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Hordric Macxwell

Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:42 pm
by Hordric
Name: Hordric Macxwell
Age: 24
Race: Shifter (Werewolf)
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 141lbs

Physical Description: Lean and fit, Hordric has developed a well suited body for survival in the harsh wilderness. Not the tallest person, and not the most muscular either, Hordric usually dressed in light hides when he was out in the wilderness. Now however, he prefers just to wear some "performance" clothes, keeping light and agile, and his bear fur cloak around his back when conditions get colder. He has black, unkempt hair with gray-blue eyes.

Possessions:
A light hunting bow- Living in the wilderness, all Hordric had before he was bitten was his bow. If he's not in his wolf form he always feels more comfortable with that bent piece of wood around his torso.
A hunting knife- His father's before death, Hordric plans to keep this with him until the day he dies.
Medicinal herbs- He always keeps a few essentials on him at all times in case of infection and or wounds.
Cloak- Hordric spends a lot of time outdoors and carries a nice bear fur cloak to keep him warm when the conditions aren't the best.

Powers, Strength:
Survival instinct- Living out in the wilderness for an extended period of time taught Hordric how to survive in the wilderness with ease. He would make a great guide and can live anywhere he chooses if he so wishes.
Bow Mastery- Hordric's power with a bow is unmatched. Living off the land and having to survive with just a knife was near impossible, so he started making bows. Since he needed expertise with a bow to survive, Hordric learned how to wield a one to the maximum extent of its power.
Beast- Hordric can exert his shifter powers to make any part of his body retain wolf-like traits, he usually keeps his teeth sharp and his nails like claws when feeling threatened.

Weaknesses:
Misfit- Hordric finds connecting with people rather than connecting with animals much more difficult and thus, when he can, Hordric prefers to reside near the Ofriyu Mar, hunting and catching fish.
Injury- When he was attacked by a berserk werewolf and bit on the left arm, he suffered a serious wound. Even today he still can't use his left arm for extended periods of time, rendering him fatigued and defenseless.
Secret*- Hordric has a second side to him. Sometimes in the full of moon he basks, half human, half wolf, in it's glory. He feels his muscles tense and an ever present urge to bite; not animal, but human.
(Could be used later in his story, however I don't know if I'll implement it at all)
Not to be openly shared*
History:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------:yrotsiH

Peaceful, care-free and desirable. The first eight-teen years of Hordric's life were spent working for his family whom cared for a large farm on the outskirts of Shim. Happily, day in and day out, Hordric would tend to the crops, wait for harvest day, and then sell them to the local market. He and his family, consisting of he, his older brother, his mother and his father, would be happy and well fed every night. At this time Hordric had become a very proficient farmer, and finally had saved up enough money to be able to venture out and rent an apartment in Marn. This was a turning point in his life, and he thought this was all too good to be true.

However one night, before settling into bed, Hordric found a mysterious letter on his parent's bedside table. Suspicious and driven by an ever present curiosity, he opened it and began to read. The letter was addressed to his parents, speaking of he and his brothers death, along with the death of his parents. It was blackmail, and Hordric's first thought was that it had something to do with that mysterious manner on top of the hill. His parents never spoke of it, and when they were questioned said not to speak of the manor or the man who lives inside. Hordric was always suspicious of them and their connection (if any) with the manor. Guilt bubbled up into his ever innocent soul. His parents were in trouble, he knew it, he also knew that it was probably already too late. Not knowing what he should do, he decided to find them. Running, Hordric found his bed and crouched, reaching under and pulling out a small sack of Bishani and a jacket. He ran to the door of the house and just before exiting, saw his father's hunting knife on the dining table. Grabbing it, he dashed out the door and into the cool night air. He knew that his parents would be going to the town square. Before, he assumed they were there to buy a new cow or sell some crops, but now he saw the truth. Sprinting endlessly, filled with adrenaline, Hordric took the shortest route to the spot. He thought there was still time before his parents went to bargain with this blackmailer. He made it to the square and searched tirelessly. Again and again he scanned with his keenest senses, but they were no where in sight. For the rest of the night Hordric searched, eventually returning to his bed chambers where he fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

