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Lawfin Blaschke

Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 5:07 pm
by Immy
Player Name: Imogen Rain Archer

Character Name: Lawfin Blaschke

Age: 25

Race: Human

Height: 6'4"

Weight: 200 lbs

Physical Description:
A tall light skinned man. Toned body and physically fit. Muscular legs and arms and visible abs. Short dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Thin eyebrows. A medium sized nose, gnarled, as if it's been broken. Rounded chin, thin lips, and always a bland look in his eyes, as if he's hiding something. He wears a white linen shirt with a brown leather vest over it, brown laces connecting both sides of the open vest, and dark blue trousers, slightly loose fitting, and black running shoes. A utility belt, made of brown leather, which carries his lock picking tools.

Possession:
A utility belt carrying his various lock picking tools. A lock making work bench he keeps at his home, with many heavy machines for making locks that he just can't carry around. A war hammer, 27 inches long. Made of steel and has a wooden handle. The entire hammer is thin and can be wielded in one hand. The back end of the hammer head is in the shape of a pick axe, meant for piercing armor. On the handle is a small spike, meant for attacking foes that get to close. He leaves his hammer at his house, hanging above his door. His home is in the residential district. A small house, which can be considered a shack, next to Fire Hall. It's old and falling apart. He has no money, so he has nothing really expensive in his shack besides his work bench.

Image

Powers:
He is effective at picking locks, almost any non-magical lock, and even some simple magic locks. He can also make complex locks. He is fast, agile, and strong. Quick witted and cool tempered.

Weaknesses:
Although he could make an excellent fighter, since he is fast and strong, he has no combat experience, all he knows how to do is swing his hammer. Always sarcastic, it's hard for him to make friends, but easy to make enemies. He has deep emotional problems, which don't allow him to get close to people easily.

History:
When Lawfin was young, he had lived with his father, Serus Blaschke, in the house that he lives in now. He had a wonderful relationship with his father. Serus was a mighty warrior who was on the guard. He defeated many foes with his war hammer in battles. Serus would always tell Lawfin stories about his battles, and even exaggerate sometimes, saying he had slain a mighty dragon before, just to make Lawfin smile.

One day, when Lawfin was twelve years old, Serus had locked up all his items and possessions, getting help putting magic locks on most of the chests and containers, and told Lawfin that he would be back soon, giving Lawfin no reason to worry, since daddy never lies.

Three days had passed with no sign of his father when a messenger had come to his home, bringing news that his father had died in battle fighting against magic creatures that were sure to cause mayhem if they reached Marn, and since his father couldn't use magic, he died fighting.

A ceremony was held for Serus, in commemoration. Lawfin attended and cried the whole time. His father was gone, and he had told him he would be back. I have to be strong, he told himself, like Serus. And with that, he decided he wasn't going to cry over it, because strong people don't cry.

After the ceremony ended, Lawfin returned home, remembering the locked chests. He couldn't get into the chests, so he took up being a lock smith. Learning from books and previous locksmiths. He was a fast learner, and only took a few weeks to learn to pick locks, and a few months to make them.

After learning some about locks and picking them, he attempted picking the locks of the chests. Weird, they wouldn't come undone, they don't seem to follow the rules of lock picking. Of the chests that weren't magical, he had found his fathers prized war hammer and some money, which he used to pay for the house. The hammer was heavy, how was he supposed to use this in a battle like his father? Lawfin would practice swinging the hammer, strengthening his arms, but never learned from teachers, or how to fight, figuring having his fathers hammer is good enough to make him a strong fighter.

Years later, his views about being strong have changed a little bit. He no longer thinks people who cry are weak, or that fighting bad guys and dragons makes you strong. Even though his views have changed, he still holds in his emotions, like an unconscious thought, which he has grown used to, and always making smart ass remarks. He developed this habit when he was young, using it to hide the fact that he is not OK.

Currently he is self employed as a lock smith, making, breaking, or picking locks. Most people don't like him, since he always has something to say, but sometimes you just can't find a decent lock smith, or they are too expensive. Most people know where he lives, or he can be found walking around town or often walking just outside of Marn, where he can be found with his hammer, pretending to fight monsters.

