Thar Shaddin

Name: Albert Nem'iemurnepins

Age: 99

Race: Dwarf

Height: 3'3"

Weight: 115 lb.

Physical Description: Albert Nem'iemurnepins is short, thin and almost sickly looking. Copper hair flows freely from under an ornate leather, wide brimmed hat. His eyes twinkle with a hint of deeper intellect than one would assume of an average dwarf. A long, thick beard grows past his belt. Iron beads, small charms and even a few small animal skulls are woven into the bush of facial hair. Albert always has a smile of bright white teeth gleaming out from under his beard.

Possessions:
Ornate leather hat
Nem'iemurnepinus Stein

Powers or Strengths:
Trader - Big Al has spent his entire life haggling. He knows how to swindle, as well as when he is being swindled.

Magical Comfort - Albert is much more accepting and comfortable with magic than most dwarves. Being around his father's store and a wide variety of magical items has given him a more open understanding and tolerance of magic more than most dwarves.

Alcohol Tolerance - Albert does not get drunk easily.

Optimistic - Even though everything Albert had known is different, Albert still has a positive outlook on life and a hope for a better tomorrow.


Weaknesses:
Spoiled - Albert has often had everything in life handed to him, and as such is not accustomed to struggling, or having to work for what he desires. Because of this, he seems to complain, and require aid often.

Frail - Albert is very malnourished, and thin. This causes him to become injured more easily, and also put him in a more vulnerable mindset.

Lonely - Albert has no friends or family left in this time, and as such can become somewhat clingy to newer people he may see as "friends", even if these friends see him as annoying or needy.

History:
Albert Nem'iemurnepins was born to a wealthy family in Keltaris. He spent his childhood traveling the trade markets and stores with his father, who was a successful and established merchant of magical trinkets. He learned much from watching his father do business with the myriad of people who lived or traveled through Keltaris, including how to take advantage of the less intelligent, whether it be an unfair sale, or blatant lie. When he was not about town or tending his father's store, he was often in the care of midwives or servants.

Life passed easily for Albert, finding a beautiful dwarf woman who he was engaged to marry, and adding his name alongside his father's on the family business. Albert led a carefree life of drinking and trading of magically imbued items alongside his father, growing into a cutthroat tradesman himself. He cared not for the worries and problems outside of his family estate, the store, and the mead supply. On his forty-ninth birthday, his father bestowed to him a gift. A ring he had bought from the bazaar. A simple gold band, engraved with the Nem'iemurnepin's crest. "Oh father, it's magnificent!" Albert exclaimed. "And, even though it's a year early..." His father grinned as all the guests in the room held their breath in anticipation, knowing the gift that was about to be handed down. Albert had to force himself to remain seated. His father removed an old stone mug from under his tunic. Rough, worn glyphs and ancient writing were carved along the rim and handle of the cup. "The Stein of Nem'iemurnepinus Nem'iemurnepin! "Oh father, I am indeed blessed to have such a glorious life!" Albert banged the mug hard on the table, instantly cold fresh mead appeared in the vessel. Albert quickly drank it down before banging the stein again. "Ahhh, it has never tasted so sweet." Albert spent the rest of his birthday celebrating with his fiancee, family and host of close friends. Life had never been so wonderful.

Albert awoke slowly the next morning. His whole body was stiff, and sore. He coughed violently, the air stinging his lungs. He opened his eyes but could see nothing. He reached out for his lover, but instantly touched a stone wall. He tried to stand, and banged his head on another stone wall. Panic set in, as Albert realized he was in a tomb! "What in the-... What did I do last night?" He could feel the ring his father had given him on his finger. "This is a terrible idea of a drunken prank."Albert pushed as hard as he could on the lid of the coffin. His body felt weak, and powerless. Another hard shove and the stone slab rumbled a few inches. A beam of light cut through the darkness of his tomb. He heaved again, and the slab teetered then fell with a crash to the floor. He surveyed his surroundings. He was in a crypt. The old Nem'iemurnepins crypt. Albert spun around. A large statue of himself stood before him, bravely standing tall in the dark, musty grave. At it's feet read, "Albert Nem'iemurnepin, Beloved Son and Fiancee, 221-172" Albert almost had to stop from laughing. "They sure did put a lot of effort into this." He brushed the dirt off his pants, and turned to the door of the crypt. "Nem'iemurnepin Nipenrumei'men" he stated clearly, and the thick granite door slid open with ease. Something caught his eye though. Just beyond the statue of himself, he saw another stone carving. A large bust of his father. He ran quickly to the grave. "May Your Soul Find Peace, Burdgle Nem'iemurnepin, 334-139". Albert bit his lip, holding tears back. "This isn't funny anymore." He stated as he rose quickly. He left the cemetery and headed towards his family estate. He neared the large iron gates outside of his family home. Chains, and overgrown ivy wrapped the gate. The large mansion beyond was dark, void of life and the happiness it exuded what seemed like just hours ago. He clambered over the fence, and sprinted to the main entrance. Boards barricaded the house, plastered over with warnings of eviction and danger. Albert ripped the boards down with all his might, squeezing into the house as quickly as he could.

