Thar Shaddin

I think you should find someone in person to help you out, not something online. I don't believe any online communication has the same impact as speaking to someone, especially a professional, face to face. If there wasn't such an idiotic taboo on 'seeking a professional' a lot of less people would have problems. Unfortunately there are a lot of quack 'professionals' as well.

Why would I think a shrink is better than a friend to talk to? Plenty of reasons. For instance, everybody judges. It's in human nature to judge, but at least a shrink has seen enough people to understand better than most and probably not judge harshly. Whether or not your friends (eg shadow) will actually judge you badly is irrelevant, what matters is whether you secretly think they will, regardless of what is said openly.
A shrink doesn't know your friends/family and won't talk to anyone you know, and of that you have 100% certainty.
When you see a shrink, most people take on a different mentality of their own. Whatever the reason for it, when you're in an office with a doctor the social atmosphere is different and will hopefully incline you to divulge more. Seeing a psychologist is a commitment on your part, one where you take a concrete step to change, which is the most important thing you can do. Cheesy, but definitely true.
Last, and ironically perhaps least, they do frequently have good mental tricks that can help you out. Ways to think about things, cognitive therapies, or more direct solutions.

Do be sure you're not going to see some 'psychoanalyst'. I won't defend that neo-Freudian mumbo jumbo. What you want is a psychologist who knows more than that. These are all things I've concluded myself, so it's not a regurgitated rant. I'm not downplaying the website, whatever helps you helps you.

Frug wrote:Whether or not your friends (eg shadow) will actually judge you badly is irrelevant, what matters is whether you secretly think they will, regardless of what is said openly.

Yeah... that was the point I was trying to make to Shadow. (Who is sat next to me reading this as I post, so I think he's pretty much GOT IT by now)

I'm better with it now than I was before I "regressed" into doing it again. I don't mind so much talking about it - although it's still not easy, make no bones about that one - and I feel less self-concious about the whole thing.

I will eventually get there. Just gonna take a while. Thanks for your replies, but perhaps this be not the place for such a discussion. I don't wanna offend anyone or anything like that - I'd perhaps feel better if this was labelled as such so people knew what the thread contains before opening it.

thanks all. You've been helpful. Even you, Shadow *Meaningful poke*.

I don't see anything offensive. Maybe putting the word drama in the title is a bad idea though. If you like I could delete the whole thing.

I don't mind... it's just I don't want anyone to accidentally read this thread and be confronted with all this stuff about self-harm.

Warning people might be considered "Common courtesy"

Obviously this wasn't the direction the thread was intended to take, which is why it hasn't been labelled. I just don't wanna cause anyone else problems... that's all

Right. This thread wants to get back on topic, I think. Sorry for the hijack there, peeps.

Drama... let me think... what about...

Ok. This is why I left home. Think this counts as drama.

I think the date was 18th July '05. I was home alone, 16 at the time. My mother was off at a moderating meeting in London, and my stepdad came home drunk from the pub.

Since my mum wasn't home, he decided that he'd try to get me to do something... I think it was washing the dishes, something I'd DONE that night and had left on the draining board to... well... drain.

This fact seemed to escape him as he nearly broke my wrist trying to make me wash them. By this point, this kinda stuff had been going on for a little more than a year. I was finally sick of it.

Using his own force against him, I let myself relax somewhat and then shoved backwards as hard as I could. He staggered backwards, and I didn't press the advantage, I tried to run. I didn't want to fight him.

He insisted.

I lost.

It ended at the point where I was on the floor and he was kicking me repeatedly in the head. I struggled as much as possible but I was in severe danger of losing conciousness at the time, and I wasn't able to do much.

Somehow, I got away, and ended up in the hospital, covered in blood, out of it a little.

Drama?

Frug wrote:I think you should find someone in person to help you out, not something online.

Good advice. I took it, actually. I'm seeing a guy called Gary once a week.

Yay!! Someone who actually understands IRL!

Thanks for your comments guys, let's get this thread back on it's original topic, shall we?

Hmm...

Now I know there's etiquette for not dredging old topics up for no good reason, but I kinda liked this one from way back when.

Plus we have new people to make fun o-... I mean, listen to and nod appreciatively... honest... ?

You know what Xy, I'm glad you drug this from the depths, as I hadn't seen it and it proved a very interesting and....not sure if this is the proper term, but heartening read. I've always found it a bit comforting to know that people have survived similar problems in life as the ones I have.

Now, as for adding anything to the purpose this thread was originally put here, if it sees any response after this I'll throw in mine, as I'm still thoroughly steamed over my latest bit and might say things I shouldn't like names.

For something else though, Xyon, if you don't have any problem with it I would like to hear more on your and Shadow's code of nine virtues. It sounds very.....interesting...I hate reusing words that are more than one syllable, damn OCD.

Sure thing Drake.

http://www.webcom.com/~lstead/RBValues.html

Yeah, that webpage is fairly good. It contains like, everything.

I've always found it a bit comforting to know that people have survived similar problems in life as the ones I have.

Me too.

By way of a sort of update, my depression counselling came through a few weeks ago and has been helping. Aside from the fact that I got triggered off yesterday in psychology, which isn't that surprising when I say we were talking self-harm, self-abuse and the general punishment of the body, I'm doing ok.

I did actually pull the guy up on his ideas behind self-harm and told the entire class, who already knew I did it, exactly why I do it.

Then I ran out.

Joy.

Did you do it?

This was indeed a very interesting thread to read, if a bit hard for me, but hey, if you're willing to divulge I'm willing to read and give advice. That goes for you too, Drakey.

Just be warned that if I start to get to know you better then my instinct is to start trying to help, so if you don't want to be nagged incessantly...

Just ask Xyon Though to be fair to me I totally didn't nag him at all until way way after the fact. I have self-restraint, after all. Seriously, I do...

I have plenty of relatively minor emotional abuse that have given me a few emotional triggers, but I work very VERY hard not to show when those are triggered because I'm totally aware they are just stupid triggers.

I can't say I've ever performed severe self-harm, unless you count bulimia. Binge and purge for the WIN!

I have a pretty humor-driven outlook on the whole thing now, honestly. I can't say that I can really contribute to a discussion about depression because now I look back and just see it all as pure silliness, but I guess that's the benefit of getting a few more years under me.

Did you do it?

No, I didn't. But it's still buzzing around my head.

The basic sort of phase this goes through is I can go for months, even a whole year, and not bother about it at all. But then something like yesterday happens and it triggers the latent urges and... wham, right back where we started. And if I ignore it, they just get stronger, and stronger, until i give in and... well... yeah.

I refuse to give any detail further to that because a) I don't want to trigger anybody else reading this and b) it would just set me off again to talk in any actual detail on it at the moment.

Congrats I'm proud of you.

You know, I could physically remove your arm. That would take away your ability! Maybe not the urges, but you know...take the bad with the good...

Good on you man.

The basic sort of phase this goes through is I can go for months, even a whole year, and not bother about it at all. But then something like yesterday happens and it triggers the latent urges and... wham, right back where we started.

*Nods in understanding* My little chest full of poetry and lyrics and such (BOLD red ink) still gets an occasional visit. Find it a little odd now that the ink works, as mine are more......heat...related.

But enough about that. Good for you, you corrected the guy and have kept yourself in check. Keep up the good work.

*hugs*