as a Demons Walk. Originating from a long history it was said that a when a Demon walked he had perfect balance causing him to remain standing, and not tripping if moving to quickly, (eventually let him soar and glide around). Later it would give him the ability to fly, that’s what the Black Market wanted.

Kamosta Attack: Is better known as the "Demons breath" It was special to any other technique a simple warrior would learn. This skill required adept balance and stability that only Dreys Black Market had. It was more of a whirlwind on a foot. Increasing your Balance and endangering any enemy it allowed you to get space and a number of kills. It was done by jumping into the air, and twisting your body to get balance when you land. Later while twisting you would originally take out your arms with either two, or one weapons in your hands. This would allow you to retreat, and or kill the ranged.
Kel’s Kamosta style is beautiful and all balanced out, but does drain energy quickly. His muscles become soar, and he goes into a state which interferes with natural feelings, in other words it confuses him and makes him not able to think straight after words.

Master Dreys skill: The "demon transformation" this is what Drey's Black Market in Hazh Golan was famous for. It was made by the elders of Drey's Black Market during a war 28 years before Kel's Birth. When The Elders were learning about The Kamosta Style, They thought about a demon, a powerful being with perfect Balance. Then they had an idea, if a demon may have wings to fly why cant Drey. Why can’t a human do the same? They hired warlocks, several cults as well which taught these transformations. One cult was the Cult of Shavana a cult specialized in dark beings and transformations. They casted a aura on Drey, more like a spell. It gave him two sharp Spikes made of a material stronger than bone, thinner that coal. They were simply spikes though. So Drey told them to leave, and had them executed by Shavana's Leader later on. Drey was worried about his spikes. He then ordered some of the finest Black Market bandits to cut them off... This Pain gave him power; it made him take all his foul thoughts about what he was doing inside his head. Drey was not pleased... He finally ordered a stop to all researches about the Demons. When the War came Shavanas Cult was against Dreys Black Market for some political reason. Shavana's Leader knew Drey had one fear, getting his spikes back, knowing that Shavana's Leader met up with him before the battle, they said they meant him no harm and they just wanted to give him a blessing. He accepted knowing that he would probably win either way. The leader then did the sacred ritual once again growing spikes on Drey's Back. Drey angered as he was had such a fury in him that day the he screamed in pain, he clenched his knuckles so hard they started dripping blood. His eyes turned Green and his Spikes Spread out turning into wings.
This skill was intense and needed a lot of focus but Drey taught it to everyone of his students able to complete his tasks. Kel was amused by this and had done it only once. Each one of Dreys students were taught a ritual to create the spikes. I took nearly Half a year to learn and perfect, but Kel managed to do it. It took nearly 10 minutes to cast but it was worth it. It gave the Ability to glide when falling, and block most ranged attacks from the enemy. These wings were the perfection of the Kamosta form and the end of the Black Markets superior training.
This skill may only be used once per month by anyone, the spikes that come from the spine need to heal after the come out of the skin. If the skin is punctured more than once by these too quickly the back may suffer great wounds leading to permanent damage.

Money: Only what he Steals, about 60 Bishani

Strength: Kel is a strong proud Bandit, he isn’t afraid to show off to others even though he rarely does encounter combat. He usually is ok with fighting as long as it wont disturb the Courts, or the guard. He is afraid to be found. Kel usually is confident in his abilities which gives him pride. He never backs away knowing that he either dies with honor, against any opponent or he dies knowing that he will eventually fall.
He never fears death though, he knows that if he does fall that’s because his opponent is capable of succeeding him, and he does not deserve to fight such a battle and be forgiven.

Weaknesses: Even though Kel Hits hard, he might be able to dodge and his fast reflexes aid him, Kel is very weak in the amount of pain he can take. Not only can he not take pain he also runs into it. The Black Markets way to success is to fight until death. All the Kamosta techniques and the styles of the Black Market are based on a one chance scale. You need to have Great Pride like Kel to succeed in using one of them. Kel is weak mentally and did not go to school. He has tried learning in his spare time, but that was not enough to learn his vocabulary, and punctuation correctly. He is mostly a man of war, and it is rare seeing him if at all you do reading a book or writing on a piece of parchment.




