Thar Shaddin

Name: Asmodius Bloodhawk
Race: Human
Age: 23

Physical Description: Standing in at a whopping 6'4 and weighing 260 pounds, all of it solid muscle, asmodius is a rather large man, his size fitting his warrior status. He has deep crystal blue eyes, night-shade hair that he keeps cut above his ears, luminously pale skin, and a handsome scarred face with a very square jaw. Asmodius wears his armor at all times, fearing that the moment he takes it off will be the moment his enemies swoop down upon him: the armor itself is not too impressive. A large shoulder pauldron on his right shoulder, a layered scale-metal abdominal plate (Covers chest and gut), greaves, gauntlets, and a pair of worn out black boots.

Possessions: Asmodius has almost nothing to his name other than his Armor, his War Cleaver, and his Kite shield which he uses to make a living for himself. The war cleaver is a one sided, sharp tipped blade that is thick and heavy, using momentum to rip through most things with relative ease: it is slower than a normal sword however. He also carries a pack for lifes little necessities.

Personality: He's quiet and resolved when in the presence of people he doesn't know or trust, but he talks well with those who manage to peak his interest and get past his walls. He has a fascination with nature and life, and his favorite creature of all? lightning bugs, which many people consider to be the complete opposite of him, and he is able to work extremely hard. He is also rather intelligent, enjoying a good book every now and again, even though he's not an einstein. His intelligence is a combination of street-smarts, common sense, and facts that he's picked up from books: he's a very quick learner.

Weaknesses and Flaws: Asmodius cant stand emotional pain, a sucker for a mother,he'll immediately calm down and try to help them or usually any kind of woman in a tizzy...and despite not admitting it, he writes poetry in his spare time. He has a soft heart, and has many a-time gone without eating because he gave an orphan or a poor family all of his money. He has always been sort of scared about what other people think, even if he wont show it. He worries that people will pick on how large hs is, or how oversized his hands and feet are: he just generally worries about all his many flaws because he knows that people can be cruel.

Powers or Strengths: his strength and his skill with a weapon, He also has a higher pain threshold than most people and he's bullheaded as hell. As long as he's not drunk? He won't tell you a damn word unless he em, a thing that leaves him quite vulnerable to attack and can drive him to the edge of insanity and to the demon of drink. This causes his tongue to become loose and him to say whatever clouds his mind. He's a little insecure about himself, because of his size, feeling that it makes him a clumsy oaf. He can't make cold calculated decisions either, a slave to his heart and his soul. He can nearly drive himself insane, thinking about the uncertainty of death, or his fathers revulsion at his position. He is also rather wary of magic, although he tries to keep an open mind to everything, his father instilled this sort of fear into him. He can cook and farm rather well, and he is skilled at making improptu repairs to equipment and buildings. He's also pretty good at handling dangerous animals because of his days as a "Pest Control" man for the local farmers.

History: Asmodius began life as the only son of one of the few successful farmers located in shim, hard at work in the fields with his father from the time that he learned to walk, taught the virtues of hard work. Since there was little else to do with his spare time, asmodius would often times listen to his father tell tales of hero's who fought in great battles with monstrous beasts and invading armies. These stories left him starry eyed every time, and gave him what his father called "Delusions" that he could some day be one of those great warriors: but his mother always supported him, telling him "Our fates are not set in the stars."

When he wasn't at work with his father, asmodius practiced with a wooden sword he'd fashioned from a log everyday...his father had by this time realized that asmodius was serious about his dream, and so decided to make use of his extra money, approaching asmodius on his 10th birthday and asking "Son, tell me now...what do you wish to do with your life?" asmodius's answer was as expected, and so his father sent him away to train under a well known swordsman with the words "Follow the high road, boy."

His training was a little harsh, but asmodius made out alright, used to hard work because of his upbringing...his master trained him until he turned 18, when he gave him the war cleaver and the shield he still carries to this day as a gift for his "Best Student". His master hadn't told asmodius that he was sick however, and the healers hadn't been able to help it...he died a month after asmodius set out for home. Asmodius was crushed when he received the news...but after a brief visit with his parents, he headed for marn, where he drank his troubles away against his better judgement, earning a paycheck by killing problem animals for farmers.

One day a riot was taking place, and he just happened to be on sight...his ale got spilled, he got mad, and demonstrated his ability in combat in front of some guardsmen by putting down ten drunken thugs who started a ruckus without drawing his sword (If thats not to op) he was then recruited by the guard, where he currently serves to this day. After telling his father of how he joined the guard, he lashed out at asmodius saying "You joined a band of hired killers!? You are no son of mine!" asmodius left that house and hasn't returned ever since: he was twenty when the incident occurred and is still unsure completely as to why.