Re: Immy

Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:16 pm
by Niabi
First of all, I will ask that use our simple format. It is there to make your app more organized and easier to read.

Player Name:
Name:
Age:
Race:
Height:
Weight:

Physical Description


Possessions

Powers or Strengths

Weaknesses

History

I will ask that you expand on the following sections: Physical Description, you left it rather vague which makes it harder for others to write with you and describe what your character looks like. Also, he might want to rethink her size-weight equivalent, she is going to be the size of a barbie doll in her smaller form and weigh slightly more than a newborn human does.

Possessions, if not in the app you will need to send a PM to me or another mod and have them approve of this character having a powerful magical item.

Powers, you need to clarify her powers.

She needs more weaknesses to balance her out if she has possession of a powerful magical item. You wrote that she is physically frail but if that were the case I don't see how she would be able to carry around the massive orb when in her smaller size. Think about it, if she was the size of a barbie doll, there is no way that she could carry a softball on her back unless she was really strong, the thing would be massive.

For the history, I would like to see it expanded on and at least see included where her current location is. Is she in Marn? Or Shim? How did she get there? Where abouts was her fairy village?

Re: Immy

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 6:34 am
by Niabi
I noticed there was no mention of wings on this fairy. Does she have them? In both forms? Are they invisible? Does she not have them? Is there a reason why she doesn't have them?

Re: Immy

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:41 am
by Immy
I still have more to do, I just need to cut it short for the night. But I'd like some feedback and maybe some suggestions if needed.

Re: Immy

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:09 pm
by Immy
I believe I am done now. Hopefully it's good enough.

Re: Immy

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 7:36 pm
by Niabi
Hmmm...I think it might be best if I just direct you to http://www.unicornsvisions.com/forum/ I think you might fit in there better than you would here.

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:26 am
by Immy
Haha, so, basically I'm not good enough?

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 3:12 am
by Niabi
Well there is still things about this character that would further need to be improved on to meet the level of which we approve here. I just thought that you might have an easier time getting started with you character at UV. They have a good board with lots of people and their setting is more open to new ideas.

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:50 am
by Frug
Well I thought it was vastly improved...

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:54 pm
by Immy
UV is easier to get started in, but that's because they are of lesser skill than this site. I thought I improved a lot, this is the first time I've done something like this, so I wasn't quite sure on how to do things, your reason for sending me to the other link is so that it will be easier for me. I never said I wanted the easy way out, and if that really is your reason, and you aren't just trying to let me go easy, then I would still like to work on my app, I'm sure to improve, has I hope I have already shown, but if not, then please just say it, my feelings won't be hurt, I promise.

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:40 pm
by Frug
drop by chat some time

Re: Immy

Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:16 pm
by Niabi
I'm not saying you can't continue to work on this and make more improvements, I just know that some people get discouraged with how long it can take to get approved here so I was just trying to offer an alternative. If you want to continue to work on your character you can stop by chat for some advice or send a PM to one of the mods.

Re: Immy

Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 7:38 pm
by Immy
I am done with my redone character. I went for something simpler.

Re: Immy

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 3:03 pm
by Pagusel
Things look pretty close to ready with this application. There are a few typos in there that you should scan for, and I also want you to put this in a new thread with the title of this character as the thread name (instead of Immy). That way we can find it more easily if we're referencing characters.

Also as a note, the guard (as it says in the history Lawfin's father was a member of) doesn't so much "battle foes" as keep the town under the law. They're a military police force. If his father did do any fighting of beasts, it would be an unusual and isolated situation. I won't say this can't be part of the history, I just want you to be aware that the guard doesn't do a lot of fighting beasts in the woods.

Re: Lawfin Blaschke

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 3:29 pm
by Immy
OK, the only typo I found was the word one instead of on, and I fixed a few commas, changed the name, and took out the part with him having the hammer in his belt, since I put it above his door.

I understand the guard doesn't usually fight in battles, but they don't have a military, right? And I don't see how else he could still be a fighter and a citizen of Marn.