Thar Shaddin

Name: Geddon (Formerly named Samill)
Age: 24
Race: Human
Height: 6' 02''
Weight: 164 lbs
Physical Description: Geddon is a tall and physically well developed young man, with broad shoulders tapering to lean hips. He is muscular and toned, having sculpted his body with exercise and hard living. His body is criss-crossed with scars, both old and new, testament to his life of battle. His eyes are a icy blue, both ferocious yet haunted at the same time. His dark hair is shoulder length and unkempt, and he seems to be cursed with perma-stubble. It has been said he would have been handsome if it wasn't for his eyes.

Possessions: His clothes are made of quality materials, but are all old and travel worn. These include brown leather boots, cloth trousers a linen sleeveless jerkin, wolf fur vambraces and a black leather hooded cloak. His most well kept possession’s are his hand-and-a-half sword and his hunting knife.

Powers or Strengths:

Trained for Battle: Geddon was once a man who drank in battle like it was a fine wine, and to fufill that end he has trained religiously. He is at the height of his strength, stamina and endurance, a perfect human specimen and his uncanny speed seems to hint at elven heritage.

Trying to do what is right: Although first appearances would make people think he is a rogue and a villain he generally tries to do what is right now, even at cost to himself.

Skilled tracker: Geddon was trained to track by an expert hunter. He can read trails like other men read script. If he is after you, he will find you.

Seeing red: Geddon has a fiery temper that he struggles to keep in check. It takes very little to set him off, and once he looses it he struggles to get his temper back under control. However his rage suits his animalistic and brutal fighting style perfectly, and not many can keep up with him when he releases himself to his rage.

Weaknesses:

Troubled Past: Geddon has a dark and troubled past, one that he just can't ignore. Evil deeds have been perpetuated against him, but more often he has perpetuated them. Either this past will catch up with him, or he will lead himself down a path of self sacrifice to make amends.

Uneducated: Geddon has never learnt to read or write.

Afraid of water: Geddon has never learnt to swim, and fears deep or fast running bodies of water.

Seeing red: Geddon has a fiery temper that he struggles to keep in check. It takes very little to set him off, and once he looses it he struggles to get his temper back under control. This can become a severe hindrance in tense situations when the wrong word will set him off. Carefully laid plans can and will go awry if Geddon looses his temper as he then takes the most direct approach to solving a problem. He is also prone to making one-step judgements when he loses his temper and innocents can suffer for it.

Bio: Shyla and Dorian were a young couple, full of love and hope and ready to start a new life together after getting married, far to the west of Marn. They purchased a small farmstead together and prepared to welcome a new child into the world. Their happiness wasn’t to last however.

Shyla died in childbirth, but the child lived. Dorian named the boy Geddon, an ancient word he took to mean death, blaming his son for his wives passing. Dorian raised the boy but never loved him, taking to drink and ignoring his struggling farm. He referred to his son as a plague and a curse, convincing his son that he was in fact a burden upon all he met.

As Geddon grew older his father grew more bitter, and began to beat the child. His favourite form of punishment was to strike the Childs back with a wooden switch until he bled, leaving scars that will stay with Geddon for life. During all this the farm grew more and more wild and desolate, just another of Geddon’s faults in Dorian’s eyes.

One night Dorian beat a ten year old Geddon more savagely than usual before passing out in a drunken stupor. This assault must have finally pushed Geddon over the edge, straight into his very own pool of madness. Taking a wickedly sharp carving knife he slit his father’s throat and left that damned farm without a backwards glance.

The boy staggered into a human settlement some two days later, half starved and ready to keel over and die. The village took the Geddon in, tended to the wounds that his father had inflicted and nursed him back to health, while a party was sent out to the decrepit farmhouse to try and discern what had happened. When they arrived to find the murdered Dorian lying in his bed they quickly worked out what had happened and returned to the village with all due haste. Geddon was just regaining his strength when they arrived, declaring that the child had been corrupted by magic and had murdered his father and causing a plague to ravish his families farm. They threw Geddon into the dirtiest cell they could find in the village and locked him away while they decided what to do with him. After a remarkably short time later these once kind villagers, led by the local clergyman from puradynic decided to burn him at the stake.