History: Kel Dregor was born in the city of Hazh Golan, a city on the outskirts of Shim and mostly made of a group of districts bunched up. Kel wasn’t very rich but his family lived a simple life, his Father was a farmer in the lands of Shim were the payment was low and the work was hard, working day and night to buy food Kel’s father tried to do all he can for Kel. Sadly all his life he was the only child. He never went to school because of his parent’s income.
Sadly he was forced to work at the age of 9, and he was already working on full day jobs on the farms in Shim. What his parents didn’t tell him was that they had spotted the black market trading at the corner of one of Shim’s farms. His parents died by the Court’s orders when he was 14, That night he realized something wasn’t right about the courts decision and that they have excused many peasants for simply disobeying the law of aggressive activity against another peasant, his father only did it because of a local farmers threat. He did not understand why they were sentenced to death. They left Kel all their possessions, money, and wealth, and equipment. At the age of 18 he was wandering the streets looking for a new job as a craftsman. Even though he was not yet ready for such a job at his age he knew there was no other chance for survival.
While walking on the Main street he was captured by a Black Market a illegal crew of bandits that assassinate, steal, and use their skills to disobey the royal courts order. Later when Kel was questioned about his life, he told them his story, about his parents, they listened closely and sounded surprised. After about a month in captivity he was ordered to see the High Master Drey. Two of Drey’s guards held Kel’s cloth shirt tightly and dragged him to Master Drey. High Master Drey looked at Kel with his Dark black eyes, and asked
High Master Drey: “So, Kel of the Dregor family, At last I meet you young one.”
Kel: “Ah, yes *cough* Errmm... I’ve been waiting a while to meet you…”
Kel knew he had no chance to live even if he joined, Although this was only because his mind was cursed from The wet cold floors of The Black Market’s Jail, he lost all hope their and lost all his will to live.
Drey later explained what Kel must do to become a member of The Black Market. Kel simply accepted with no pride in him self, and no courage to disagree. The Tasks were simple and Kel succeeded in them quickly.
He was now known as a bandit of the Dreys Black Market.

They taught him many things, Styles of form, Death touches, basic and complex fighting Techniques which he mastered in. One was a spell; it transformed him into a Demon. , , , , grew wings on him which later vanished into the thin air as a black dust. Rather then fly the wings gave him balance and gave him the ability to soar over close ground. They later showed him the form of Kamosta, a very silent yet deadly form of Attack; it was balanced in Speed and balance so it wouldn’t let friction stop him. He learned a technique called The Kamosta Fury, it was a magic of great. He learned Demon, just like the rest of the bandits of Drey’s Black Market. It gave him Power, more stability, and increased speed for a period of time. The Kamosta’s way of the Demon which improved his ability to jump and slide, it was the perfection of his ability to balance and hold position.

He was in the Market for 4 years, until he heard a conversation from High Master Drey to one of the Markets main Thieves. It stated that Drey’s Market was the reason that Kel’s parents died. Apparently they forced the Court to kill Kel’s parents because of their knowledge; they knew about the markets location and were they bred all their equipment and books on the ways of Komosta. Knowing this Kel feared his end of the Black market. He Knew that he was the only they now needed to kill. He pledged for this Market for Years!
He could not believe what was in the past. Why didn’t they kill him before? Why was he accepted in the Market it self. Kel figured these questions for certain would not be answered from this day on. He finally ran away taking the Sword of Grefan, one of High Master Dreys most priced possessions, 17 Daggers specially forged by the Black Market, Armor of the Kamosta, and a Katara of Jeman (a sharp Blade Crafted into a glove) Made by Drey himself in his battles against Hazh Golan. He swore from that day on to stay hidden. High Master Drey sent scouts looking all over Hazh Golan for him and his sword of Grefan. Kel Stayed in Inns and Villages at Shim to survive, and lived as a thief.
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Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 4:30 am
by Frug
I do not understand where you got your stats from or why you put them in. There are a number of changes that need to be made to this profile. You do not describe powers in enough detail and you also include several things that are unuseable here.

