Thar Shaddin

Player Name: AnnieIsOkay
Name: Blaze (Real name: Makenna Afton)
Age: 18
Race: Human with some dragonish abilities
Height: 5.9'
Weight: 126 pounds/ 57.15 Kg


Physical Description:
Blaze is tallish, slightly above average, but not enough to look freaky. Her skin is naturally pale, though now it's a shade darker from sun exposure, it's smooth to the touch except on a few scars on her arms. If she had a good diet, she'd probably be less slim, and more curvy, but she doesn't, so she just has toned limbs and decent enough curves.
Her attire is usually pants and a loose white shirt. She has a cloak with her too for those cold winter nights.
She has long wavy wild red hair that she's unable to get into a ponytail. Her golden gaze gives her a feral appearance, but appearances deceive, don't they?



Possessions: She doesn't believe in stuffing her pockets with money or valuable stuff. The only constant are her faithful daggers that she earned in a fight.

Powers or Strengths:
*Fire Manipulation:
-Small fireballs she normally uses to cause distractions or have some fun. These can only be aimed from a short distance.
-Conjuring it out of nowhere is limited specifically to her hands, that's why when she gets too angry, they start to warm up, and her body temperature rises a bit.
-Taking it form another source. This comes in handy when she doesn't have time for waiting until her hands are warm enough.
-Fire Resistant.

*Minor healing abilites: Things like superficial cuts and scrapes; a flu, or a headache, she is your girl. She can only heal through touch though.

*Knowledge about poisons. She knows about a handful of them.

*Fighting skills:
-Very skillful with her daggers, that's what works for her.
-Speed and agility. These too are a must if all you have is your daggers.

*Talkative and, though she doesn't make friends inmediately, she's social enough.

Weaknesses:
*Too impulsive, doesn't know when to shut up, which gets her in trouble often.^
*She fears her own power, afraid of losing herself to it.
*Not very physically strong
*Quick to anger, and loses all rational thought when that happens.
*She feels drained when healing because it's like she's using her own energy to fix someone else. She can't heal herself.
*The girl is claustrophobic.
*While being around fire makes her feel strong, using it continuously makes her tired.
*She's terrifed of castles, or too big houses. She feels like they all mean death if you go inside.
-*he doesn't know how to use a bow, and isn't very good with a sword. She'd be dead if it someday it came down to that.
*Snow and cold in general weaken her if exposed to it for a long period of time. They give her headaches and her muscles get sore.

History:

Blaze was born in a little house in the city of Marn, surrounded by all the necessary things. Her family was formed by her parents and her two older twin siblings, Jake and Claire. Her father was a blacksmith who rarely was at home, but when he was, he would always tell his children stories or play with them. Claire was always the serious one, Jake joked around a lot; both of them making Blaze a person who can be very random, and unpredictable.

One of her father's favorite stories was the one about her great grandmother from her mother's side. He told them that she was in her late teens and she came across a dragon who had been poisoned with magic. Grandma knew exactly which spell to pronounce in order to free him from this, so they made a deal. She would help him, on the condition her blood would be even more magical. This particular dragon, being a tricky one, accepted and took off flying.

"...Did great grandma get her powers?" Blaze would ask curiously.
"No, she didn't."

This magic that was supposed to be for Gradma, was transfered to someone else who had her blood,being this someone, Blaze. And so that's how the dragon kept his part of the deal.

Her siblings and her went to the local elementary school and she learned to read and write properly. She had many friends but they always got in a lot of troubles because of her. They played climbing trees and playing tag. She never turned down a challenge, feeling like she had to show everybody she could be more than just one more citizen. She wanted to be more, just like her great grandma had.

She spent her time like that, playing and stirring troubles wherever she went. Her brother, Jake, taught her how to fight, in case she needed it someday. Just defensive moves she the offensive meant having more strenght, something she lacked. They practiced at least three times a week, and she became good enough at it.

At age of 12 was when she discovered she had magic. A kid at school was making fun of her and her family for being from a family with magic, a few other joined him and soon, it was some major bullying scene. Nobody noticed she was not scared, sad or embarrased; she was angry. The air around her suddenly felt colder, as if she had just stepped into a Zhaltev in winter; but her hands warm, and the heat just kept increasing. Candles nearby lit on their own and when the flames grew higher than normal the kids started to freak out and ran away. Because of this for fear of what could happen to her, Blaze's parents took her to Shim in secret to live with an aunt.

She moved there, but missed her family terribly. Her aunt was not mean to her, she was actually a nice middle-aged woman with an infinite patience; but it wasn't the same. Blaze grew up and learned many things about hard work and perseverance from her aunt. Saorise, her aunt, had a garden where she kept many unusal herbs. She used them for all kinds of purposes. With her aunt, Blaze learned too to identify which herb was for what and their name. That's how she figured out how to make a poison. Saorise not once commented about Blaze's magic, she never asked her about it, nor Blaze started that conversation. But it laid there, between them, an invisble barrier that kept them from having complete trust in each other.

Her best friend, Ryoran, who lived a few houses away from her aunt's, was her lifeboat to sanity. He kept her feral side at bay with his jokes and easy-going attitude. They developed an almost brother-sister relationship, and the way he saw life was a total new world for her. The 'Screw the world' idea made her be more independent and confident about her powers. She finally decided to tell Ry about them, dreading he'd leave her and say he didn't want to be her friend anymore. But he had just grinned.

