Thar Shaddin

Name: Angel Zero, Zeak Dlanor.

Age: 18

Race: Elf

Height: 5'11''

Weight: 9Stn

Physical Description:Zeak Hides his face under a Long cape warped around his neck. His blue eyes with an orange/brown outer ring can be seen just about the top of the cape. His under cloths consist of a black fitted top and Loose black trousers. on each hand he has a gauntlets, separated into many plates of iron metal. His left arm is fully armoured with a gardbrace on his left shoulder, a guard of vambrace on his elbow and gussets if metal sewn on his cloths. He wears a pair of greave’s other black leather boots what have 2 more gussets of Armour sewn on, one plate on the top of the foot and one plate on the shin under his greave’s. He has a leather belt that is different on both side's. His left side extending round to the back of the right leg is a cloth tassest that reaches down to his ankle. The other side has a piece of material that attaches by another belt at his knee, the long piece of material has an assortment of large storage pockets.

His eyes always have a blank expression on his pale face, no matter what happens, nothing seems to phase him.

Possessions: Zeak carries a change of clothing and his two swords, apart from his Armour he has no other possessions.

Powers or Strengths:
Light (offensive): Emits yellow and gold "beams" or balls from his hands at will. They act as fire being at intense heat. When a ball is charged and comes into contact with something, it produces a burst of light that can blind anyone looking in that direction, for a short period of time.

Light (support): Zeak can heal minor wounds by placing his hand on them. His hand glows with a white and gold tint and can take several seconds too minutes depending on the severity.

Duel wielding/ambidexterity: Zeak can wield two swords at once, being ambidextrous this comes naturally to him, his left hand is mainly used for defending.

Acrobatics: Speed is Zeak’s main ability, he suffers greatly in strength but he can perform acrobatic manoeuvres and such with ease.

Weaknesses: Zeak is slow and occasionally clumsy, He is effected more by dark magic but he has the ability to counter it with his light magic, If caught off guard it could do serious damage to him.

History: Zeak was abandoned by his elfish family in a small town of humans only, Zeak was raised as one of them but at the age of five began to advance and change in different ways. He found comfort in his light magic that grew at an quick rate. He began to get picked on and became very alone, he played by himself but quickly got board and picked up a sword one day, left by the town guards. He began to swing it about when one of the guards who came back took pity on him and decided to teach him in the ways of the sword.

By the age of 10 he had a different appearance to everyone else, he had a longer face and very noticeable longer ears. He lived with the guard who took him in, seeing him as a step-son. his "grand-parents" were the tailors for the hamlet and taught him to craft his own cloths. No-one in the hamlet had seen magic before Zeak, they were a very secluded hamlet away from any other settlements. His peers had began to call him nothing and Zeak became very depressed, thought he had mastered the sword and had the great gift of light, he was still alone, he began to talk less and less, and wanted to prove he wasn't nothing, he then decided he wanted to join the town guard.

at the age of 16 when he had become of age he attempted to register but was turned away, he didn't know why. The adults seemed to have the same hatred that the children had towards Zeak, he applied many time and was always rejected, he became angry, he didn't understand why he was treated the way he was. He attempted to register again and he wouldn't take no for an answer, he raised his hand and it shone a bright white. and aimed it towards the guard, he opened his palm and looked at the frightened guard, Zeak unleashed a beam that skimmed the guards armour almost melting and destroying it completely. He quickly left the small area and hid himself away, ashamed of what he had done.

On the same day, an old travelling merchant came to town and crossed paths with Zeak, asking "so, what’s your name then?" Zeak looked up at the strange old man and noticed he had long ears much like his own.

"I'm nothing" Replied Zeak after a short delay, he quickly broke eye contact with him and looked at the ground.

"ha ha ha ha ha, Well, Mr.Zero? You look upset, what’s the matter?" asked the merchant and with that, the two conversed for an hour or two as the merchant told stories of the outside world. Zeak was interested in the merchants tale's he decided to leave with the merchant, not giving him a choice, he quickly ran to his grand-parents and grabbed some cloth's eager to get going. The merchant didn't know how too respond but left that moment with Zeak, who didn't say a word to anyone.

For the next year Zeak travelled with the merchant to many places, being the happiest he had ever been, he had a friend, someone like him, someone he can talk too. but suddenly, one night, the merchant died, as Zeak tried to wake him he kept looking at the smile on his face. He finally gave up, and once again left without a word, travelling for a year he has got over his past for the most part, and now looks for hope, new friends, and happiness.

(according to my computer and several different grammatical and spell checks, this is correct so this is my last attempt, then I give up! ¬_¬.)

(I don’t understand why you need A-level English, as long as its understandable it should be allowed. There really is no need for such strict grammar rules. I think its unfair that you want everyone to have Perfect English, what is the reason for it?)

He has offensive light magic and mastery of duel wielded sword fighting. His light spells mainly conclude of a white/golden beam to be released from the hand in a destructive manor but he can also use it to heal minor wound's.

This is too vague. I think you mean to say they mainly consist (not conclude) of a white/golden beam and he can heal. When you say that, you sound like you are suggesting that there are more powers. If all that is listed in your profile is the beam and the healing, that's all he can do according to the rules. Perhaps that's what you meant and I'm arguing semantics here, but it has to only consist of, not mainly consist of, the light beam and healing.