Special Techniques: Throwing Knives, roll and slice, fury charge, flip in air and slice, Kamosta Attack (whirl wind With black fire), and The Spell of Ferdo (Turning into Demon)
I'm tempted to say that it reads like a video game character. You can't just turn into a demon without saying what that means. Do you spit fire and fly or something?
Strength: Good Against melee/ranged opponents, Can take many arrows at arms/chest.
Really? He can take arrows in his arms and chest? That's remarkable. How is this accomplished? Doesn't his chest contain important things like organs that he needs to live? Does he not need his arms either?
Weakness’: Weak against Mages/Spell using Casters, Weak against melee if hit.
Meaning what exactly?
Resistance:
Poison: 85%
Fire: 30%
Water: 42%
Earth: 12%
Spiritual: 39%
Magical: 46%
In The Astral Plane: 42%
Karma: on Civilian Npc’s (Non Player Characters) 100+ is King Wise, 100- is Ruthless Killer **, Hit Karma is 12-.
+ is known and not attacked by guards, - is Wanted and attacked by and Npc guards.
So he can swim 42% better too then I guess, what with the water doing less damage to him than normal people. And if I throw a rock at his head it will do 12% less damage because it's earth stuff, and it will do even less damage because it's ranged? But if I pray for him, it will be exactly 39% less effective so he might not pull through his cancer therapy.

Does he start blinking red when he attacks enough civilians? You know, just so everyone else knows that he's a ruthless killer.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 12:22 pm
by Anonymous
Sorry, This is my second time Forum Rping and it wasnt this complex but since i love this history and all i picked this site. I wrote my Character description and all before i found a forum to put it on, thats because after i quit my old forums this was left. I wasnt positivly sure what to put in and what to take out, so i needed you answer before i can edit my description.

And by resist I also wasnt positive if you guys had that, What i mean by it is if anyone throws a rock at my head Im in shape so i will either get knocked out which is a probability of 88% or he will dodge/avoid it 12%.
Same with water if someone, or some adept at this game is in battle with me for a forum if he shoots some water for some reason (lets assume he has water elemental ball etc..) will that knock me down and will I die or will that simply make me laugh and not move me an inch?

Ill try to fix it... and i didnt excpect for this to be good right away haha.. so.. its fine with me if you have several problems.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:26 pm
by Anonymous
There i fixed most of the skill problems counting strengths and weakness' and added detailed info about them. I didnt know if you wanted me to remove the resistance part or not..

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:32 pm
by Jenica Sabiny
Keep in mind that resistance numbers mean nothing here, absolutely nothing. It's better to remove those altogether. If you want to explain his resistances, you must explain them without numbers, only pretty words.

All powers must be detailed and outlined. By that, I mean we have to know *exactly* what the ability means. This is the same with weaknesses. Your character must have limitations listed, too, and what exactly they mean. For instance, if he can cast a spell, how long and what does the preparation require? How many times a day/week? Etc. etc. Depending on how complex the physical ability, this is the same theory.

Keep in mind that as a new character, your character will be the weakest one walking around. Not because he's a weak character, but because you're a new player, and new players can't have strong powers until they're not new anymore. Please make sure to tailor his abilities and history to this fact.

You can separate items from abilities. For example, "throwing knives" belongs under items, unless it's a spell/name of a complex ability you need to outline. Otherwise we will assume your character has the knives because he knows how to use them.

Your history needs paragraphs. It's hard to read right now.

What/where is Hazh Golan? You don't need to write up a full history, but we need to know where he came from and what is its relationship to an isolated place like Thar.

Sorry Frugalufugus wasn't the most PC. We're starting to lose it with people listing stats. This is meant out of curiosity, not meanness: did you read any other profiles before you posted yours?