Two men were dispatched to retrieve the child from his cell. A half hour later and the villagers were gathered around a makeshift stake and pyre, growing restless as the men still hadn’t returned. More men were sent to find the boy, but returned with grim news. The two that had been sent collect him originally were dead, repeatedly stabbed to death with a makeshift shiv, and the boy was long gone. Hunters were sent out to track him and return him for justice. Several days later a much smaller group returned to the village, battered, bruised, empty handed and terrified. The called the boy a wraith, and refused to search for him any longer.

After the situation in the village Geddon had found something to set himself free, something to live for. Death, the likes of which he had long been blamed for by his father and the inhabitants of the village, was his release from a dreary and pain filled existence. He realises he has a power the likes of which he has never realised, he can decide who lives and who dies. He changed his name to Samill so he wouldn’t have to take anything of his father with him and moved on.

Six weeks later he is sitting in a dull and depressing tavern when he witnesses a bar fight. One man in a hooded cloak fighting with three others, and actually holding his own. Unknown to the hooded warrior approaches from behind with a raised knife. Samill steps in and ends the assailants life using a pewter tankard to bludgeon the man to death. The hooded warrior drags the young Samill away and reveals himself to be a veteran mercenary name Jon Calder. Samill, impressed by the mans formidable skills and array of weapons, demands that Jon teach him how to fight. Calder now feels that he owes Samill his life, but more than that he realises the boy will get himself killed if he continues on like he is without some guidance. Reluctantly he agrees to take the boy under his wing.

Samill and Jon travelled from place to place and under Jon’s tutorage Samill’s deadly skills grew day by day until Jon decided he was ready to take to the battle field. Jon was hired to hunt down and remove a brigand group that had been harassing merchant caravans for several months. Together he and Samill tracked the group, coming upon the raiders camp at night. The two quickly kill or subdue the bandits. During the skirmish it becomes apparent that Samill took great delight in torturing his enemies, using his superior sword skills too cut them too pieces when he could have just as easily delivered a killing blow. Jon, a man who was very used to battle and the excesses of men, was appalled and sickened by the younger man’s attitude, but tried to ignore it as he had come to love the younger man as a son.

The years pass by, with Jon and Samill travelling far and wide, taking on any work that comes there way. Jon becomes increasingly aware of Samill’s seeming madness, and it becomes more and more apparent that he cannot control the young man. Then one night Samill attacks and attempts to rape a woman. Jon intervenes, and realises that he must kill his protégé as redemption seems to be no longer attainable. Samill has other ideas, and the two friends fight a duel to the death, with Samill eventually prevailing and ending his masters life without a word.

But there is something missing. This time there was no feeling of power after the death, just a sense of loss and a strange sensation that sat heavily upon his heart. For the first time in years he started to have doubts about his right to judge others. Perhaps he was the plague that his father and the villagers had described him as so long ago. Perhaps he was a curse. Perhaps he was becoming his father.

He decides to return to the farm of his upbringing for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. Falling to his knees, tears in his eyes upon arrival, he is greeted by green fields and well fed cows. The place he had been forced to call home from his childhood had flourished since his departure, new owners providing a balm to the wounds that Dorian and his son had left upon the land. This sudden realisation that death doesn’t have to be all there is forces Samill to revaluate his life and choices. He desires to make amends, but doesn’t know how. But he does know he has to change, and to begin with he takes his old name back, perhaps as penance for his deeds or maybe to hide from the man that Samill had been.

Wandering in a daze he finds himself entering the city of Marn. Will the city prove to be his salvation, or damnation, only time will tell.

Welcome to Thar!

While I would love to review this app, I couldn't help but notice it was missing a history. I suspect you might not be done and simply did not put up some sort of warning that it's incomplete, but in the event that it is complete I would like to see a history before reviewing the app. The history is generally where we check up on your writing capabilities, the character's development and personality, and the thoroughness with which you have compiled the character.

It doesn't have to be terribly long, but I would like to see one.

edit - let me know you've added a history, or when you're done with the app, by replying to this topic.

Thanks, yeh I didn't have time to finish it but I posted what I had.
Is that bio alrite?

Well hello again! Glad to see more added to this. I've got a long response to this app, please forgive me for that!

K, first I'm going to poke at his weaknesses:

Geddon has a fiery temper that he struggles to keep in check. It takes very little to set him off, and once he looses it he struggles to get his temper back under control. This can become a severe hindrance in tense situations when the wrong word will set him off.