"Geez girl with the face you had, one would think you killed somebody!"

In the last six years, she haven't heard from her family in Marn. Now that she's eighteen, she'll bid her aunt farewell and prepare for the journey to the city to find out about her parents and siblings.

Hi, Annie! Welcome to Thar Shaddin and thanks for the character application.

Before I get to the actual review, I'll just point out that player accounts need to have names related to their character. Decide on a name you'd prefer for the account name -- your character's name, perhaps? -- then let me know, and we can change it.

First off: strengths and weaknesses. You'll need to describe more about how her powers work, and what kind of limitations they have. Are there drawbacks to using her magic? What can she do with her fire magic? Is she resistant to fire at all? Are there distance limitations, for example, can she only heal using touch? Can she affect flame from a distance?

Being impulsive and quick to anger aren't really significant weaknesses, and what you have listed now altogether isn't quite enough to balance out her powers. Does she have any fears besides her own power? Are there any more common skills she's good or terrible at? How is she when socializing with others? Are there any things in life she can't say no to, or types of people/situations she tries her hardest to avoid? Anything that can show more about her personality or potentially create an obstacle for her will work.

Overall, you haven't really shown much about what kind of person Blaze is. I would suggest thinking more about why Blaze is the way she is. This extends to the history even more than her powers and strengths. There's a lot that can be expanded on already to show what Blaze is like as a person.

What was Blaze's family like? How was her relationship with them? What is their standing in the community? Did everyone know of the grandmother's deal, or was it a secret? How did they feel when their daughter showed signs of possessing magic? Who was the elf she met, and why would she so willingly leave her family to be with a stranger, without even letting them know where she'd gone? That part doesn't make a lot of sense, and needs more explanation. What other events happened during Blaze's life that made her the person she is today? What does she enjoy spending her time doing? What are her current goals? And one of the most important things to consider: what does she think and feel about all the things that have happened to her, and where her life is now?

By the way, if she has training in combat and other skills mentioned, you'll need to put them in the strengths/weaknesses section. Keep in mind, however, that since Blaze is your first character, she won't be allowed to be very powerful. You might want to reconsider which powers you'd like her to keep if you want her to be approved as a first character.

Once you're done with that, or if you have any questions, leave a reply here or pm myself or another mod. You can also catch some of us in chat depending on what time of day you're around. Have fun!

Kk I edited it. Sorry about some plotholes in her history. She already had one just that I had to change it because it wouldn't have fit with the world so that's why it was more difficult.
I'm okay with having 'Blaze' as my username. =)

Thanks for the reply, Annie.

It's looking better but you still need more detail. You should take a look at some of the approved characters to get an idea, particularly for how to describe Blaze's powers. The fire manipulation in particular needs to be more specific - how big are the flames and fireballs she can conjure? How far can she throw them, and do they weaken over a distance? Does she only create them with her hands? Does she have to touch a source to take the flame from the source? Why would she need to use a source at all if she can conjure flame from nothing using her magic?

How much knowledge does she have about poisons: a lot or just a little? Can she fight at all? You haven't mentioned any fighting ability in the strengths, which is fine if she doesn't have any, but you have to mention them if she does.

To be honest, I would suggest completely scrapping the history and rewriting it from the beginning. It seems to be somewhat jumbled time-wise, and it still lacks a lot of detail. My suggestion: write the history as if you were writing a short story - describe how her grandmother encountered the dragon, the deal that was made, in detail. Then go one to describe, chronologically, the events that happened through Blaze's life. Again, take a look at some of the approved characters for examples.

Now... I'm sorry to be so blunt, but the part where she was taken by an assassin still doesn't really make sense. Even a 12 year old girl wouldn't believe that kind of story told by a stranger, especially if the man then tried to teach her to kill people. The psychological effects of being effectively kidnapped and trained to kill people would be quite significant and damaging, as would the discovery of your family being alive when you'd though them dead for so long. Besides, Shim isn't particularly well policed and the authorities likely wouldn't bother to look for her there (for anything as simple as theft), so it wouldn't make sense for her to simply move on from trying to meet with her family again.

Perhaps you could remove the entire assassin storyline from her character and begin with her simply living with her family and having the ability to use fire magic?

See how you go, and let me know if you have any questions - reply here or PM if you'd like. Thanks.

Okay, you're right, too much drama llama. I think it looks way better now. Thanks for the advice.

P.S: How do I change my username? I think I overlooked the Account section in the rules. Sorry about that.

Only Frug and myself can change usernames. I've been busy this last week, but I'll change it for you now. From now on you will need to login under Blaze, your password is still the same.

Yep, this history works a lot better. Thanks for your patience! The only thing I want to ask is why her family haven't contacted her? Shim and Marn aren't too far from each other. They could travel the distance, or send letters, or anything like that. Were they simply distrustful of her magic, and wanted nothing to do with her?

That's the only loose end that needs to be tied up. Include an example of how far she can throw her fireballs, and what effect they'd have on their target (how bad they could hurt someone), and how often she can use it before becoming too exhausted. That should be it, I think. Let me know when you've done that.

Edit to add: Oh, and how did she win those daggers in a fight? Perhaps you could instead say they were a gift, stolen, or that she bought them herself? I can't see a young girl being able to win a fight against most people.