Fake Edit: Arg! You sly little poster, posting while I'm typing this. I'll check out the new profile, or have Frug/Kam do so and be nice about it.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:34 pm
by Anonymous
Oh alright may i instead of decreasing his powers make them have a long cooldown?

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:35 pm
by Jenica Sabiny
Honestly I'll have to let Fruggles/Kam handle that decision. I'm terrible when it comes to critiquing powers because I think they're *all* too strong, heh.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:37 pm
by Anonymous
Oh. Thats alright i just need to know what to decrease because my history basically states it all, and i usually dont get into fighting so if i can remove all my skills but like two or so will that help by adding them later?
And how do i fix my time? its like 8:42 a.m. and it says its 12.45 pm..

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:43 pm
by Jenica Sabiny
I would suggest that you work on cleaning up your writing right now. Load it into Word and grammar check that baby. And be careful about your language. For example:

"To the disadvantage of that it can only be used in certain terrain which was flat." (under Roll and Slice)

Should just be: "However, this can only be used on flat terrain."

I would offer to go through the whole thing, but I'm very lazy and would prefer to see what you come up with yourself first. Have at it!

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:45 pm
by Anonymous
Fine ill be back a bit later, thanks for your time and ill try to make everything the best i can, this is just a bit different from the other forums i've been on and it was a bit simpler haha..

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:49 pm
by Jenica Sabiny
I understand that it's kinda hard to jump from some places to here, where we have obnoxiously high standards. Just work on it. And keep in mind that the effort we're making you put into this profile will also have to be put into your posts. We also monitor the RP writing.

Commas commas commas. They are your little squiggly friend.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:19 pm
by Anonymous
Ok, i think ive added and deleted all that i was asked to correct? And I added a picture of my guy to let you know so, chech it out!

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:58 pm
by Frug
Your first mistake was not reading through all of the character creation rules before joining a new forum. There are 5 points listed under Choosing Powers in character creation, and you didn't read them carefully. You broke point number 2, and I'm going to have to enforce 3 and 4 because your character is too powerful.

Second mistake was not reading through other character profiles. Nobody has listed any passive abilities, class, "nature magic" (see Choosing Powers rule number 2), or numbers of any kind relating to stats.

Your character cannot have a resistance to water magic, fire, earth, etc. because these things make no sense at all unless he has some physical reason for it, like he is made out of fire or has skin made out of stone. If someone hits him with a blast of water somehow, he will go flying just like everybody else. I want to make this very clear. There is no difference between melee damage and range damage. There is no damage. If he is hit by an arrow it will stick into him, hurt a lot and he will bleed a lot. If it sticks into his chest he will spend a long time going "oh my god there's an arrow in my chest, I hope I don't die"

I know that you took the stats out but I am still afraid you don't know what you're getting into here. This is a writers forum. We do not do a lot of combat, and when we do combat we let our own characters get hit. You will not make any friends here by winning fights, you will only make people not want to play with you because it's lame and boring for them.

The character looks a lot better than the initial application, but it's still too powerful and there are still changes that would need to be made to make it playable. If you're still interested, you are going to have to proof read it and fix the errors, because there are many.

It's also not my intention to be mean. I'm just being firm with you, because once you begin playing you will find out the hard way.

Posted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:19 pm
by Kamar Deythal
I'm going to have to agree with Frug on this.

My biggest problem, being an English minor, is punctuation, grammar and spelling. Your history is hard to read because you have run-on sentences. Contrary to what Jenica said, although the comma is our friend, he can also become an enemy when used too often. I have an overuse problem of the comma, and have to consciously remind myself not to use it too often.

I'll let Frug deal with the powers, etc. since he has already begun with that. I just wanted to get you to clean up the history, because that is what we look at to learn how good of a writer you are. If it's messy and hard to read in the history in your character application, then it will likely be the same in your posts. We don't want to have to use a translator to figure out what your character is doing.

That's my two cents. I thought I'd slip my English anal-isms in there.

Good luck, mate.