The next morning he awoke gently, glancing around and thanking god that it was all just a nightmare. He never found it odd that he was dressed in the exact same clothes as in his "dream" and continued laying on his bed. His door creaked open. A little startled, Hordric got up and opened the door completely. No one was there. At this point he was wondering if it hadn't been a nightmare after all. He hurried into his parents chambers; no one was present. On their bed-side table lay the letter. Fear and disbelief ran up Hordric's spine. SMASH. He ran to the top of his staircase and looked down the stairs. He witnessed a struggle between his brother and three men, one of which had spotted Hordric and started up the stair towards him. Frightened, Hordric got into a clumsy stance and swung a fist at his attacker which was quickly grabbed and twisted. The man pulled him in his direction and Hordric went toppling down the stairs. Writhing in pain, Hordric recovered his senses and got to his feet, trying to chase after his brother's assailants. However, the man at the top of the stairs made him think otherwise. Consumed with fear and confusion, he let his survival instinct take over. He turned and jumped out of the kitchen window, running faster than he ever had before, across his fields and into the forest that bordered the Ofriyu Mar. After He was deep in the wood he ran north. He has no recollection of how long he traveled, all he knows is that he never made it to the edge of the forest.

Six months after he had run away, Hordric was facing death. A werewolf had been tracking him for the past two days and now they met face to face for a second time. Two days earlier Hordric had just managed to avoid getting ripped apart, having been deceived by the werewolf. When the werewolf attacked, Hordric barley escaped his grasp, using trees as cover. This shifter was very dangerous and seemed to be consumed with a desire for Hordric's flesh. Two days later, the werewolf caught up to him and he was cornered. The werewolf lunged and bit down on Hordric's left arm, leaving him crippled for days after. What was even more strange however was that after he bit Hordric, he moved along, not even looking back for a second glance. Even now Hordric cannot use his left arm to it's full extent, and more than one thing has come from that bite. :wink:

It is now present day and Hordric is prepared to make his way back into society. He plans to travel to Marn, looking for work to sustain him for a couple of months. He hasn't forgotten what happened all those years ago to his family, and wants to further investigate the blood hungering werewolves. for now, Hordric needs to find a place in the new world, and leave behind the old. He has been keeping away from his werewolf abilities, but now feels a very deep connection to nature.

Note: The part about the manor can easily be taken out, I know you guys have something planned for it.

-Hordric

Re: Hordric Macxwell

Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 6:47 am
by Stella
Hi and welcome to Thar.

Your application is coming along well. I'm going to give you a few pointers and corrections so that you can flesh your character out more and get writing.

First, I'm going to suggest as I often do that you add more weaknesses to your character. So far you have one physical weakness, one mental weakness, and what seems to be a weakness that he can't control. I'm confused about your "secret" weakness. Is this a secret to him, or is it supposed to be a secret to players, because you've posted it out in the open so I'm a little lost. I want to also extend that weakness. Does he have control over his half wolf form? If not, then why is it a weakness? Is the weakness supposed to be that he attacks people? Can he control that? Why not? If he can control it, then why mention it as a weakness at all instead of just mentioning in his history that he's evil and eats people for no reason? This sentence doesn't make any sense: "He feels his muscles tense and an ever present urge to bite; not animal, but human." Semi-colons connect complete sentences. Please rewrite this part so it's more clear.

As for the weaknesses I'd like to see, you should explore his character and what makes him flawed. He doesn't fit in with other Marnians, but that's almost to be expected because he's a werewolf. What is it, besides being a werewolf, that makes him different from other people? What is it that makes him hurt?

I would also like to see a strength or two that are not related to his physical abilities. What is it that makes him strong as a person? Is he just a really nice guy, or is he a complete asshole and gets by by being an ass to everybody?

In his history, you mention him getting an apartment. I know I'm being a little picky, but I don't really think you can have an "apartment" in Marn. An apartment, in modern terms, means a self-contained living space that has a kitchen and a bath. In Marn, since this is a medieval (although a steam-punk) setting, they don't really have that. People in Marn would rent out rooms, maybe in an apartment-like building, which might have a shared kitchen or a shared bath or both. You could also rent a room in someone's house, just like today. Anyway, the word 'apartment' implies something a little more modern than what we're going for so I'm going to ask that you change it.

How was the letter blackmail if all it was was a threat? Blackmail means that somebody used information to gain a profit, money or otherwise, from him, but that doesn't sound like what happened. Why did Hordric feel guilty after he became suspicious of his parents? He didn't do anything from what it sounds like.

It's fine that you used the Manor as you didn't mention any specific, but I want to let you know that if you do decide to explore Hordric's past more in depth, you'll have to talk to Frug about using Bela (the owner of the Manor) or the Manor for plot purposes. It seems like you might need to, because your history is very sporadic. I don't understand what happened to his parents or how werewolves, or the Manor for that manner, was involved. I think you probably left it like that on purpose, but even if that's the case I would like to see a little more from Hordric. Talk either about his struggle after his parents died or talk about his life on the farm. These might seem like the boring bits but they're the most important for showing me who your character is.

Leave a reply here when you're finished with any changes.