Thar Shaddin

Player Name: Warden Wood

Name: Benedict Wood (AKA Warden)

Age: 21

Race: Human/Werewolf

Height: 6'3

Weight: 247

Physical Description: Tall, muscular, slightly tan, dark brown hair, greyish blue eyes with gold ring around the pupil. Including that he has a foot and a half long scar vertically across his chest. An old war wound he had received when from a thrown war axe, luckily his armor stopped it from penetrating even more. When traveling and in battle he wears his steel plated armor with his full helmet. Other times he wears his black cloak with his hood up.

Possessions: His hand crafted sword named “Wolf’s Bane” he had made when learning the trade of blacksmithing. He knew it would come in handy when traveling and he also carries a moon medallion with a tree in the center the only thing he can remember is that it was his coat of arms from his family.

Powers or Strengths: Stealth is not his most skilled strength, but he is trained enough to the point where he does not sound like a weighed down horse. As for hand-to-hand it was one of the first things he learned long before ever holding a sword and he knows his way around anyone’s body. Sword handling this is something he learned before crafting “Wolf’s Bane” with all he knows he can handle any foe that comes his way. Blacksmithing this was the second skill he had ever learned and from a good family friend, something Benedict found to be useful out in the field while traveling and he knows the basics so he can tend to the simplest weapons. Persuasion this was something that came naturally when he was nothing, but a small boy. His silver-tongue made it easy to fool enemies yet at the same time helps him get good deals in the markets.

The Bow now this he merely knows the basics to the point where he can hunt down his next meal. The Pistol his skill with this fine piece of weaponry is sharpened more than him with a bow, he taught himself to be accurate enough to where it helps him save an extra life in the battlefield. Free running now this, this was something he was born to do from what people say. He can scale, run, and jump any building or tree with finesse because it made him feel free to the vast open world. The only power he has is blood rage during a full moon and all that happens are his senses, instincts, speed, and strength are doubled making him a hunter/killer to be feared.

Weaknesses: Anger is a simple weakness even amongst the most hardened warriors; sometimes it is too much where he just ignores people and charges right into the action. That risks lives that follow him into battle. Pure Silver is a common thing amongst werewolves and since pure silver in weapons is rare he has little to worry except for jewelry and such alike, the touch burns his flesh. Women now this is his greatest downfall because he respects them and would take risks to save even one, which is not the best trait when it comes to many other lives at risk. Accurate shooters slow his mobility when free running because they either force him to hide in cover or make him lose footing and fall to a painful bottom.

Magic these are simple for many and no matter how much he has studied it he still has trouble finding his way to counter attack even the simplest spells. Blood Rage may be a power, but very rare occasions it can be his downfall since he becomes so overwhelmed with energy and the lust for blood that he may harm even those dear to him.

History: When Benedict was first born he was already a shifter thanks to the bloodline. Most of his family had been pure shifters except when they first received such a “gift” his father called it. When he was a boy he lived a simple life since his family was middle classed. Although the richer children always picked fights with him that is when Benedict began learning hand-to-hand and enhancing that skill, yet some days children would come at him and he would flee by free running. All because of his natural know how of the city he lived in he was able to quickly make an escape. Although his life was just beginning he would soon be pushed into the dark reality of the world. One day when he came home his mother immediately snatched him up and hid under a table with him.

He could hear shouting in the other room and then saw his father burst through the door with a group of hunters close behind slashing at his heels and back with their swords. They weren’t regular hunters either these men wore pieces of armor and had weapons of silver. He only knew this because whenever they struck his father he cried in agony as his flesh burned around the wounds. Then his father shifted into his werewolf form and fought back killing a few before they overpowered him with their numbers. Once they had him on his knees they silenced him with a shot to the head seeing that his mother shrieked in horror at the sight. The hunters came over dragging her from under the table while Benedict slid back staying out of sight. Although before they murdered her as well they did horrible things that would scar Benedict’s memories forever.

Once they had finished their dastardly deeds Benedict’s rage grew and overcame his fear. He knew who these men were and would remember it. When he reached his teens he trained with his uncle who was a grand master in blacksmithing, only he died after teaching Benedict only the basics. That was all he needed though when he forged his first, unique sword he named “Wolf’s Bane”. Then with a black cloak he went on his own hunt for his family’s murderers. It took him five years to hunt them all down and slaughter them in time learning more unique skills and enhancing them as time went on. What he did when he wasn’t hunting the murderers though is that he enlisted in armies and militia’s joining in small battle’s and other times large wars.

With his skills sharper than a razor and his mind common to war, death, and the fight for good he knew what he had to do and wanted to do. He had to go out there and change the world and return purity to his family name. Although because of his reputation the people he destroyed want his head so to remain hidden he chose a name many would come to know, love, honor, and his foes even fear. His name as a mercenary would be “Warden”

Details as requested!