The main hall was barren. Dust, scattered trash and a startled bat are all that remained. Albert fell to his knees, words for once unable to form in his mind. He spent the first hour or two sobbing amidst the ruins of his home. Soon he became enraged. Wandering his old house, searching for anyone, anything to give him an answer. Screaming, he smashed walls and windows, before succumbing to tears again. Eventually he found himself in his father's study, digging through left behind boxes, and papers. Trade logs, business agreements. Amidst the useless boxes and files, Albert noticed a small chest. One he could vividly recall playing with in his childhood. He quickly opened the lockbox. The Stein of Nem'iemurnepinus Nem'iemurnepin lay gently on a silk pillow, exactly the same as he had seen it the night before. "At least I have you Nem'iemurnepinus..." He smashed the cup onto the desk, smiling slightly as it magically filled with mead. He drank the liquid in one quick gulp, slamming the mug down again. Before long, Albert was wearing his father's old leather tradesman's hat, dancing around the ballroom with a coat hanger and singing dwarven lullabies. Albert soon fell into a drunken slumber amongst the remains of his old bedroom.

The next morning Albert awoke in a haze. He jumped to his feet quickly however, first hoping he was not inside a tomb again, and secondly that his life was restored to normal. He was disappointed by the latter. The mansion was still rank with stale air, and covered in a layer of dust. Albert's mood dampened slightly as he collected what he figured would be helpful or valuable to him. The old leather hat. It still smelled of his father. Nem'iemurnepinus, the family heirloom could not be parted with either. Albert scavanged for a while longer but came up with nothing but some old clothes that had been left for the rats. Albert frowned in disgust, "Ugh, they smell like piss!" He dropped them into a sack, trying to touch them as little as possible. His footsteps echoed through the main hall as he made his way to the front doors, slipping through the hole he had created for himself. Placing the boards back as he found them, Albert left the grounds of his old family estate in hopes of finding answers in this new, unfamiliar world.

Oy oy!

Powers:

Magical Aptitude - Albert has a stronger grasp on magic than most dwarves.

Please expand on this. What exactly does he know? Is he capable of doing magic himself?

Weaknesses:

Odd

Please expand on how his 'not entirely sane' would show up. What quirks does he have? Is it a purely social thing, or are there other things he does while alone? Is it the way he speaks? The way he acts? The way he views the world?


Thoughts:

I would like to see something related to his values, either in strengths or weaknesses, that has to do with the time lapse. Does he adapt easily to change or does the changed world constantly make him shake his head in frustration? Is he taken with the social changes that have happened in his absence, or do they make him uncomfortable?

Also a strength or a weakness relating to how he's handling the whole everyone-else-being-dead bit. We talked about it a bit in chat; it would work best as a strength, perhaps relating to his adaptability.

And lastly, don't just cut out on his grieving altogether, unless you're fast forwarding a bit. You can have the grief not turning into depression, but imo it is important to his character development for it to be there, and for it to affect him in some way. Hell, depending on his system of beliefs, he may even feel sad but celebrate the life of those who passed before him, treating it as an important memory. Or whatever. It's a big shift in how the world works for him, and exploring the ways in which he copes is, imo, integral to the character.

History:

Albert began smashing the top of the coffin with all his might. He felt so weak. His usually powerful, solid build seemed to have withered away. Eventually, the casket began to crack, and a ton of dirt came crashing down onto Albert. It was not hard for him to dig his way free, the light blinding his eyes as he breached the surface. He surveyed his surroundings.

I'd maybe have the ring help him out or something -- people don't just smash out of caskets and all the compacted dirt sitting on it. Especially not if they're physically frail.

Also don't forget that the years are going backwards. You have his father's death date at 117PW, which hasn't happened yet.

If you have any questions, ask in this thread, a pm, or in chat. If you make changes to the app and are ready for it to be looked at again, please leave a reply in this thread.

I would like to see something related to his values, either in strengths or weaknesses, that has to do with the time lapse. Does he adapt easily to change or does the changed world constantly make him shake his head in frustration? Is he taken with the social changes that have happened in his absence, or do they make him uncomfortable?

Also a strength or a weakness relating to how he's handling the whole everyone-else-being-dead bit. We talked about it a bit in chat; it would work best as a strength, perhaps relating to his adaptability.