What kind of destruction are we talking about here? The beam can not be very powerful for a beginning character.

He only has basic protection.

He's wearing custom plate. That is well beyond basic protection.

Please run your posts through a spell checker and proof read it. There are numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes in your application. This is your application. We use it to judge the quality of your writing, if you can't proof read it, what am I supposed to think about the rest of your posts?

You are also running dangerously close to an anime character. Don't think I haven't picked up on this.

Frug wrote:

He has offensive light magic and mastery of duel wielded sword fighting. His light spells mainly conclude of a white/golden beam to be released from the hand in a destructive manor but he can also use it to heal minor wound's.

This is too vague. I think you mean to say they mainly consist (not conclude) of a white/golden beam and he can heal. When you say that, you sound like you are suggesting that there are more powers. If all that is listed in your profile is the beam and the healing, that's all he can do according to the rules. Perhaps that's what you meant and I'm arguing semantics here, but it has to only consist of, not mainly consist of, the light beam and healing.

What kind of destruction are we talking about here? The beam can not be very powerful for a beginning character.

Yea, I just thought that it meant spells, Is it supposed to be like swordsmanship and such, or is it only spells and i just fluffed up explaining it.

He only has basic protection.

He's wearing custom plate. That is well beyond basic protection.

Once again my explaining skills fail me. but now that I have drawn him properly I can see that his armor is still quite basic, as in. It doesn't cover his full body only parts of it.

Secondly, you may have mis understood what I meant by plate for I meant plates of a metal such as bronze.

Please run your posts through a spell checker and proof read it. There are numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes in your application. This is your application. We use it to judge the quality of your writing, if you can't proof read it, what am I supposed to think about the rest of your posts?

Yea, sorry about that, I am aware of this, and I'm not going to give excuses and such, I will do in the future.

You are also running dangerously close to an anime character. Don't think I haven't picked up on this.

Strange, I designed him to not be like an anime character. I had a cross between a Paladin and a Spell sword in mind when creating him, Is this to do with the spiky hair thing?

I admit he may be influenced by anime slightly since I watch it but...I did not mean for him to be, I thought he sounded very knighty.


I will go about correcting the errors soon.


Edit: Im finished, I hope it is ok this time.

Your profile still has far too many grammatical errors to be considered. Please proofread. Make sure words that need to be capitalized are capitalized and space between your sentences. Try to avoid using the possessive when it's unnecessary, and don't neglect needed apostrophes.

Corrected, if its not please point out whats wrong because I cant see it.

Read the additional notes at the bottom of my first post if you will.

If the answer to your question isn't self-evident by reading a few other profiles, and in particular threads, that can be found on this board, perhaps this is not the board for you. You might want to check out our affiliates for a more appropriate site.

I'll leave evaluating the revision up to Fruggles or Kamar.

I understand that the writing skill we require here is somewhat high but it is not something we believe is unachievable by someone who takes a little time to read over everything he or she writes.

We do not lower our standards because every time we have made an exception in the past we have ended up regretting it later. Posts that are poorly written are hard to read. It's not about being anal for the sake of being anal, it's about keeping the flow of something good and not sacrificing our own threads just to include more people.

I appreciate that you want to play here and I would like nothing more than to have more writers on these forums. Writers are what keep this place going. Unfortunately we have had bad experiences with exceptions in the past, and not everyone fits in here.

Most of us improve our English as we go along. We don't write perfectly at first, but practice makes perfect provided that one thing is present: a respect for the language, patience, and an effort to improve. If you don't have those things, it just ain't gonna work even if I do let the application slide. Trust me.

Other people who have read your application have noticed these things, they are noticeable, and they are distracting. You've fixed it up, but there are still typos here and there and if you stopped and read through it all I wonder why you can't see them.

and Loose black trousers. on each hand

Loose is capitalized when it shouldn't be, on is lowercase when it should be capitalized.

and gussets if metal sewn on his cloths.

Of, not if. Clothes, not cloths. (I have made the mistake of writing cloths too so it's not a biggie).

a pair of greave’s

Greaves. Apostrophes are easy to learn to use, but you need to learn the rules. 's means either two things. Either it belongs to someone named greave (the boy's hat = the hat of the boy), or it is a short form for "greave is" (who's = who is). If you only ever use them in those two situations, you will probably never be corrected by anyone again.

black leather boots what have 2 more gussets of Armour sewn on

That have.

that is different on both side's

As above.

That's all I can see for the decription, but there's more in the history I'm afraid.

I feel rather stupid now.

So, if I can correct the errors in the history on my own will it be accepted?

One reason I want to do this is that I want to improve my spelling and grammar, but to do that I have to be on places like this.

Have you never considered trial applications, for example, you can only post in certain areas and if you have errors in your profile that aren't sorted after so-many days your character shall be revoked?

Go through it and I'll take another look.

I'm not sure a trial app would work. This place doesn't have enough people in it and they would most likely get stuck wandering around alone, cold, without a home. Without LOVE.

We have asked people to leave after they already started posting. They didn't like it but that's life.

I'm putting this away since I haven't heard anything more on it.