Please try to write in complete sentences. While using incomplete sentences can be useful to set off a point or to draw attention, we do ask that at least the basic rules of writing are followed.
Please double space after possessions so Powers and Strengths is easily seen.

We ask that all strengths and weaknesses are explained and have some detail to them. How good is he with stealth? What do you mean by stealth? What kind of hand-to-hand combat? How skilled is he with it? We ask new players have characters who aren't too powerful, as we want to see the characters grow stronger through rp (this is further covered in the links below). What do you mean by sword handling and heavy armor? Does he make heavy armor? Does he sell swords? Does he wear heavy armor? How persuasive is he? How skilled is he? At the age of 21 that would mean a significant portion of his young life would have been dedicated to training to be proficient or even average in more than one skill. What do you mean by free running? What does blood rage mean?

Right now he has a lot of fighting ability for a new player. I would like you to take a few of his skills/powers out, or tone them down to a beginner level. Part of it is that he is a werewolf; usually they have a significantly higher strength than normal humans. Thar isn't a combat site, so don't worry about needing to build in fighting ability to protect your character from other players.

Weaknesses:

How is anger a weakness? What does pure silver do to him? What do silver alloys do to him? How are women a weakness? Why are accurate shooters a weakness when guns aren't very common in the setting? Why is magic, specifically, a weakness? What other weaknesses does he have in regards to personality or fighting ability?

While I'm trying not to be as nitpicky about personality as I have been, there is still almost no qualities to him that would give even a basic idea of what he's like. Even if you only think of three words that would describe his personality, try to incorporate them in somewhere -- history might be good. Speaking of the history, we'll need a bit more than that. What was his early life like? Who trained him? Why did he become a mercenary? What caused his anger issues? Why does he want his name to represent all these good things when he has an anger problem? Why is he so anti-social? Was he born a shifter, or did he get bitten? Try to broaden the history to give a better idea of where he came from. It doesn't need to be huge, but we do need a better idea of where he came from.

For further details please read The New Character Guide and the rules, at the very least Character Creation.

If you have any questions or make any changes please leave a reply, send a pm, or let a moderator know in chat. Thanks!

Oyo,

You've still got a number of incomplete sentences, especially in physical description and possessions. Here you're missing a main subject and some other parts of the sentence, for example: [He is] tall, muscular, slightly tan [with] dark brown hair, [and] greyish blue eyes with [a] gold ring around [each] pupil. Etc.

Additionally there are a lot of wonky sentences throughout the app. As I said in chat, a few here or there isn't a big deal but you have a good number of them.


Please list out the strengths, as it makes it much easier to read (yeah yeah, I'm getting old yadda yadda). Part of the character creation rules is that we ask new players to start off small with their first character, with few powers. Part of that is martial prowess. Thar Shaddin is not a fighting site. A lot of places will have all sorts of powers floating around, and so many new players feel that they are starting off small by their characters only being able to kill people with swords rather than the fifth level of purple unicorn ass magic. However, due to our site being so low when it comes to combat, we ask to start even smaller.

Generally a character who is a studied amateur is fine, but being able to take out anyone who comes his way is too powerful.

How exactly does he do blacksmithing out in the field? Not usually a very mobile profession.

As for weaknesses -- these still feel a bit incomplete. He's not likely to run into pure silver very often, unless in Marn and even then he has about as much to fear as any other person should he behave badly.

Anger is a weakness but doubles as a strength; the Hulk gets angry in a similar way, but generally it helps as much as it hinders. Besides which, berserkers. It's one of those weaknesses that isn't terribly weak.

Women: while there are some damsels in distress in the world of pal tahrenor, I'm not really sure how strong of a weakness this is. Respecting women and being willing to help one out isn't necessarily a hindrance unless he runs into them very frequently. Does he spend a lot of his time doing pro-bono work for destitute women? Volunteer in a battered women's shelter of some kind?

Accurate shooters: a bit of a non-weakness. Everyone has the same issues when it comes to gunmen or archers.

With the above in mind, I would like you to rethink your strengths and weaknesses. Come up with some that interact well together and speak to who he is and where he comes from. For example, if he was raised to be subservient to women and feels as if he has to obey orders from women, or beds women so frequently that he has contracted STDs, or cannot hold a job or make money because he is constantly helping strange women out -- that's more of an interesting weakness that speaks to who he is and why he'd be better off without it.

Right now I feel as if the history has a total disconnect with the rest of the app with the exception of a few things. I would suggest maybe starting a bit simpler. Rework the character, think about what in his history shaped his strengths and weaknesses, and how. Think about giving him some sort of trainer -- someone who has never trained in the martial arts is pretty much always going to lose to someone who has trained.

If you have any comments/questions/whatever or make changes -- same spiel as before. You know where to find me!