Thar Shaddin

Player Name: Greene
Name: Nathaniel Francis Greene
Age: 16
Race: Human
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 135 lbs.
Physical Description: Nathaniel is a bit frail, his arms are only mildly strong. Just barely strong enough to pick up a war axe. His eyes are - just as they would be - an emerald green. His hair, seeing as how it is usually left as-is, is usually an untidy, dark brown mess. He usually dresses in black pants and a black shirt, with a pair of goggles back on his head to keep the light of his enchanting from hurting his eyes, and small black boots and gloves.

Possessions: An enchanted dagger that he enchanted himself. Its enchantment is one of electricity. It sends minor voltage (burst of mild pain/energy) coursing through the target. (Uses: 8 per day)

Weapon Descriptions:

His Dagger: His only weapon of choice, the dagger has a steel blade, and a leather-wrapped sheath (along with the handle). The blade is shaped like an extremely elongated lilac leaf, and is about 7 inches long. Its blade crackles with electricity, and blue tendril-like colors travel along it as well.


Powers or Strengths:

Skilled Enchanter: Nathaniel is skilled in enchanting. Enchanting, to Nathaniel, is enhancing any weapon with magical properties. His enchantments are as follows:

Ice Enchantments: If it was used on any kind of staff or glove, it would then be able to project ice shards/streams of ice from nothing. If it were any other kind of piercing weapon (sword, dagger, etc.), then it would momentarily slow and chill the opponent. This enchantment does a nice amount of damage to an opponent, but the uses cannot exceed 10 per day for ANY one of the enchanted items.

Electricity Enchantments: Like the above enchantments, electricity can be used on any kind of stave or glove to make it project small lightning orbs/bolts. It can also be used in the exact same way as his dagger. The damage on this enchantment is a little higher than ice, enough to stagger a large man, and so the uses cannot exceed 8 per day.

Fire Enchantments: Like all of the others, this enchantment is used to imbue staves or gloves with the power to project fire/ fireballs, and gives other weapons (swords, daggers, maces, etc.) the ability to burn wherever they touch, cauterizing any wound they inflict upon an opponent. This makes for quite a slow death. Since this is the most powerful enchantment, and does considerably more damage, its uses cannot exceed 6 per day (it takes a lot of energy out of the enchantment).

Skilled Close-Up Fighter: Nathaniel has trained with his dagger extensively, so he knows how to use it quite well. Considering he does not own a sword, Nathaniel's technique requires him to get up close. This can be both a strength and a weakness, though to him it is more of a strength, because it isn't as complicated as some other techniques.



Weaknesses:

Short on Enchantments: Not as much a weakness as a drawback, Nathaniel can only do three elements of enchantment: Ice, Fire, and Electricity. This makes for some... "unhappy customers".

Overconfidence: Though Nathan IS smart, he is way overconfident. If he is in a battle of the wits, he will always feel superior, no matter the opponent.

Limitations: While actually quite powerful, his enchantments DO have limitations. They cannot exceed the amount of uses in one day that has been set. These limitations HAVE to exist, or else the enchantments would simply cease to exist after they exceeded their charge. After their limit is reached, the owner should simply keep the weapon/garment out of use until the next to to let it charge. The limit resets itself and this can repeat, as long as they follow Nathan's rules. (When Nathaniel enchants something, he tells the customer what the limit is.) These rules do not exclude Nathaniel's dagger. (The limitations for each enchantment are listed with them)

History:


Nathaniel's childhood was not the most exciting. His father, Art, was an enchanter, dealing in the black market, Nathan's reason for becoming an enchanter himself. His mother, Eleia, was a maid. Nathan's father was his hero, even though he spent most of his time hidden in the basement, doing enchantments. Nathaniel had a few friends here and there, but never anyone he could truly trust. He spent most of his days inside, reading a good book or doing chores while his mother was away. His mother never knew about his black market dealings, only that he practiced magic. She ignored it as best she could. When Nathan was at the age of 12, his father began to teach him about enchanting in secret. Nathan had to swear secrecy; to tell not a soul, not even one of his most trusted friends. Their lives depended on it, he said. Nathan swore and so they began his training. After that, Nathaniel didn't have to worry about friends. He could wave all outside life away and jump into enchanting with his father.