We tend to see harsh tempers as weaknesses often, but what we don't often see are reasons how this temper creates weakness. We know from characters like the Hulk that having a temper can indeed be a great strength, but I also know from myself personally that when I lose my temper I tend to become less effective at communicating rather than more, almost always to my detriment. What flavor of temper does he have? Does losing his temper make him worse at fighting; does he make more mistakes? Does he tend to piss people off and lose chances at making money/employment? Does he make an idiot out of himself when he loses his temper, thus losing him respect from others?

Or, does he tend to lash out to the detriment of others? Does he go into a killing rage? If he becomes more effective at killing or harming others when he loses his temper, I'd suggest adding a segment of this into his strengths, as his temper then becomes another weapon. Maybe one he has little control over, but a weapon nonetheless.

Under name you have: Geddon (Formerly named Samill) <-- did you decide to change something? I saw no mention of Samill in the history.

Strengths: I don't say this often, I really don't, but I think this character could benefit from additional strengths. I don't mean something related to his prowess at doing harm to others, but surely during his thirteen years he picked up additional skills, or an affinity for something (good horsemanship? blacksmithing? haggling? Whittling wood? Tracking? Hunting?). In addition to giving him a broader skillset this also opens up some windows to who he is, and what he has done during those thirteen years. Speaking of which. . .

He left his homestead at age ten. He would have needed someone to show him the ropes. Even in brutal societies (of which, he would have been at the border between thar shaddin and eyropa, so he likely would have fallen in with brigands, mercenaries, or provincial guards/mercantile/caravan guardsmen -- no warring between provinces occur, though there are undocumented skirmishes at times usually blamed on brigands) young warriors train with someone before being turned onto the field. Who took him in? Who taught him? This is pretty important to his development, so I'd like to see something on this added to his history.

You've got a solid concept of the character here, I think, but aside from his terrible childhood I'm not seeing much that reflects who he is now. Why does he try to do what's right? Who taught him the concept of morally right and wrong (it certainly wasn't daddy)?

Geddon has a dark and troubled past, one that he just can't ignore. Evil deeds have been perpetuated against him, but more often he has perpetuated them.

What sort of deeds? If his past is dark and troubled, surely more has happened than his father being a sadistic asshole and him killing his father (though by itself that's quite traumatic). Is his past being dark and troubled solely related to coping with the trauma of his early childhood? Is there more? Does he have problems trusting people? Is he skittish around people? Have problems fitting in?

I think if we see some more related to who he is this could turn out to be a very well rounded and interesting character, but right now it feels a little low on personality.

Feel free to ask any questions you might have here in this thread, in chat, or in a pm to myself or any of the other moderators. At any time when you want me to take another look at the app just lemme know in a reply to this thread.

Thats me made a few ammendments now

I understand your desire to make a warrior, but looking at it realistically -- a ten year old boy, fresh from the horror of killing a person (his own father, no less) gets put in jail by a village. They are aware he is something evil, so they are on their toes. He kills two of them and then somehow defeats an entire hunting party sent out just for him. He may not have killed them all, but he killed a few and sent the rest packing.

This is an unskilled farmboy who has been beaten for most of his life and is likely malnourished.

That coupled with this

Samill steps in and ends the assailants life using a pewter tankard to bludgeon the man to death.

from a ten year old boy with likely scant muscles, and this in your strengths:

He is at the height of his strength, stamina and endurance, a perfect human specimen and his uncanny speed seems to hint at elven heritage.

Makes me think this character might be a little bit overpowered for a starting character. While there is no issue making a skilled warrior as your first character, we prefer characters who play here to not be battle machines. There isn't a whole lot of fighting that goes on in Thar; most threads usually feature struggles against the odds, with characters either failing or barely scraping by. What fights do occur tend to be rather minor. We don't like unnecessary killing of NPCs if it can be helped -- they are characters in their own right and not lambs for slaughter.

This character Geddon is twenty-four years old, and it seems that during his earlier years he was a killing machine and highly dangerous. I'd like you to tone that down a bit.

Additionally, I'd also suggest checking here and here out. They're a bit less stringent about powers than we are, and might be better suited to a warrior badass.