And lastly, don't just cut out on his grieving altogether, unless you're fast forwarding a bit. You can have the grief not turning into depression, but imo it is important to his character development for it to be there, and for it to affect him in some way. Hell, depending on his system of beliefs, he may even feel sad but celebrate the life of those who passed before him, treating it as an important memory. Or whatever. It's a big shift in how the world works for him, and exploring the ways in which he copes is, imo, integral to the character.

Please add these. For the lattermost paragraph, I meant it in a sense of how it affects him in the present, not just when he found out what happened. Grief usually occurs in stages, and over time. Different people react differently, yes, but the reaction should be there.

What you added to the 'Untrusting' weakness is a good start, but it does not fulfill what I asked you to do.

Before I get started I want to apologize for not reviewing this application on Friday like I said I would. That was terrible of me (the getting drunk so did not help), so please forgive me.

Alrighty, so Jason pmed me some of what he discussed with you in chat, and I agree that there is perhaps some communication barriers going on. So I'm going to try to explain in my very longwinded way about what I'm asking for and why. Hopefully that will help.


Character applications are, for Thar, the main way in which you have to advertise your character. The first application can be a bit of a hump for some people. Why?

1. No one has seen your writing in action.

The application serves as a means to ensure that your writing matches a loose minimum. It also serves as a means for others to see what you're about. The detail and cohesion of your application usually translates to what you're willing to put into your rp. Therefore, if your history doesn't make a lot of sense, your strengths/weaknesses are poorly thought out and don't jive well, or your character reads like a two-dimensional cutout, you're going to see two results: you will have a harder time during the application process, and people are not going to be so eager to write with you.

The thing about Thar is that most people here have a love of fantasy/sci-fi, a love of writing, and a strong desire to do quality writing. Quality, in this case, means to try to be as realistic as possible both in the sense of building a believable and evocative character, and making sense in the context of the setting, while enriching both the setting and the experience of other players.

That's all in the subconscious, as far as I know, of everyone who winds up sticking around. (fuck you all of you who are immediately going to play devil's advocate. Fuck off!)

2. Three important Cs: Comprehension, communication and cooperation.

It's just not going to work if we can't figure those three things out. Period. We've got people from a ton of different places. We have people who learned English as a second or third language. We have some very intelligent folks here, and some derpy individuals like myself. But at the end of the day, if we're going to do anything, we all have to try our best to communicate in a way that doesn't leave us wanting to claw each other's eyeballs out. We have to figure out how to cooperate in a way that does not compromise our individual artistic visions, all the while not compromising the setting or our fellow writers' own artistic visions. That involves writing (both in the rp and outside of it) in a way that is comprehensible.

Sometimes we don't succeed. Sometimes we get huffy with each other. But at the end of the day we all continue to keep trying to both understand and be understood because that is the only damn way this thing is going to work. I italicized that last part because it's fucking important.

How this relates to you is that you evidentally feel like you are not getting your point across. Myself and Jason both feel like we're not getting our points across. In chat, you sometimes come across as holier-than-thou, an exemplary erudite scholar who can not be bothered with the lesser fiction-obsessed creatures he has come across. I am betting that is not your intention. I am betting that perhaps we're coming across in a less-than-ideal manner to you. All I can say is calm your tits and relax. We're not trying to judge you, but it becomes very difficult to remain that way when it seems that you're not interested in fitting into the setting, but rather trying to get the site to accommodate you. And I say that with the intention to try to help you integrate into Thar -- or to help you decide whether or not Thar is the place you want to rp at. The decision, in the end, is yours.

But we're going to have to fucking learn to cooperate and communicate, because otherwise it ain't gonna work.

How this relates to your character

In most cases, simplicity equals ease of approval. The main sticking point in your app is that you're having this dude sleep for years, wake up in his own grave, see his father's grave, his estate is in ruins (I decided to ignore why it never got sold off and who owns it now for your sake, btw), and he has no idea what happened to his wife and child: aaaaaaand you're content to just say that he had a few hours worth of breakdown, and is happy go lucky without giving any symptoms or whatnot.

Here, we care kinda a lot about consequences and things making sense. People who decide to go with mental illness or big upheavals like you've done -- well, to be blunt, we like to make sure that you know how to handle that and aren't just going to have it sticking out in your application like a sore thumb, there but never played out. When I look at your app, what I see isn't 'this is how I understand my character and what he is going through now,' it's 'omg why aren't they approving my app yet.'

If it's a matter of you don't trust the other writers on the site not to powergame or take ooc info into ic territory, then you probably won't do well here. People who do that shit? They do not last long. Why? Because we don't tolerate it.

So what I would like to do, if you're still interested in rping on this site after all this hooplah, is to get a better feel for what you want out of the character, in what ways you think you've achieved what I and Katona have asked you to do, and any points you feel you are not understanding in what we are asking you to do. I hope this has in some way cleared up why things are going the way they're going. Feel free to reply here or in a pm.