Nathaniel did learn of enchantment, and soon was enchanting weapons by himself, without aid. His mother often asked what they were up to down in the basement, but Nathan always answered with a simple,"Studying". His first successful enchantment was at the age of 14, when he enchanted a dagger that his father had made himself. Art allowed Nathaniel to keep it as a memento. Soon after his father had taught him all he knew, his training ended. His father left on a trip to study more enchanting techniques, but never bothered to tell Nathaniel where he was going (he also never came back). Nathaniel took up his father's position in the black market, using the basement just as his father did. He didn't much mind it, in fact he enjoyed it quite a bit. It didn't make much of a change in his lifestyle, and feeling rebellious was... something to enjoy, at that time. Now he just focuses on doing his business right and staying a secret. Nathaniel remains in their small house to this day, selling enchanted weaponry and apparel as his father once had. Nathan's mother is still a maid, and is usually gone as well, out on business cleaning houses. When Nathan isn't enchanting nowadays, he is usually still inside, studying on his enchantments or doing chores, like usual. He doesn't venture outside often because he can't afford to make any friends. If he does, they may tell the authorities of his enchanting market and get him killed.

Ready for judgement! ~Needed to post so it would show up ~

For starters I'd like to see some more added to strengths and weakness and maybe a little to history. As it is I get very little feel for who Nathaniel is as a person. I get that he is an enchanter, but I want a feel for personality. I want to know what he does when he isn't enchanting. I want to know how he feels about being involved in a highly illegal business that was most likely linked to his father's disappearance.

Got it. I'll start editing when I can. Thanks for the input! I do also need to know- did the enchantments seem okay? Would there be room for one or two more? I want him to have as much material as he can get away with!

I'd like to see some limitations put on the enchantments. Such as: enchantment ___ can produce x amount of shots that can do y amount of damage (equivalent to something everyone will understand) every z often.

If you want to add more of them, I will need more weaknesses.

Okay, done with my edits. How does it look?

Here's my take on it, as I know Meesh is pretty under the weather.

We do expect any character application to present us with a full rounded character. As players and writers aspiring to always improve, we constantly strive to make these characters as realistic as any person.

That said, what I feel we have in your character is a loose concept based around the enchantment idea. There is potential in your history for some growth and to help interact with other characters, but it seems like perhaps it is giving you trouble. I will point out some of the areas I feel could grow into character traits that will help with rp, as well as entice other players to rp with your character.

Nathaniel idolizes Art. Art spends most of his time alone, enchanting, but does that mean that he shuns all other people? Did he approve of Nathaniel or did he keep him at arm's length? How did he behave when selling enchants and meeting with others on the black market? How did this affect Nathaniel growing up? Is Nathaniel scared of strangers, or does he look down on them? Does he secretly hope for someone to share all of his secrets with, or does that hope lean towards never having to deal with another person ever again?

Does he really enjoy enchantment, or is he trying to gain his father's attention?

How does his father treat his mother, and how did it shape Nathaniel's views and perceptions of relationships? Does he scorn his mother? As he doesn't get out much, does his view of his mother (and by extension, the way his father treats his mother) color all of his interactions with other women?

And speaking of his mother, is she perhaps a bit slow (brain damage maybe) in that she never gets what her husband/baby daddy and son do down in the basement? Or does she purposefully choose to look the other way? How did she treat Art? How does she treat Nathaniel? How does she feel about being a maid, and how does that color her interactions with the both of them?

Learning all of a tradeskill in two years' time is very quick. Is Nathaniel a genius in the art, in general? Was Art just not terribly skilled at enchanting? Does Nathaniel like secrecy? Is there anything else in the world that interests him? Does he get into fights often, hence needing to learn how to use a weapon? What does he do in his spare time? Is he socially inept, obsessively focused, a party animal waiting to let loose?

Do they live in Marn, or Shim? Do they live comfortably, or are they constantly scraping to pay bills? Does the need for secrecy stress Nathaniel out? Is he always worried about getting caught? Is he a free spirit or a tight ass?

So on and so forth.

Right now, as far as I know, Nathaniel is a gay drunkard who goes out of his way to be cruel to women, and beats his mother to keep her in her place when he's not working on his enchantments. As far as I know he has a superiority complex, but acts like a sniveling coward in front of his contacts.

I am betting that is not the image you have for Nathaniel. It is important that the basic parts of a character be included in your app as this is what other players will look at and judge when it comes to rping with you. I cannot stress that enough. In addition to that, we expect applications to this website to be thorough in their presentation of a character. It does not have to be miles long, but it does need to give a sense of who the character is, what he does, and what he intends to do with himself out in the world.

Additionally, either we are not communicating properly with you or you are very hesitant to make changes to your app as it is. It will not be approved in its current state. You still have not added numbers to the limitation (even a range of 5-20 uses or whatever is acceptable, but we need something), and you seem reticent to take Niabi up on her suggestions. If we are not making sense, please let us know as the goal is to work with you to get your character approved, not muddy the waters.