He has had a few girlfriends since his arrival in marn, but he has never seriously thought about being settled down with any particular woman, and his service to marn and her people has been his main mistress.

Nice....lol. So is he approved?

Not exactly. I'll give him a thorough review tonight.

Alright, thanks stella.

So firstly I'm going to ask that you pick a new username that pertains to your character. Why not use his first or last name?

Second I'll ask if you can put your application in the same format as everybody else's. That is, include a name, age, and race at the beginning. The purpose of this is so that people who are looking at your application and writing with you in a thread can easily find everything right there in your app. Don't list proficiencies as a separate category to his strengths/powers. Just put all of that under one category. All characters are assumed not to have any magical abilities unless they're stated in the application. "asmodius has no powers other than his strength and his skill with a weapon" is like saying I don't have any abilities except that I can tightrope across two buildings. You're sort of negating the first part of that by saying he has a lot of skill with a weapon.

What you've got right now is the skeleton of a character. I'd like to see him more fleshed out. What other weaknesses does he have apart from being emotional and drinking? A lot of people have issues like that. What makes them, or doesn't make them, major weaknesses? What other problems does he have that make him who he is, even if they seem really minor? What strengths does he have that aren't combat related? Is he a really nice person? Is he ethical? Does he have family? Does he treat his family well? If he doesn't have a family, does he have a girlfriend? Has he ever had one? Did he have any siblings? Does he still care about his parents?

You asked me earlier if he could be a Guardsman. The answer is yes, of course, but if he's a Guardsman he wouldn't be traveling. Otherwise, if he isn't a Guard, then why is he employed by the Marnian government? What is his purpose? Marn doesn't really hire mercenaries randomly, and there aren't any big monsters around that need smashing at the moment. Marn has battlemages that are a hundred times more powerful than your average joe shmoe mercenary, so why would they hire him?

Where was he raised? What was his master like? Why did he want to seek fame and fortune? How does he make a living off of fighting? Who is it that he's fighting? Do people hire him to kill other people? Do people hire him to kill animals? What kind of animals and where? Why?

These are just some example questions. What I want is for you to pretend that your character is a real person. Real people have all kinds of depth to them, they don't just wake up one day and decide to be armor clad fighters. Some people do wake up and decide to be in the military, but there are usually previous experiences and reasons why they would do something like that. Find out what these reasons for Asmodius are and write as many of them down as you can.

It looks better; it's more than a skeleton now. We're building some muscle on this guy, but I want to see some skin and scars. He's still a very standard character; he feels more like a vessel for story telling, like a pawn that you're going to use to adventure the same way you would in a video game. I want to see him telling his own story, giving you, the writer, something to work with.

What kind of emotional pain is he weak to? Is it women crying that makes him the worst? Is it thinking about death? Is it his father? Is he really sensitive about certain things like his oafish size and appearance, or does he hide the things he cares about so that others won't make fun of him? How is he intelligent? Is he book smart or street smart, or both? What kinds of things does he know a lot about other than fighting? Is he a quick learner or does he just remember everything he reads and assume them as fact? Is he insightful, a complicated thinker and philosopher, or is he stubborn about his beliefs? How does he feel about magic? Does he fear it, hate it, have no opinion on it (unlikely since he's from Shim)?

I'd appreciate it if you did a double return/enter between paragraphs. Your history looks like a giant block and it's hard to read.

While it's plausible that Asmodius was recruited by the Guard because they saw him doing a civic duty like managing a bar brawl, I'm going to say that beating up twenty of them at once with his fists is a bit unrealistic. You probably saw that one coming.

Am I understanding that his father is against the Marnian government? Had this never come up before Asmodius joined the Guard? Why does his father think they're a band of hired killers? That's not really what they do. They're more like peacekeepers; they keep to the laws of Marn and while some of the things they do might be seen as unjust for some groups, they're generally all about justice and helping and all that flowery stuff. Well, the majority of them anyway. Camulous is the Captain of the Guard and most Marnians like him. It's not as if all Guards are saintly though, so what happened that made his father so poisoned against it?

I was kinda hoping to leave the issue his father has open: I was going to turn it into a plot later on. And I figured twenty was a bit much, even given the circumstances that he was kicking the crap out of untrained drunks. Alright, i'll take your advice: Thanks again, stella.

You don't have to reveal or explain everything with his father if you have plans for it. Everything I said were just examples of what you could expand on.

Ah, alright, cool.

Approved.